Tuesday, April 15, 2014

One Cycle Down

Well...I'm not pregnant.

Aunt Flow turned up just 12 days after I ovulated resulting in a 44 day Cycle, which is better than 48 days but means that my luteal phase is now only 11 days long.

It used to be 15...that's quite a change.

Anyone else have significantly different luteal phase post baby?

I know 11 days is still long enough to achieve a pregnancy, but...barely.  I think 10 is the minimum.

I must admit I was really REALLY hoping I was pregnant and I may have peed on like 17 different pregnancy tests starting at like 7 DPO.  Crazy right?  I peed on one and that was it, I couldn't stop.

I just couldn't help myself, it has been SO long since I peed on a pregnancy stick.

Luckily the stark white negative was not nearly as crushing as it used to be.

But still...wouldn't that have been nice and so EASY to not have to wait 30 more days FROM NOW just to ovulate?!

Have I mentioned how much I hate these long cycles.

At least I ovulated.

Bright side people, bright side.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I've only got a few chances at this the old fashioned way before the oves get all cysty and useless again.

So, one cycle down...wish me luck that cycle 2 is the lucky one!!!

And in other news this little cutie has definitely hit his language explosion.

He says mama and papa correctly and ALL THE TIME now...so cute.  He also says milk when he wants milk instead of just using the sign, again...so cute.  He repeats almost anything we say and is adding to his vocabulary daily.

LOVE this age.  Can they just stay 20 months forever?

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Ovulate - Mission Possible

You know how bloggers find out they're pregnant and then disappear for awhile because they can't think of anything else to blog about and they're not ready to tell the blogosphere about their pregnancies?

Well that's not what happened to me.

I'm not pregnant.

Or...if I am I won't know it for a few weeks.

I've just been really busy NOT ovulating.

But finally, FINALLY CD35 and I THINK I may have finally ovulated 2 days ago.

Oh how I hate these long cycles!

To think that "normal" women would have ovulated and had a period or found out they're pregnant already by now.  28 day cycles???  Who has those?  The rate this one is going if I did in fact ovulate it would mean a 48 day cycle.

If I'm not pregnant I'm going to cry, I have to wait 48 days each and every time?!

Anyway, right around CD28 I started to lose my shit, got all depressed and pissy, and then CD29 gobs and gobs of EWCM showed up.  I took like a thousand OPKs and while I'm pretty sure the darkest one of them isn't officially a positive, it was close enough for me as I've only ever had one positive OPK and it was a Clomid cycle.  I don't think OPKs like my fucked up PCOS hormones.

Jett was made with a negative OPK.

What do you think?

Did I get a Positive?

I peed on a digital one at some point in there but it was a negative as well.  But at least one of those looks like it's the same color as the test line right?

The next day all the EWCM went away and the line lightened, so even if I didn't ovulate something was ALMOST about to happen and...there's hope I guess. 

More proof that I only ovulate immediately proceeding a pregnancy.

Anyway, this morning FertilityFriend finally concurred that I did in fact ovulate, so...now it's more waiting.

My husband was away for the vast majority of this cycle but conveniently was around for the exact 2 days that my EWCM showed up and as you can see, things were ahem...well timed.

Everyone cross your fingers for me that those temps stay up and this isn't a "fake" ovulation!!!

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Things I Didn't Think About When Naming My Child

You all might remember that Jett's birthday is just 10 days before mine.  This means we share a birthday month.

Jett and I also share initials.

This wasn't on purpose.  In fact it was a few days after we'd had him before I realized he had the same initials as me.

We were stuck for boys names...we pretty much had exactly one name, so when he came out a boy it was done.

But alas he is JLB and so am I.

At first I thought it was sweet, his name is full of meaning, his first name is a surname from my paternal side of the family and his middle name is a first name from Dom's paternal side of the family.  And then the initials are the same as mine?  So cute, right?

It turns out it's kind of obnoxious.

I'm a sucker for letter necklaces.  I love my B necklace and I've worn it for years.  I bought it before I was married and then conveniently married someone with the same first letter of his last name so it still works.

Then when Jett was born I wanted to get a J but SO ANNOYING THAT MY INITIAL IS ALSO J because I now walk around with my J and my B and anyone who knows my name probably just assumes I'M A BIG FAN OF MY OWN INITIALS.

Ugh, I kind of wish now that he has his own initial so that I'm OBVIOUSLY wearing HIS INITIAL around my neck and not my own.

I also really want this:

But again...if I get a J it's just like it's for me.

Live and learn.  It's only something Jett and I have to deal with OUR ENTIRE LIVES.

Next baby will have his/her own initials.

First baby FAIL!

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Will I or Won't I?

I'm obsessing slightly.

I know.

But I took a 2.5 year break from it...it's ok to start again.

I'm on CD13 and I've been peeing on lots of things. With no results.

I should NOT be surprised as even when I ovulate it's well into the CD20's, I think once it was CD23, another CD29 and one of those was even a Clomid cycle!

So...why would I ovulate anywhere near CD13?

The answer is that I won't!  So why have I started to feel a little sting everytime I pee on a stick that doesn't show me a second line?


Somehow I've convinced myself that not only will I ovulate my first cycle postpartum but that it will be a totally normal cycle and I will ovulate right around...CD13.

For the record I peed on an OPK that gave me a big fat negative about an hour before we conceived Baby Jett so...I'm aware that OPK's don't really work for me.

But I pee on them anyway.

Makes me feel productive and PROACTIVE like I'm not just passively waiting to ovulate.

Even Fertilityfriend is telling me I'm going to ovulate soon.

Maybe this is all her fault.  She's feeding me false information.

Anyway, I don't want to do this mindfuck cycle after neverending 90 day cycle, so fingers crossed Fertilityfriend isn't just messing with me and I'm actually going to ovulate sometime soon!

Will I ovulate or won't I???

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Is it Time to Pee On Something Yet?

I'm only on CD8 and yet I'm convinced that I should be peeing on things.

When does the peeing start?

I mean, I had my PERIOD for goodness sake CLEARBLUE EASY FERTILITY MONITOR, don't you UNDERSTAND?  Surely I should be peeing on ALL THE THINGS!

And yet...my monitor just sits there with it's stupid single line telling me to fucking relax and that I can start peeing on things in a few days.

What a bitch.  She doesn't understand the urgency.

And my thermometer.

She's a bitch too.

My temperature is still uber high, like if I hadn't just had my period it would convince me I'd already ovulated high.  98.1 is a post-ovulation temperature THERMOMETER.

She doesn't get it either.

And FertilityFriend...FertilityFriend...I hate to say it but she's no better, she's also a bitch.

Look at this:

What the fuck is this?  This is basically the worst chart I've ever seen.

The best she can do is tell me that I might ovulate in that green 2 week period and that my period might be like a thousand years long.

She hasn't told me to pee on anything either.

Bitches all of them.  All of my TOOLS aren't helping me, they're messing with me.

And since none of these bitches are being helpful, someone tell me WHEN DOES THE PEEING START?  Pretend I had a normal cycle, like a predictable 28 day cycle (hahahaha, I can hardly write that without laughing hysterically), when do I start peeing on things???

Clearly I'm obsessing, I GET IT, but I promise I'm not on the crazy train yet, I'm just REALLY REALLY EXCITED!

I'll start getting crazy and depressed somewhere around CD28 when I still haven't ovulated.


Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Baby Jett - 18 Months

He's 18 months (alright we're actually at 19 months...i'm a little late).

Holy shit.

Where does the time go?

One minute he's a screaming newborn the next he's a walking talking KID!  Yeah...tell that to the me from a year and a half ago with a screaming newborn...the days are long but the years are short.

At A YEAR AND A HALF (!!!!)  Baby Jett is pretty awesome.

Tall and skinny still at:

Weight: 21 lbs 10 oz. (18th percentile)
Height: 32 3/4 inches(70th percentile)

He sleeps through the night like a champ.  We stick him in the crib with Bear...and Other Bear...and a sippy cup...and a toy car...and sometimes a book (the list is ever growing, it used to be just Bear he needed, the crib is getting crowded!), tell him good night and he points at the door and says "go".  He rolls around and plays with Bear and all his stuffed animals and the car and reads for a good 15 minutes, even half hour some nights but then at some point...he just goes to sleep.  There's no more crying, no more going in there every 5 minutes, 10 minutes, etc etc.  Just say good night and leave and he does the rest!

Can I tell you just how liberating that is?  And just HOW MUCH CONFIDENCE I have going in for Round #2 (NO, I'M NOT PREGNANT, just hopeful thinking). Those sleepless nights really don't last forever...I have proof now =)

He does the same for naps.  We read a story, I tell him it's time for his nap then put him in the crib with Bear and again, lots of playing and rolling around until he's ready, but then he just goes to sleep!

He's down to one nap a day and it ranges anywhere from 45 minutes to 2.5 hours...with the norm being an hour and a half.  But man I really enjoy those 2.5 hour nap days.

He has become very very PARTICULAR in his old age, see above, ALL those things must be in the crib for him to happily go to sleep.  Things need to be done JUST SO or we have a bit of a meltdown.  Huge fan of routine this one.

I like this in that he KNOWS what's happening next and goes along with it because it's what is SUPPOSED to happen but come on Jett sometimes the book can go on a DIFFERENT SHELF and it will all be ok!  This is his father through and through...mommy really isn't so particular about how things need to be done.  Dom always tells me there's a "right" way to do things...Jett seems to agree.

Case in point.  He goes to get his shoes, jacket and hat when he wants to go outside because he knows these are the things that are SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN before he goes outside.

 He also sits down to have his shoes taken off when he comes back inside.  I must admit...that part is pretty cute.

He loves cleaning and putting things away.  He likes to take his diaper wipes out one by one and "clean" things and then throw the dirty ones away.  He cleans the floor, he cleans Bear, he cleans himself, he cleans me.  Clean clean clean.  He's also a huge fan of making a big mess with his paints and drawing all over his little kitchen and shopping cart and table and then going to get the dishtowels to clean it all up.  I think he makes the mess just so he can clean it.  Same goes for when he drops food or drinks on the floor, off he goes to clean it up with a dishtowel!  This is my mother through and through.

Anything that is taken off a counter or out of a drawer always must be put "back" when he's done with it.  He says "back" a lot.

Not a huge talker but he gets his point across.  Though over the last 2-3 weeks he's continually adding more daily.  He says dog, cat, duck, bear, down, car, truck, dad, clock, bike, go, keys, back...maybe I'm missing one or two, but not a lot.  And I swear he says banana.

He may not say a ton but he definitely understands EVERYTHING.  I'm amazed at the comprehension.

Still nursing.  We've had a few days when Dom was home where we only nursed 3 or 4 times and that was amazing, but now Dom's traveling for the next week and...we're back to lots of nursing.  Not sure what I can do when I'm on my own with him 24/7...

Gave up on his high chair months ago.  That thing only got 6 months use...what a waste of money!  He loves his booster seat though and will happily climb up into it when you tell him it's time to eat.

NOT a big fan of eating still.  Ever day is a struggle.  What will Jett eat today?!  Though he is getting better about telling me what he DOES want to eat, as in he can make it known that he would like to eat cereal and apples for dinner rather than chicken and broccoli.  I would love to be one of those moms who puts him in his seat, gives him dinner and that's that.  If he eats it, GREAT and if not then he goes to bed hungry.  Unfortunately since we're still nursing he just makes up for what he doesn't eat with BOOB JUICE and since we're trying to wean...that's not gonna work.  So many a night he gets away with eating something other than what I've made him.  Short order cook over here!

He does stairs walking upright with no help other than the railing.  Many a day he's made it all the way up the stairs before I get around to following him.  Going down...ugh, our stairs aren't carpeted so he's not allowed to go down by himself, but really we're just spotting him, he does and can do it by himself.

LOVES the car.  And what I mean by that is he loves to get in the driver's seat and "drive" the car.  Pretty much if I'm going anywhere I have to add an extra 10 minutes leeway time to get where I'm going because Baby Jett needs to drive for a bit.  He can find both mommy and daddy's cars parked on the street and proudly declares "dad" for dad's car and just "car" for mom's...sigh...is he ever going to call me mama?

Also is really into TRAINS (Oh Thomas the Tank Engine...I hate you) and tools and bikes and is SUCH A BOY.  The garage is his favorite place in whole house.  And Dom's tools...oh the tools.  The tools are the greatest thing in the whole wide world except for boobs as far as Jett is concerned.  They're almost as great as boobs.  But the boobs still win.  I fear this will be an ongoing thing in Jett's life, tools and boobs, ah well...it starts early.

Has opinions about EVERYTHING.  What he wants to eat, what he wants to wear, what toys belong where, what plate he'd like to eat on, what utensil he'd like to use, and the list goes on and on.

Basically 18 months (19!) is my favorite age SO FAR, I love that he's a PERSON now...we've come so far.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Back in the Game

Guys...it finally happened.

After nearly 19 months...I finally got my first postpartum period.


I have no idea if I'll be ovulating or not but just like that...I'm convinced that I can at least ovulate ONCE on my own and I'm back in it.

The thermometer is out.

The Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor is out.

FertilityFriend has been reactivated.

Yeah...I'm all in.

I have never been so excited for a period in all my life.

Of course I have convinced myself that I will be pregnant in no time, like oh a NOVEMBER BABY how quaint!  Because after all my problem has always been ovulating...not getting pregnant.

I have also convinced myself that I have one maybe two ovulations in me before the oves get all cysty again.  So...it's now or never.

But one period does not ovulation make!

Yeah...tell my brain that.

It's not listening.  All it can hear is PERIOD = FERTILITY.

IRONICALLY as much as my body is telling me to make more babies the thought of a newborn still makes me want to throw up.

I want more CHILDREN but I do not want to do that whole newborn thing again.

I cringe when I see mamas with little tiny babies now, ESPECIALLY if they've got an older one in tow.  Can I really go through that again?

I KNOW that the newborn period was/is extremely short and only a year and a half later my kid is really cool and he's a PERSON now and not a screamy little blob...but really...can I skip that part?

Look at me, I'm talking like I'm pregnant already.


So, temping...I've found my temps to be extremely high, especially for the follicular phase, 98.1 this morning on CD1.  Two factors, it's a new thermometer and I'm nursing, could be affecting this but I'm curious...Anyone else find their temps to be completely different when they went in for Round #2?  

I'm used to pre-ovulation temps being very low 96.8-97.1, any thoughts?  This is like starting all over, I feel like such a newbie!