Anonymous Bitch

I'm dedicating a whole post to this because:

a) this is my first anonymous bitchy comment...I feel like my blog is a "big girl" now, like she's all grown up and big enough to be getting bitchy comments =)

and

b) bitchy anonymous commenter actually brought up an interesting topic to blog about!  Thanks Bitchy Anonymous Commenter!

So, here is her comment:

FFS, you are a "fertile." You've been pregnant twice, and although miscarriage is sad it's very common. I understand that you may have identified yourself as infertile prior to becoming pregnant on an unmedicated cycle, but your continued use of the term "infertile" to describe yourself is insensitive to women who have never been pregnant despite numerous invasive procedures. 

Here's my thoughts.

First, HAHAHAHAHAHA, me, fertile?  Are you fucking kidding me?  If you remove the 18 months prior to this second pregnancy, then SURE, I'm fertile.  Can we do that?  Just remove the part of our TTC journeys that don't produce desirable results?  GROOVY, I'm in.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I consider myself infertile.  Even if I can manage a successful pregnancy at some point, infertility is still a part of me.  And btw, I'm only at 10 weeks of this pregnancy, I'm so glad AB (that's anonymous bitch) is so confident in my ability to bring this pregnancy to term!  You can't erase the journey that has brought me here, you can't lift the veil of infertility so easily.

If you wanna get technical...and medical, infertility is defined by the inability to conceive after one year of trying.  Even if we take out everything since the miscarriage it was more than a year before I got pregnant the first time...and only with the help of my good friend Clomid.

But the inability to conceive is not the all-inclusive definition of infertility, it includes women who have conceived successfully but cannot bring a child to term.  Are you really gonna tell a woman who has had 8 miscarriages that just because she can get pregnant without medical assistance that she isn't infertile?  Are you going to tell someone who has had failed IVF and then suddenly ended up pregnant without medical assistance that she isn't infertile?  Is IVF somehow the end all, be all of infertility?  Only invasive medical procedures make you infertile?

I have an anovulatory disorder, DIAGNOSED, that makes it damn near impossible for me to ovulate, I have ovulated 3 times in 18 months, twice with medical assistance, once a total fluke.  ONCE on my own since coming of birth control more than 2 years ago.  I'm pretty sure I just stated 2 facts that in fact make me infertile regardless of how many times I have been pregnant and how I ended up pregnant. 

1. It has been 18 months since we started trying to have a baby and I am still childless.

2. Ahem, I don't ovulate.

The crazy lucky conception that happened the one time I ovulated on my own, is exactly that, CRAZY FUCKING LUCKY.

Now, regarding AB's comments about miscarriage.  I've never said my miscarriage makes me infertile.  It actually has very very little to do with the infertility.  It is an extra pile of shit that was thrown at me AFTER dealing with infertility for a year.

But the miscarriage is also what finally brought me to my knees in my journey.  It was my breaking point, where I finally broke down, really came out on my blog as infertile and sought help and support from all of you wonderful ladies.  I'd been dealing with anovulation, 105 day cycles, naturopaths, acupuncturists, Clomid and trigger shots all without saying much here, but it was the miscarriage that took my infertility to a new level of hell.

So, everyone give me your thoughts?

At what point in your journey did you become "infertile"?  Not necessarily medically diagnosed, but when you finally gave in and accepted that baby making wasn't going to be easy and that you may in fact have a problem and started to relate to the "infertiles" more than the "fertiles"?

My point came when I finally broke down and made that first RE appt, fully aware that they were going to prescribe me Clomid and I was taking my first step down the unknown road of infertility treatments.

And all of you others who are pregnant after infertility right alongside me, with or without medical assistance, do you still consider yourself infertile?  

And to anyone who's had a baby after infertility, do you still consider yourself infertile?

And just in case anyone else thinks AB has a point, does anyone consider me insensitive for continuing to use the term infertile to describe myself?