In another few hours I will officially be more pregnant than I have ever been. I went to the hospital for my induction with Jett at 38 weeks exactly and he was born at 4:45am when I was 38w2d pregnant.
So, here we are at 38w1d and I'm starting to fret. Let me bumpdate you all and I will share all my fears and frustrations that have begun to crop up as we enter brand new territory.
How Far Along: 38w1d
Weight Gain: Must be 32 lbs now? I think. I weight about 150 most mornings, give or take a lb.
What's Up With My Body: Body is actually feeling ok other than the fact that I seem to have a baby fully engaged in my pelvis and HELLO...I can feel it. My pelvis is very uncomfortable and "full". But sleep is good, rib is good, heartburn kicks my ass some days and other days in non-existent. Basically I'm hangin in there. Ready to be done and more tired than uncomfortable these last few days.
Emotions: Ugh, emotionally I'm kind of a mess. I don't know what happened to me yesterday but I got to my midwife appointment and I just started balling. First I was REALLY tired, like woke up feeling exhausted, took a 2 hour nap, still felt exhausted, just felt really really run down and tired. But then also apparently this GBS diagnosis has left me a little more uneasy and stressed than I let myself believe because when she asked me about it all this information came pouring out of me that I didn't even realize I was thinking. Like, suddenly I was saying that I didn't know if a homebirth was the safest option anymore and I felt like I was selfishly putting my baby in danger if I was still GBS positive with this retest. And maybe I should just have a hospital birth because then I could have the antibiotics. Really did not realize that was what I was feeling, but that's what came pouring out.
Also, Dom has been gone for just over my limit of amount of time I can stand solo parenting. I make it to about a week and then I'M DONE. And here we are on Day 9...I'm done. He will be back late tonight and basically he is taking the kid WHENEVER I ASK because I'm exhausted and I can't do this by myself anymore.
And last but not least I'm still busy fretting about my baby being small. He/she is roughly 6 lbs. according to the skilled hands of my midwife and wouldn't you know it, Jett was 6 lbs. It was always assumed that Jett was small because of the preeclampsia and he had quit growing a few weeks back but...this baby is small too. So I'm left wondering DID I HAVE PREECLAMPSIA AT ALL??? Or do I just grow small babies? Or is there another reason this baby is small? My belly measurement was 34cm this week, so up from last week but I'm 38 weeks! My midwife is not worried, she says there's plenty of amniotic fluid, baby has visibly grown and baby is just fully engaged down low in my pelvis and yes...I grow small babies. So, trying not to worry BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. We've made it so far I don't want anything to go wrong here in the homestretch!
Yoga Ball. Well...I have my yoga ball but honestly haven't sat on it once...maybe today!
Sex and Nipple Stimulation will have to wait until husband is back in a week but I'm doing everything else I can!
So while some of the angst about going into labor early (why do I think I will go into labor early???) has disappeared now because I no longer have to go to the hospital if I should in fact go into labor (before 37 weeks you can't have a homebirth). I now have other anxieties that are wiggling around in my brain.
First, I tested positive for GBS. This wasn't even on my radar because I tested negative last time and you know ALL PREGNANCIES ARE EXACTLY THE SAME so I just figured I would be negative this time too.
As always, I was wrong.
So, positive GBS test, not usually a big deal right? Had I tested positive last time I just would of had IV antibiotics in labor either at the hospital or had my home birth gone according to plan, didn't matter it would have been the same. BUT HERE IN OR midwives are unfortunately not allowed to administer IV antibiotics. WHAT?! So...there are alternatives. There's a vaginal rinse that is used in Europe with good results that I'm trying now. I've also increased my probiotics, eating yogurt and taking a shit ton of Vit C, all of which are supposed to help one's body rid itself of GBS. So, we retest in about a week and if I'm negative at that point, YAY! If I'm still positive??? There's a few other options but ones I'm not terribly excited about. I'll keep you posted.
Second thing I'm stressing about. MY GODDAMN BELLY IS SO SMALL AGAIN! I measured 33cm at my 36 week appt and I measured 30cm yesterday at my 37 week appt. WTF? Do I just grow small babies??? Jett was small because of the preeclampsia and had basically quit growing after 35 weeks, but this time??? My midwife actually insists baby is growing fine and is visibly bigger to her and baby has just dropped down into my pelvis and that I carry my babies "close" so baby is all tucked inside READY TO GO. So...I'm trying not to fret.
BP is amazing at 117/78 yesterday and I have no protein in my urine so there's no reason to think I will end up preeclamptic again. I took a look at my pregnancy with Jett and around this time my blood pressure was 148/93! All good on that front as far as I can tell.
So, there you have it. We're full term, ready to go...and now we wait.
35 weeks always feels monumental because you're 35 weeks and you have 35 days left!
Happy coincidence but one I enjoy.
How far along: I actually meant to post this last week at 35 weeks but alas we are at 36 weeks now.
Weight Gain: 149 = 31 lbs gained! The weight definitely seems to have tapered off. This happened last time and it was because Jett had quit growing so I'm a teeny bit nervous, but I'm trying to remain calm and think that I just grow small babies. What's Up with My Body: BP is staying under control! It's actually well within the normal range at 112/76 last week, which makes me happy because this is about when things started to go haywire last time. We'll see what tomorrow's appointment brings!
Rib was popped back in last week but DAMN it took 4 days for it to not hurt and now it's just...tender. I'm uber conscious of it and worried about it popping out which seems to put some strain on the muscles around it. So my back just generally hurts these days. These last few weeks are a struggle!
Heartburn every night when I wake up at 2-3am but 1 Tums takes care of it.
INSOMNIA FINALLY RELEASED IT'S HOLD and I can sleep the normal 3-4 hours before I need to get up and pee. THANK GOD.
Contractions keep waking me up in the middle of the night. They are almost always caused by the need to pee but it isn't the need to pee that's waking me it's an awful cramping/tightness/hot flash of a BH contraction! I kind of like it and am looking forward to the day in which it's actual labor waking me up in the middle of the night!
The bump no longer feels big, nor am I measuring big. In fact...just like last time, I'm measuring a bit small. 34cm at 35 weeks and baby is roughly 5 lbs.
Emotions: I am so ready for this baby. And I'm so tired of being pregnant and solo parenting. This ridiculous heat wave is not helping anything. But because I'm so miserable the thought of labor does not scare me at all, I'm pretty excited for it. I bought my birth kit and it arrived last week, so other than the birth tub which I should get around 37 weeks I'm all set!
Gender: I am fully convinced it's a girl. Dom says 'he' and it feels wrong! I'm prepared for either outcome but...I think girl.