Friday, May 15, 2015

Baby #2 Bumpdate - Weeks 28 & 29

Hello Third Trimester!

Without a doubt I am not enjoying pregnancy the 2nd time around as much as I did the first.  I feel uncomfortable in ALL of my clothes and just generally feel big and unwieldy, something I did not experience last time until the very very end.

Basically I feel...yuck...all the time.

But here goes.

How far along: 29w1d

Weight Gain:  This might be why I feel so much bigger and unwieldy this time, I am somehow only about a pound shy of where I was WHEN I GAVE BIRTH last time AND I started this pregnancy out 5 lbs lighter than last time.  That means I have gained 24 lbs...and I have a long ass time left of this pregnancy.  My pants (yes maternity pants!) are so uncomfortable these days all I want to wear are my skirts and maxi dresses but the weather is not cooperating.  It was 70 degrees throughout the winter but come spring suddenly we're barely in the 60s and it's just a little too cold for bare legs!

What's Up With my Body:  Blood pressure seems ok for the time being.  It is in the 117-124/74-83 range...which is all fine, all good.  If it stays here, GREAT!  But I've got my eye on it.

Headaches have come a knockin and are making me cranky and miserable.  Of course headaches are a sign of high blood pressure so every time I have one I FREAK OUT but...they don't seem to be related in this case.

Constipation and hemorrhoids while not gone are UNDER CONTROL for the moment and I know that's the best I can hope for!

And heartburn, I have heartburn every night when I wake up at midnight to pee.  Gross.

Emotions: Emotionally I'm actually feeling really good.  We make the move up to Oregon in 2 weeks and I'm feeling very ready for the whole thing rather than overwhelmed by things that need to be done.  We took a trip up there in March and I packed up all the newborn things we might need for the first few weeks AND all my nursing clothes and took it all up there already, so I don't feel like there's much to do around here other than pack up our clothes and head off.  Dom will actually be spending a bit longer here in Berkeley before making the move up with us so it doesn't feel like I need to get my house ready to be empty for 3 months, which is usually stressful in and of itself.  I THINK WE'RE READY!!!  Kind of crazy that when we come back we will be a family of 4!!!

Gender: Back to girl.  I just feel so different this time...I will be surprised if this is another boy.


Thursday, May 14, 2015

Are You Done?

Everyone around me IRL seems to be done having babies.  Some have 1, some have 2, some have 3.  Some are done by choice and some are done by circumstances out of their control.  But done, nevertheless.

Vasectomy is a common theme in conversations lately.  Friends are taking proactive measures to ensure that they are in fact done.

How is this the stage of life I'm in?  It makes me feel very old.

I feel like I just started having babies, how can everyone be done???

Since making babies hasn't been the easiest thing in the world, "are you done?" has become such a loaded question.  Without a doubt we were not done with one.  Even if pregnancy was unachievable a 2nd time then adoption would have been pursued.

But now?  With #2 a few months away?  Are we done?

In my heart of hearts I will tell you no.  I'm not done.  When we got married we were going to have 3 kids.  THREE, not 2, not 1 but 3. 

We will TRY for a third on our own without a doubt.

But how hard will we pursue a 3rd?  Even though #2 isn't here yet, we've been talking about #3. Will we pursue treatments if we cannot get pregnant and STAY pregnant on our own?

I'm not sure that we will.

If it doesn't work and I stop ovulating...again, then we might be done. 

Or the I have to have another miscarriage to have another baby?  It makes me sad that I have to lose on to get one but that's been the pattern so far.  Dare I risk losing another?

As Dom approaches 45 I think he'd like to be done with the "having babies" stage of life and move on to the raising our family stage.  I kind of get it.  I will turn 34 just after this baby arrives and if I pretend that the exact same timeline of events will unfold for #3 then I wouldn't be having #3 until I was almost 37.  Do I still want to be in the "building our family" stage of life 8 years after we started?

I hate to think this is the last time I'm doing all this things and not know it, like is this the last time I'll be pregnant?  Is this the last time I'll feel baby kicks from the inside?  Is this the last chance to have my homebirth? Will this be my last newborn?

I'd like to relish these things more if this is the last time I'll be experiencing them but...there's no way to know.

I know I've got at least another year, probably more, before any decision needs to be made on this subject, but it nevertheless plagues me.

What about everyone else?  I know most of you are/will pursue the 2nd by any means necessary but will you keep going?

Monday, May 4, 2015

Baby #2 Bumpdate - Weeks 26 & 27

Sorry blog, I've been neglecting you.

There are things I'd like to write about.  There are things I HAVE written about, I just haven't hit publish yet.  I promise to blog more, there are things I need opinions on!

Anyway, how is it May already?

My baby is due in JULY, that is only 2 months from now!!!

Yes it's the beginning of May and the EDD is July 30, so really that's almost 3 months, but come on!  So close!

Here we go:

How far along: 27w4d

Weight Gain: 19 lbs.  Some days this feels like a lot because I only gained 23 lbs the first time with Jett and was only up 16 lbs at this point but if you think about it I was only pregnant for 10 more weeks last time and if you gain .5 lb a week then that would put me at only 24 lbs at 38 weeks.  So...right in line with last time I guess...maybe a smidge more.

What's Up with My Body: Nothing good, that's what's up with my body!  First off, I have BLEEDING hemorrhoids and OMG I want to die every morning in the bathroom, pregnancy is so unglamourous! 

Second...blood pressure is starting to rise.  FUCK!  It is not technically high yet, but it is no longer in the "normal" range and is in the "pre-hypertension" range...and I've got 12 more weeks to go.  The scariest part is the rapid rise.  It made quite a leap from my last appt just 3 weeks ago.  I'm holding out hope that it was just a one-time thing and will either stay exactly where it is for the rest of my pregnancy or will go back down into normal range.  This is actually the point in pregnancy when blood pressure will rise slightly...but with my history of course I'm worried!

My diastasis is also really bothering me.  It feels so much looser and stretchier this time around that I'm worried it won't go back as easily!  I'm also moving in ways that I didn't the first time around that really seem to put stress on the belly, like lifting a toddler in and out of a crib!  I bought a support belt that I'm going to start wearing whenever I'm more active, to see if I can't keep these tummy muscles from stretching out too much!

Gender: I've decided it's a boy now, haha!  I think it's because of the name, we're still struggling with a boy name just like with Jett and of course Jett was the only boy name we had and liked and used it, so I feel like the same thing is happening again.

Bumpdate:  Something about this bump feels different this time.  It doesn't feel as cute...and it feels bigger.  It also definitely feels WIDER, like my bump is expanding out to the side (which you can't tell from these pictures), which is why it doesn't feel as cute.  Perhaps this is actually an indicator that it's a GIRL because it is so not a basketball bump.