I've kept up with all of your blogs for the most part. Skimming over bad news and lingering on good news and not really commenting at all.
I've been lurking.
I promise to get back on the commenting wagon as soon as the madness of having a visitor and family time dies down. MIL leaves today and tomorrow is NYE and thus 2011 will FINALLY be over and the holiday madness will come to an end.
But I wanted to post today about anonymity.
Many of you have recently written about being anonymous and how you don't feel comfortable coming out of the infertility closet to those close to you and I just wanted to throw out the exact opposite opinion.
I am not anonymous. I have pictures all over this blog of both myself and my husband. I use my real name and I use my real location.
Every member of my family knows about our infertility woes and about the devastation of the miscarriage. Anyone who is anyone in our friendship circles also knows all the details.
And I wouldn't have it any other way AT THIS POINT.
I did not start blogging about infertility or really sharing our story with friends until AFTER I was pregnant the first time. I was like I BEAT INFERTILITY AND NOW I'M GOING TO SHARE MY STORY! Except of course that didn't last very long and I got thrown right back into the world of infertility AND I AM SO HAPPY THAT I SHARED both on my blog and in real life.
The miscarriage would have brought me to my knees if I had had to deal with it by myself. People came out of the woodwork to tell me their miscarriage stories, again both in bloggerland and in real life, AND I COULD NOT BE MORE GRATEFUL.
To refresh everyone's memory I posted on Facebook at exactly 12 weeks that we were expecting our first child and the very next day the bleeding began and the miscarriage followed soon after. We then had to write a very sad "we lost the baby" post. I was slightly embarrassed at first because WE HAD JUST POSTED THE ANNOUNCEMENT, but as the emails and texts poured in the embarrassment was lost in the undying gratitude for the people that reached out to me.
And in turn others now know that they can look to me as a source of comfort should they find themselves in a similar situation. When my friend lost her baby at 20 weeks, her and I had one of the most heartfelt, sad, tear-filled conversations of my life, but it was because of our shared loss and having someone who has experienced the same thing to share the pain with...and their was something beautiful about it even though it was dreadfully sad.
Many of you in your daily lives have to deal with people inquiring about your future plans for children and obnoxious pregnant women whining about their swollen feet because you don't like to share your infertility woes. I feel for you and I can tell you this: No one ever asks me if I'm going to have children and no pregnant woman who knows me would dare whine in my presence, if either were to happen their going to get a story about 18 months and 1 miscarriage and no baby...it shuts them right up.
I feel I give a face to miscarriage and infertility, it can happen to anyone...and it does. I refuse to shy away from either topic or be embarrassed by either, if someone wants to talk about it, I'll talk about it. I can't promise I won't cry while I talk about it, but I'll talk about it.
I respect everyone's decision to either remain anonymous or come out of the closet, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the other side of anonymous.
Hope everyone had a lovely holiday season and HAPPY NEW YEAR!