Happy Halloween from the UK

I'm a day late, but we're in the UK and I spent yesterday in a jetlagged haze so...

Happy Halloween Everyone!

Some Updates

I decided I owe you guys a few updates.

I wrote about a few things that I feel you need to know how they turned out.

Is this pretending you care more than you do?

Probably.

Nevertheless, updates you shall have.

1. Italiano - As suspected my class is full of old men.  Why did I think that an Italian class would be full of old men and why is my Italian class full of old men?  Both good questions.  I have no idea.  So, there's 4 old men (with Italian last names, maybe they decided they can't die without seeing the land of their ancestors?) 1 older lady and 1 older guy.

Old means over 50 and older means over 40 =)

So, no bueno on making friends UNTIL this past Tuesday, my 3rd class we had a brand new student....AND she's young, married and pretty!  Now I just have to figure out if she's cool...we have 5 more weeks to become friends.

On the Italian leaning front you'll all be happy to hear I'm like totally the best in my class.  Guess that's what $500 spent on Rosetta Stone gets you, Italian I is review.  Awesome.

2. Fried Chicken - My fried chicken turned out pretty damn good I must say.  It needed WAY more seasoning than I used and I think buttermilk is probably a better egg wash than egg and water but the craving is gone and it was tasty.  I would say first fried chicken attempt = success!

3. My assload of maternity clothes that I finally splurged on at Old Navy.  Well, they arrived.  I tried them on.  And they went immediately back in their package and sent back to Old Navy.

I'm officially running out of clothes to wear now.  I seem to be in clothing limbo land.

I have two problems.  One is that my bump is too big for the majority of my regular clothes.  Two is that my bump is too SMALL for the majority of maternity clothes.

Seriously Old Navy, I bought everything in XS, the top part of the dresses fit fine even over the giant boobs and then just under the boobs the dresses would just TENT!!!!!  SO MUCH EXTRA FABRIC that I look like I've been swallowed by a mumu.  Why, WHY?  I JUST NEED A LITTLE EXTRA ROOM IN THE BELLY.  I do not need yards upon yards of fabric.

I think they should make different stages of maternity clothes, like 1, 2 and 3 because while it's possible that I may fit into some of these clothes that I just sent back sometime toward the end of my pregnancy, the fact is that I need clothes to fit me NOW, not just at the end.

So, here I am in maternity limbo.  With nothing to wear.

And that's it for me today.

I hope everyone had a fantastic Easter weekend and had an extra day off work.

My family came down for a quick visit and my weekend of being a tourist has left me EXHAUSTED today.

I'll be on the couch if you need me.

Christmas Came Early For Us

Just when I was ready to write 2011 off as a total bust, it had one last little surprise for us.

Just 2 weeks before Christmas, I got my 2nd one of these:

On the heels of my anonymity post, and the one time I've wished this blog was anonymous, if you know me in real life PLEASE keep this information to yourselves.

I am 7 weeks, 5 days and considering what happened last time it is WAY too early for me to be spreading this news to the general public.

But out of respect for all of you who helped me through my darkest times and have been my sisters in this shithole of infertility I needed you all to know.

Also, 1 week from today marks the day that Baby A's heart stopped beating.  I have found a way to make peace with whatever the outcome of this pregnancy may be, but from now until my scan at 10 weeks will be the most anxious-ridden time for me and I know I will look to you ladies for some comfort, support and words of encouragement.

This year was still a shitty, shitty year, but it left one last little glimmer of hope and I can only pray that 2012 will follow through and bring us the joy that 2011 so cruelly took away.

Anonymous

Hi guys!

I'm back.

I've kept up with all of your blogs for the most part.  Skimming over bad news and lingering on good news and not really commenting at all.

I've been lurking.

Sorry!

I promise to get back on the commenting wagon as soon as the madness of having a visitor and family time dies down.  MIL leaves today and tomorrow is NYE and thus 2011 will FINALLY be over and the holiday madness will come to an end.

But I wanted to post today about anonymity.

Many of you have recently written about being anonymous and how you don't feel comfortable coming out of the infertility closet to those close to you and I just wanted to throw out the exact opposite opinion.

I am not anonymous.  I have pictures all over this blog of both myself and my husband.  I use my real name and I use my real location.

Every member of my family knows about our infertility woes and about the devastation of the miscarriage.  Anyone who is anyone in our friendship circles also knows all the details.

And I wouldn't have it any other way AT THIS POINT.

I did not start blogging about infertility or really sharing our story with friends until AFTER I was pregnant the first time.  I was like I BEAT INFERTILITY AND NOW I'M GOING TO SHARE MY STORY!  Except of course that didn't last very long and I got thrown right back into the world of infertility AND I AM SO HAPPY THAT I SHARED both on my blog and in real life.

The miscarriage would have brought me to my knees if I had had to deal with it by myself.  People came out of the woodwork to tell me their miscarriage stories, again both in bloggerland and in real life, AND I COULD NOT BE MORE GRATEFUL.  

To refresh everyone's memory I posted on Facebook at exactly 12 weeks that we were expecting our first child and the very next day the bleeding began and the miscarriage followed soon after.  We then had to write a very sad "we lost the baby" post.  I was slightly embarrassed at first because WE HAD JUST POSTED THE ANNOUNCEMENT, but as the emails and texts poured in the embarrassment was lost in the undying gratitude for the people that reached out to me.

And in turn others now know that they can look to me as a source of comfort should they find themselves in a similar situation.  When my friend lost her baby at 20 weeks, her and I had one of the most heartfelt, sad, tear-filled conversations of my life, but it was because of our shared loss and having someone who has experienced the same thing to share the pain with...and their was something beautiful about it even though it was dreadfully sad.

Many of you in your daily lives have to deal with people inquiring about your future plans for children and obnoxious pregnant women whining about their swollen feet because you don't like to share your infertility woes.  I feel for you and I can tell you this:  No one ever asks me if I'm going to have children and no pregnant woman who knows me would dare whine in my presence, if either were to happen their going to get a story about 18 months and 1 miscarriage and no baby...it shuts them right up.

I feel I give a face to miscarriage and infertility, it can happen to anyone...and it does.  I refuse to shy away from either topic or be embarrassed by either, if someone wants to talk about it, I'll talk about it.  I can't promise I won't cry while I talk about it, but I'll talk about it.

I respect everyone's decision to either remain anonymous or come out of the closet, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the other side of anonymous.

Hope everyone had a lovely holiday season and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Merry Christmas

From our home to yours.

And on to Christmas

Thanksgiving is over.

Bring on Christmas.

I am so ready for 2012 I would skip Christmas all together if it would bring about the end of 2011 just a day sooner.

But since it won't, I AM ALL OVER CHRISTMAS.

Cards are written, addressed and stamped.

Presents have been bought.

Decorations are up.

Tree is...ok we don't have a tree yet...but soon, very soon we will have a tree.

I even sent out present ideas for myself and my husband to my family.

I AM SO ON TOP OF IT THIS YEAR.

Come on Christmas, I AM READY FOR YOU!

Generally speaking I'm not really a do it ahead of time kind of girl.  I'm more of a procrastinate until the last possible second kind of girl.

Or even a shit I forgot to buy you a present I'll get it to you later kind of girl.

Or damnit it's Christmas tomorrow and we don't have a tree up kind of girl.

And the husband, well he's the same.  Procrastinator to the end.

But not this year, this year is different.  This year I am ahead of schedule.  I am ready.

READY FOR THE END OF THE YEAR.

And since Christmas brings us one step closer to 2012, let's do this thing!

Merry Christmas from Oz

Thanksgiving Abroad

I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around the fact that next week is Thanksgiving.

Of course since I'm in Oz there is no Thanksgiving, which is probably the part I'm having trouble with. I've never been in another country during this uber American holiday that entails nothing but gorging oneself.

Thanksgiving is awesome.

We entertained the idea of having our own Thanksgiving next Friday, since our Friday is the US Thursday we would be "celebrating" at the same time. But in all honesty part of the fun of Thanksgiving is getting together with family and friends, not just the eating, and let's face it, it's not easy cooking up a Thanksgiving meal.

So, instead of slaving over a hot stove we planned our "Ayres Rock" trip, which means we will finally get to see the red center of Oz.

This is not the first Thanksgiving I've been away from home, but it is my first Thanksgiving that will be no Thanksgiving at all.

Anyone else spending Thanksgiving abroad and feeling a bit nostalgic about it?

source

And by the way, it's Saturday and I got up at 5:45am. Jetlag is awesome. And yes, that's sarcasm, which I'm clarifying because apparently my sarcasm...um, meter? let's call it a meter, my sarcasm meter has been off lately, meaning everyone is having trouble sensing when I'm being sarcastic, so I'm clarifying, that is a sarcastic statement about jetlag. Jetlag is not awesome.