I Caved

I've tried really REALLY hard to remain calm during this pregnancy and let nature do it's thing.

I declined early testing and early ultrasounds.

I declined my 12 week NT scan.

I've avoided calling my midwives panicking and have only had 1 extra appt to break up a 4WW to hear the heartbeat.

I've survived on hearing the heartbeat once every 2 weeks since I first heard it at 10 weeks.

Generally my symptoms have been enough to keep me sane and convinced that my baby is still alive.

But a few weeks ago in a moment of sheer panic I broke down and bought myself a fetal doppler.

source

Once it arrived I had talked myself down off whatever ledge had drove me to make such a rash purchase and the doppler stayed in it's box.

I've resisted every urge to use it MOSTLY because I was scared to death I wouldn't be able to find the heartbeat on my own and I was convinced this would cause more stress rather than relieve it.

But today I have a midwife appt and we'll hear the heartbeat, so yesterday, for no reason at all, other than I wanted to give it a shot, I opened up my fetal doppler.

And I found 85's heartbeat right away.

He ALWAYS seems to be hiding down in the bottom right hand side of my ute.

I must admit, it was pretty fucking cool.

So today I'm walking into my midwife's office a little bit more relaxed and a little bit less stressed and kind of loving my doppler.

But I've promised to leave the doppler in the box and use it no more than once a week.  The promise is to my husband who thinks (rightly so) that using the doppler all the time is bad for baby as baby HATES it and tries to hide from it.

Anyone else buy a doppler?  I feel like a neurotic crazy person with her own personal home doppler.  I'm so embarrassed about my purchase I didn't tell my husband about it for a week and I have NO plans to tell my midwives.  Such a far cry from the calm "let nature take it's course" pregnant lady that I'm striving to be!

In other news I NEED SOME HELP.

To all the other Blogger users who have added a PAIL button.

PLEASE SEND ME THE HTML THAT WORKED FOR YOU!

What Elphaba sent me doesn't work, my own tinkering with some google help doesn't work and I'm very near throwing my brand new MacBook Air against a wall because I AM SO FRUSTRATED.

Clearly I'm not a computer whiz.  And I'm stumped!

So please please please, if you got the PAIL button to work, HELP ME OUT!

Update:  PAIL button is FIXED!!!