Remembering the Good

I just found this in my Draft Folder.

It was the beginning of a post in which I was outlining the positives of my hospital birth as I was trying to come to terms with it all and let go of some of the anger.

Since today is the day that I went into the hospital for my induction last year I thought it might be appropriate to share it now.

As a reminder for everyone, I was planning a homebirth right up until 38 weeks at which point a routine prenatal appointment on a Monday turned into an induction in the hospital on Wednesday for preclampsia and a baby in my arms by early Friday morning.

Not what I had planned.

I spent a lot of time being pissed.

You can read about it here and here and here if you'd like.

It took me awhile to not feel anger about the hospital birth and I still mourn the loss of the homebirth experience...hopefully with the next one we can remedy that.

But I realize I never REALLY told you all about what a great hospital I gave birth in and how they worked their asses off to give me the experience I was looking for as much as they possibly could.

Remember this?  Where I discussed why I was having a homebirth?  Well...I got to do the vast majority of the things that I outlined in this post.

So, here goes...the good of my birth at a hospital.

• I hear lots of stories about women being pressured to hurry their labor along (as though we have control over that) but no one on the hospital staff put any pressure on me to get the baby out in a timely manner.  My labor lasted 29 hours, every moment of it in the hospital and by the time we finally had the baby they were SWAMPED, so I'm SURE they needed the room, but not once did I ever feel like I was on an assembly line and that I needed to hurry up and get the baby out so the room could go to the next laboring mother.  I was the laboring mother and it was my room until the baby came.  Period.  My water had also broken early in labor but this did not bother anyone and was still no reason for them to pressure me into pitocin/epidural/C-section etc. to speed up labor.

• Cervical checks were few and far between.  I think over the course of the whole labor I was checked 3 times.  They were very conscious of the fact that my water had broken and they wanted to keep the possibility of an infection to a minimum.  I was checked in the very beginning to confirm I was only 1cm dilated,  checked when I started "bearing down" unwillingly so that they could confirm whether it was time to push or not and then once again after I had the pitocin, epidural and my nap because the screen was showing what looked like contractions conducive to being fully dilated.  All important checks that would have been done if I was at home...except the first one, that one was to decide how to induce me as they prefer you're 3cm dilated before they start pitocin...there would have been no reason to check me in the beginning at home.  But I'm glad this check was done and I'm glad I wasn't given pitocin right off the bat.

• Before the induction took place the anesthesiologist came in and told me about my pain management options including the epidural but then NO ONE EVER OFFERED PAIN MEDS EVER AGAIN.  If you've ever been in labor that is KEY to doing it without drugs.  Regardless of your resolve when you are not in labor if someone asks you in the middle of a contraction if you'd like drugs you're very very likely to scream YES, JUST GIVE ME THE DRUGS!  But if no one offers and you've made up your mind to do it without them it is MUCH MUCH EASIER to stay the course if the drugs are never offered.  I had to come to the conclusion by myself that I wanted the epidural so I could sleep at the very end.  It was my decision alone, there was no pressure and it wasn't even offered, I had to ask for it.

• On that same note, I remember rather distinctly at HOUR 19 when I was having some rather excruciating back labor that suddenly I WANTED THE EPIDURAL and everyone and I mean EVERYONE in the room encouraged me to keep going and not have the epidural.  When I checked into that hospital I just KNEW that nurses were going to try to get me to have that epidural and so I was SHOCKED that the nurse on duty was part of my cheering squad encouraging me to keep going without the drugs.

• There was no restrictions on what I could and could not do.  I ate, I drank, I took a shower, I took a bath.  I spent very little time in the bed, in fact ending up in the bed for a cervical check proved to be my downfall and why I asked for the epidural in the end because I was falling asleep between contractions in the bed!  

• I did not have to wear a hospital gown (I HATE hospital gowns!) and spent the whole time either in my own clothes or naked.  This might seem silly to some, but it was important for me to not be wearing a hospital gown, I hate them that much.

• They treated my midwife with the utmost respect and she was basically my spokesperson.  They did not bother me when I was in labor, they directed all comments and questions to my midwife and let her talk things over with me and then accepted her response as mine.  THIS WAS AMAZING to not be bothered with medical jargon while you're trying to get a baby out because IT'S REALLY HARD TO THINK STRAIGHT.  My midwife would lay things out for me in layman terms and offer her advice and then answered any questions I had, always pausing for a contraction, which the Dr.'s DID NOT DO, twice I remember asking a Dr. or anesthesiologist or nurse or somebody to please not talk to me while I was in the middle of a contraction...midwife always paused to help me through the contraction.  

• Once the baby was out they let us delay the cord clamping.  Which is NOT hospital policy but we had discussed it before the induction and they were on board.  They actually asked my midwife when it was ok to cut it.  That's right they asked my midwife for advice!

• They also asked me if I wanted my placenta.  I WAS going to keep my placenta and make placenta pills and placenta art.  But since my placenta was the reason I was having an induction in a hospital at 38 weeks I had no desire to keep it...it would have just been a reminder that IT was the reason for the failed homebirth.  But cool that they offered to let me keep it.

• The baby was put directly on my chest and left there.  It was HOURS later before they came back to weigh/measure and do the thorough newborn checkup.  I laid there with my boob \ out and the baby right next to it and we took a little nap.  When the baby left to go to the nursery, Dom was with him the whole time and they were back within an hour.  The ENTIRE time I was in the hospital this was the only time the baby was not with me.

• Hospitals don't run out of hot water.  I was in the shower for HOURS trying to keep the back labor at bay, had we been at home I would not have been able to do this!

All in all my hospital birth was not a bad experience and other than the fact that I did not get to go into labor on my own...it was pretty close to getting to experience all I wanted to experience.

I can't believe that was a whole year ago and that Baby Jett is about to turn ONE...do I have to quit calling him Baby Jett now and start calling him Toddler Jett???

Postpartum 2 Weeks

DON'T READ THIS IF YOU STRUGGLE WITH YOUR WEIGHT.

I feel like I read a lot of blogs about women who have trouble losing the baby weight postpartum, and like all women I was worried I would too.  Since giving birth I've found the complete opposite to be true and would have appreciated hearing more from women who were in a similar situation postpartum while I was pregnant.

So I'm gonna go ahead and represent the other side.  The side that loses the baby weight.

Weight is not something I struggle with, so please don't read it if you do struggle and you think hearing about postpartum easy weight loss will make you feel bad.

At one week I:

...had breastfeeding down pat and actually really enjoy it.  It took a stressful few days where I thought I was just going to always have sore boobs and that if I wanted to breastfeed that was what I had to live with, but once baby learns how to latch properly and the milk came in breastfeeding hasn't been an issue...and my boobs don't hurt anymore.  Having the kid on your boob every 2-3 hours?  Different story!

...was down to only 8 lbs. more than I weighed pre-pregnancy.  I know guys, I KNOW.  I agree it's completely ridiculous.  But don't hate...I told you I've never struggled with my weight and I was only up 23 lbs. when my pregnancy came to a very abrupt end.  Most people lose about 25 lbs. with the birth itself and I was only down about 10 lbs. when I got home from the hospital.  My midwife is already on my case about eating enough as I shouldn't be down to pre-pregnancy weight until 3 months postpartum.  I'm trying to eat MORE than I think I should...but really I just want to keep eating like I always eat.  I am not overly hungry and when you have a baby attached to your boob every 2 hours it's hard to get around to eating in your short windows of free time.

...was pretty much healed from the birth.  The lady bits took very little time to heal because of the lack of trauma (this was the point of the natural birth after all!), in fact on Day 3 the lady bits were pretty much back to normal, though a bit swollen and uncomfortable if I sat for long periods of time.  Bleeding was down to a very light period.  My biggest beef physically was that my back sometimes hurt if I was in bed too long and I think it's because of that DAMN EPIDURAL that I never wanted in the first place.  I say this because the pain is much higher (read right where the epidural was) than a normal "I've been in bed too long" backache of the lower back.

...had massive hemorrhoids...oh yes, the birth made them HUGE!  Though my intestines did not spill out of my body as I pushed like I feared.

...was absolutely astounded that the body is able to heal so quickly from such an ordeal.  I was expecting to feel AWFUL after giving birth.  But truth be told the hips and the lower back were only a bit sore on Day 1 and 2 but I honestly think it was from where I had midwives pushing on me to try to ease my back labor.  You would think pushing a human out of your vagina would really take it's toll on your body and you'd feel like crap...but the body is obviously designed to do this AND take care of the baby it produced.  My greatest complaint immediately upon arriving home was the fact that if felt like my guts were gonna fall out.  Your belly muscles DO NOT WORK at all and you feel like your insides could just fall out at any moment if you didn't hold them in with your hand.  WEIRD feeling.

At two weeks I:

...am still really enjoying breastfeeding, but Baby Jett seems to have an issue with projectile spit up.  I asked the pediatrician about it and she says it's totally normal, I have a quick letdown and am apparently drowning my baby when he first latches on so he gulps like a madman to try to get all the milk which causes some projectile spit up if we move him too quickly after a feed.  My body and his body are still figuring each other out and over the next few weeks my letdown SHOULD decrease a bit as it figures out that he doesn't NEED that much right when baby latches on.  But projectile spit up notwithstanding breastfeeding is still going well and baby is up to 6 lbs. 11 oz.  STILL TINY and only in the 15th percentile but gaining weight just fine and is up from being in the 5th percentile!

...weigh about 128 lbs., which is up about 6 lbs. pre-pregnancy.  I also fit into all of my regular clothes again.  Everyone told me my hips would forever be wider after giving birth but that doesn't appear to be true as all my pants fit again...this is why I'm writing this guys, because of everything everyone told me...I believed everyone and I'm finding it weird that none of it appears to be true in my case.  The truth of the matter is that all women are different and sometimes...you quickly go back to your original size I GUESS.

...am healed from the birth except for those two labial stitches that I can actually feel now.  Believe me, after the birth you DO NOT touch the area and I honestly had no idea what bi-lateral labial stitches really were or where they really were...so I finally did some exploring and found them.  They must be about ready to dissolve any day now, but I can still feel them.  I also still have hemorrhoids, but they are shrinking SIGNIFICANTLY each and every day and I feel they too will soon be gone.  My crotch finally doesn't hurt AT ALL anymore and bleeding is down to a bare bare minimum.  Almost not even pantyliner worthy...but if I don't wear a pantyliner I'll ruin underwear.  My back feels better too, that epidural pain wore off after about a week to a week and a half and I don't have any back pain anymore.

I find that the only part of me that really feels different than it did pre-pregnancy is my tummy.  The muscles are starting to come back together and work again, but not really well yet.

Just home from the hospital, this is the day I gave birth. 

I look like death...I'm really tired.

It's like a 6 month pregnant belly!

One week. 

Belly shrank significantly.

 Two Weeks...Please ignore the HUGE MESS, my parents just left for home...let real life on our own begin!

It's still very very squishy, I can't wait to be able to feel and use my stomach muscles again!

Jett's Birth Story Part 2

Birth Story Part I

So, it's 9am Thursday morning, I'm in labor on my own and we've been laboring in bed for 9 hours...time to make a move.

The very first thing I did and I strongly recommend this to anyone who goes into labor at home, I brushed my teeth and I TOOK A SHOWER.  I sat on the birth ball in the shower and Dom got in with me and helped me wash my hair.  Contractions were picking up but totally manageable, I could breathe through them easily and I loved this first shower of the morning...I spent quite a while in there, mentally preparing to switch gears again and get this baby out au naturale.

The day pretty much progressed in a blur from here.  I did a lot of moving around the room, swaying while I held onto Dom's neck, on the bed, off the bed, bent over the bed, on the birth ball, in the bath.  It was interesting to see what positions felt good and which ones I couldn't wait to get out of.  At one point I had my arms draped over Dom's neck swaying, while one midwife put pressure on my back and one midwife put pressure on my hips.  Here's where I'm going to say ANYONE WHO WANTS TO LABOR NATURALLY, GET YOURSELF A BIRTH TEAM.  There was no fewer than 3 people in the room with me at all times and I kept them BUSY!  Getting drinks, getting snacks, pulling my hair back into a ponytail, pinning my bangs, pushing on hips, letting me lean on them, etc etc.  Don't pretend that you and your husband can do this by yourselves...you can't, get yourself a whole slew of people in there!

Sometime in the afternoon things were starting to get really intense and I was feeling pretty strong rectal pressure, which from this point on became what my contractions felt like, they were no longer in my uterus, they were almost exclusively in my rectum.  And while I wasn't pushing consciously and was just trying to relax into the feeling, always thinking "open" thoughts, at some point my body started bearing down on it's own.  I should also mention I was also fully naked at this point except for my monitors and had been for hours as I moved all over the room.  I never put clothes on again until long after delivering the baby.  There's no modesty in labor, there's no part of you that has time to concentrate on such things.  I had also switched from breathing through the contractions to full on moaning at some point, the low guttural moans just sort of flow out of your body and if you can direct them they REALLY help as pain management.  I SWEAR.

But the bearing down sensation was becoming really unbearable and to top it off I was now getting back labor too.  BACK LABOR SUCKS!

At about 5pm I had a bit of a breakdown, it was the back labor that finally threw me over the edge.  We decided on a cervical check since I hadn't been checked since midnight.

A good 17 hours of labor and we were only at 5cm.  I lost it.  All the breathing, moaning, relaxing went out the window and I was in PAIN.  I started crying and told everyone I didn't want to do this anymore.  If we were at home I would power through but since we were in the hospital and everything was so fucked up anyway I just wanted to get it over and done with.  I WAS DONE.  I told them I just wanted the damn epidural now so my back would quit hurting.  Add this to the reasons to have a team of people with you, at this point everyone encouraged me to keep going, that I could quit if I really wanted to, but that I was doing it, (even the nurse, which I vividly remember for some reason, you always hear about nurses offering anesthesia over and over until you finally cave) I was getting my birth I wanted I was just in a hospital and still contracting and progressing really well.

We decided to try some nitrous oxide to take the edge off the back pain and see if I could keep going.  I cried my way through the next few contractions on the nitrous and while it didn't really help, somehow in that hazy light headed feeling I found something within myself that wanted to keep going.  But I had to move to try to get the baby out of the terrible position that was causing the back labor.  Hands and knees sounded like the worst position in the world to be in but my midwives insisted this was a good position to move the baby.  So, somehow we decided on hands and knees IN THE SHOWER so I could have the hot water spraying my back and also try to get baby to turn.

THIS BECAME MY NEW FAVORITE POSITION and I basically did not want to leave the shower ever again.  I stayed here for hours.  Literally hours, not figuratively hours, the one plus to a hospital birth is the hot water NEVER runs out!  I ate hard boiled eggs here, I had the most amazing delicious cup of coffee here, I loved it here.  These were the most special, intimate, just the two of us moments between Dom and I.  He got in the bath with me and sat on a teeny tiny ledge that I'm sure hurt to be sitting on and let me lean on him as I breathed and moaned through every contraction.

It's so interesting that between contractions you feel perfectly fine.  You can talk, you can walk, you can kind of come back out of labor land mentally.  I will look back on those moments between contractions while it was just the two of us in the shower and remember how special it all was, this is the part of my birth that was beautiful, the fact that I have those moments to look back on with nothing but joy.  And as each contraction swept over me I had Dom whispering in my ear that I was doing a good job...it didn't matter how many people were actually there...it was just the two of us bringing our baby into the world.

So now that I was in the tub and had found a position that didn't bring on the back labor I was so scared of getting out of the tub and getting back labor again and was really hesitant to try any new positions.  It was THAT bad that I didn't think I could survive even one contraction with back labor again.  So, this girl wasn't leaving that amazing hot water that was pounding on my back through each contraction!  

BUT there's a downside to being in hot water...you get dehydrated and overheated, so at some point I ended up back on the bed so that I could get some fluids through my IV and we also decided to get checked again as the bearing down sensation was absolutely excruciating and we needed to know if it was time to push yet or if my body was still just doing it on it's own prematurely.

I was at a whopping 6 cm and all the bearing down was starting to swell my cervix.

FUCK.

It was close to midnight again, almost Friday morning and I had been laboring for 24 hours and I was now being told to breathe out with each contraction and FIGHT the urge to push rather than relax around it and I had nothing left.  Once I got on that bed I was literally falling asleep between contractions.  I had heard stories of women falling asleep in between contractions but didn't believe it was possible.  

It's totally possible.

My contractions were starting to slow as well, in an effort to preserve ME my body was trying to give me a break.  I had three options at this point, get up off the bed and move around to try to get the contractions going again, start pitocin on a low dose to keep contractions going and see if I could handle it or get an epidural, get some pitocin to keep the contractions going and get some sleep.  

I couldn't imagine trying to get off that bed, move around and continue to fight that bearing down sensation.  I also couldn't imagine continuing to lay there adding pitocin to the mix, and still try to fight that bearing down sensation while my contractions got stronger and stronger from the drugs.

SO I CHOSE SLEEP.

And here is where that stupid little fact of me coming in the night before rather than the next morning becomes so important.  We all agree that if I had gotten one last good night's sleep I probably would have been able to finish this without that damn epidural as the point I was at, 6cm to 10cm, is usually a relatively short phase of labor.

But I was so tired, I just didn't care anymore and wanted it done.  I was completely and utterly exhausted and felt SO DEFEATED.  I even began to think about a C-sections at this point and decided I didn't care if I had to have a C-section either, I just wanted the baby out.

It still makes me cry just thinking about how completely defeated I felt and how pissed I am about that one night of sleep.

So, in comes the anesthesiologist and in goes the epidural, which, ladies, if you've been laboring at all the pain of the epidural is so minor as to almost be insignificant.  A little sting in your back is nothing like a contraction in active labor.  I almost laughed when he said "you're gonna feel a little stinging", I was like WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT STINGING!

I HATED THE EPIDURAL and will never ever ever get one again if there is any way to avoid it.  But the pain was going away and after they got me all settled I finally, FINALLY could sleep.

ONE hour later I wake up with some breakthrough pain in the right side of my uterus.  After so many hours of back labor and that awful rectal pressure I actually had forgotten what a contraction felt like in my uterus.  It hurt in a very very different way than what had been happening before and was honestly quite easy to breathe through, but MOTHERFUCKER I gave in to that damn epidural, I WANTED NO PAIN AND TO SLEEP.  I also had the most awful disgusting heartburn suddenly that was so bad I was almost throwing up.  I was so miserable guys, so so miserable.

After another hour of trying to get me the right drugs to get the heartburn to go away, the right amount of top off to the epidural to get the pain to go away and my midwife getting me out of an unnecessary vaginal exam I was finally in no pain again and back to sleep.

Blissful blissful sleep.

Two hours later, at 4am, 28 hours of labor later I have millions of people back in my room, everyone thinks I'm probably fully dilated now as my contractions on the monitor look strong.  I'm so numb at this point from the epidural that I don't even really open my eyes for the vaginal exam, but then someone whispers ok, Jesica, time to open your eyes and push your baby out!

Relief swept over me, the 2 hour nap gave me the energy I needed to finish this thing out and the pushing began.  It was super weird to push with the epidural but apparently I was doing it well as every time I pushed people kept exclaiming, Oh wow! Good pushing! Look at that! etc etc.  Baby's head was already visible just a few pushes in.  After about 20 minutes pushing was going fine, baby was moving down with each push and stretching me out a bit between contractions.  Somewhere in here I asked for a mirror so I could see, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED if you're pushing through an epidural.  Seeing the baby head completely freaked me out, but it really helped me direct my pushing, I could see what worked to move baby down and what didn't because I couldn't feel anything.

After just 45 minutes of pushing, at 4:45am on Friday morning, 29 hours after labor started, my midwife grabbed my hand and said help pull your baby out.  I reached down and helped pull baby the rest of the way out and onto my chest.  As I admired the little squirming baby covered in goo on my chest, tears streaming down my face, I asked if it was a boy or a girl and everyone said YOU TELL US!  I looked down, got the little wiggler to separate his legs and declared BOY!  A son, still so strange to say.

My midwife excitedly tells me my perineum is still intact and that I just have 2 tiny tears on either side of my labia where the baby's hand was up by his head when he came out.  After an uber quick delivery of the placenta which came out with my very next contraction my midwife tells me that they don't normally stitch the little tears that I have but since I'm already numb and the stitches sting less than tears when you pee after delivery the stitches would probably be preferable.  I accepted this logic, anything to make postpartum recovery easier was fine by me.

A few minutes later we were done.  All the way, officially, finally done.  I had a healthy baby.  We had a vaginal delivery.  I labored naturally like I'd wanted to for the vast majority of the time.  And I had an intact perineum.  

But I mourn the fact that I didn't get to feel him leave my body.  And that I feel like I gave up 5 hours from the end.  I was so so close and I gave up.

It took a few hours for me to be able to feel my left leg again, but once I could finally walk and PEE, (apparently the all important thing about an epidural is to be able to pee afterward) we left the hospital as soon as we could.  I WAS NOT staying another night in that place after having already been there for 2, so after a lot of signing of paperwork saying we were leaving against medical advice and taking the baby against medical advice we were finally home and able to pretend that we'd been there the whole time.  Our bedroom became our little nest that we didn't leave until Monday when I finally just needed to use my legs a bit and a change of scenery.

All in all it was a good delivery, obviously not short by any means at 29 hours, but so many things I was worried about regarding hospital births didn't happen and I know I need to be grateful for what I was able to have even though we did not get the homebirth we had planned and I didn't have the fully natural birth that I wanted.

I will write about the preeclampsia in another post and discuss my anger, not about the diagnosis per se as it became quite clear that I was in fact on my way to preeclampsia if not already there, but the robotic like way in which the hospital treated the diagnosis and subsequent induction.  I'll also tell you the results of the 24 hour urine test that I told you I finished.

If you made it to the end Congratulations, sorry it was so long!

Jett's Birth Story Part I

Instead of a 39 Week Bumpdate, I give you my birth story.

I am still completely emotional and upset by what happened to me and how it ultimately changed my birth.  It was really small, seemingly insignificant details that had significant consequences and I'm still pissed off.

My birth turned out beautiful and better than I was hoping for after being told I had to be induced but I feel a little bit like something was taken away from me that didn't need to be.

I'm gonna do this in 2 parts for you guys so it's not so long.

So, without further ado...Jett's Birth Story.

When I last left you it was Wednesday, I had been diagnosed with mild preeclampsia and I had refused an induction and agreed to a 24-hour urine collection and an ultrasound to check amniotic fluid and growth of baby, at which time we would discuss again either induction or letting me continue the pregnancy with extra monitoring depending on the results.

I went in for an ultrasound at 1:45pm, by 2:30pm we were once again across the street in labor and delivery being hooked up to monitors and having more blood drawn.

My amniotic fluid had gone from an 11 the day before down to a 6.  Amniotic fluid can vary but it was a significant drop and combined with the blood pressure and the fact that baby was measuring only 6 lbs (13th percentile) we once again went over all the negatives and positives of an induction that night and how there was basically no positive whatsoever to staying pregnant any longer.

After another long chat with both my midwives and the hospital midwives we all decided that yes, if I wasn't already preeclamptic I was rapidly heading that direction and that yes, baby should probably come out sooner rather than later.

Once again I was pressured heavily to not even leave the hospital and just be admitted right then and there to start the induction.  But I still wanted the results from the 24 hour urine test which wouldn't be complete until 7am the next day AND I wanted one last good night's sleep before I was going to have to undergo an unwanted induction to have a baby at 38 weeks.  Remember that detail as it's one of the small details that led us down the road that we had to take and what I am most upset about.

So, we all agreed that we would leave the hospital then and come back in the morning with the urine collection, us rested and with all of the things we would need should we have to stay if the results of the urine collection were not good.

We leave and try to come to terms with the fact that we were not only not having a homebirth but that we would be having an induced hospital birth, pretty much my worst fear.  I cried a lot, took a bath, took some final 38-week photos and made a belly cast of the bump.  We were just getting ready to go out for a final meal as just the 2 of us when the hospital midwife calls to tell me that my blood work had changed and that she was no longer comfortable with us waiting until the next day for the induction, we needed to go in NOW.

At this point we were just so tired of fighting off the inevitable as we'd already accepted that we were more than likely getting induced the following day and we said ok, you win, we'll come in tonight.

This is the bone of contention, the tiny little thing that would not have altered the matter of a safe delivery, but would have given us peace with what we felt we were being forced to do.

One goddamn night's sleep.

We gathered our things and went out for our final meal and had a glass of wine with dinner.

An hour later than when we told them we would be there we showed up at the hospital, got admitted and got settled in a delivery room.  We brought our 24 hour pee collection jug and it was decided that I would continue to pee in the stupid thing until 7 am and they would still do the test for us...for our own peace of mind and hopefully for their medical knowledge, though they had already decided I had preeclampsia and I don't think anything would have convinced them otherwise.

That's another important detail to remember...we finished the damn test.

Some time close to 11pm-midnight after my midwife showed up we decided to go for the misoprostol as the first means of getting labor started.  Technically this is categorized as an induction, but it's just a pill (an ulcer medication actually) that stays in your system for about 4 hours and just thins and dilates your cervix a bit.  The reason for the "light" induction before administering pitocin is that pitocin does not work well unless you're already dilated to 3cm, so the miso is administered beforehand to try to give the pitocin the best shot at working.  I was only 1 cm dilated at this point and I was told to expect some light cramping but more than likely I would be able to sleep right through it.  A 2nd dose would be administered at 4am and I would get checked at 8am after all the miso was out of my system and we would see what the next step would be.

I was told it was very very unlikely BUT there was a possibility the miso would dilate me enough that my body would just go into labor on it's own and that that would be the best case scenario because we could then still have a natural birth...I would just be in the hospital for it.

I don't know that I actually even processed this little bit of information at the time.  I was already exhausted and felt very bullied, defeated and resigned to the fact that I was going to get pitocin and an epidural in the morning.  I did not realize I could still have a natural birth.

I did manage a little bit of sleep between midnight and 4am, with some very minimal cramping, but 2 hours max.  At 4am when the nurse came to check on me and give me my 2nd dose of miso...my water broke.  Between 4am-8am I started contracting pretty regularly and once again got basically no sleep.  By the time all the midwives were back at 8am and the Dr. came to check me I was regularly contracting and in labor ON MY OWN.

This is another reason everyone is pretty damn sure I was in fact preeclamptic, apparently preeclamptics are really easy to induce, and while nobody knows why, it seems to be that the body knows the placenta isn't working anymore and that's it's time to get baby out and accepts an induction really well.  Cause let's face it, it's usually a bit tricky to induce a 38 weeker, it usually requires a lot of pitocin.  YAY BODY!  But screw my preeclamptic placenta.

So instead of checking me, they just left me alone.  Midwives kicked everybody out except the nurse and labor was ON. At this point I was hooked up to monitors to measure baby heart rate and my contractions and while I had the setup on my arm for an IV, I was not attached, so I could move around freely.  It wasn't exactly easy to move around as there were lots of cords, but I was attached to a remote monitor and could move around and go anywhere I wanted, EVEN THE SHOWER/BATH!

I didn't know what was going on at this point really, I knew that I was in labor but I had done NO research on hospitals and had no idea that I could eat, drink, wear whatever I wanted, get in the shower, get in the bath, etc etc.  I had come to the hospital resigned to the fact that I was going to be tied to a bed and drugged up to get this baby out and it really wasn't processing that I could in fact pretty much do whatever I needed to do at this point.  We were getting to do this naturally and I couldn't actually comprehend that things weren't as bad as I had thought.

To be continued tomorrow...

Our New Addition

Announcing the newest addition to the Brennan family.

It's a BOY!

Jett Lawrence Brennan born at 4:45am Aug. 3rd, 2012.  Weighing in at 6 lbs, 19.75 inches long.

The birth did NOT turn out as I had planned, but considering the many other ways in which things could have happened since I was only 38w1d I am doing ok with the road we traveled down.  And let's just say thank god I had my midwives there, a birth TEAM is really and truly the way to go, I felt so supported and looked after and knew that there were people there who really and truly had my best interests at heart and we avoided a LOT of unnecessary drugs, checks and procedures that way.

I'll have a full birth story for you soon but ultimately as far as hospital births go I came away from the experience pretty unscathed physically.  Labor was almost entirely au naturale and my perineum is still intact!

I had the baby yesterday morning and we were home by nightfall as I had NO desire to stay a moment longer than was necessary at the hospital.  I already feel a thousand times better than I did yesterday and we're home just working on nursing.

Practicing What I Preach

We spent 6 hours yesterday at labor and delivery in the hospital.

And at the end of it I was "encouraged" to induce...right then and there.

I'll back up for you a bit.

I had my regular weekly midwife appt yesterday at noon.

I had high blood pressure again.  But no protein in my urine in the dip stick test again.  Same as 2 weeks ago.

To ease my midwife's mind she sent me to the hospital so they could hook me up to a blood pressure machine and monitor it for a bit.  Her thought was better safe than sorry.

I don't disagree.  She needs to feel comfortable letting me continue with the homebirth.

For 5 hours I had a blood pressure cuff on measuring my blood pressure and monitors all over my belly measuring baby's heart rate and uterine contractions.

I also had a blood test done and another urine test.

All day long nurses and Dr.'s kept coming in saying how good everything was looking and that they were just waiting for my lab results to let me go.

Over the time period I had 2 blood pressure spikes.  

It happens whenever I talk through the reading.

The rest of the readings were all in the normal range.

But after 6 long hours of sitting in a closet strapped to monitors the HIGH RISK OB pops her face in and tells me that my labs came back, I have protein in my urine and that combined with the high blood pressure spikes she is diagnosing me with MILD PREECLAMPSIA and the fact that I'm 38 weeks, full term, she recommends an induction NOW.

I was somewhere between pissed off and absolutely devastated.

I'd done my homework as I know a few people who've dealt with high blood pressure during pregnancy and also because I'd been dealing with it myself and traditionally the next step is a 24-hour urine analysis before officially diagnosing MILD PREECLAMPSIA.  The full term thing led her to gloss over this step completely and she diagnosed me without the 24 hour test...which really pissed me off.  I am now plagued with an official diagnosis of preeclampsia in my chart regardless of what happens at this point.

We said no, we will not induce right now we want the 24-hour urine test.

She said she would agree to that if I would agree to a check of my amniotic fluid and an ultrasound to confirm baby is growing because preeclampsia can stunt baby's growth.

I agreed to both and after talking to my midwives if either is off, either low amniotic fluid or the baby concerningly small then we would go ahead with the induction.

After a quick ultrasound my amniotic fluid is measuring FINE and baby looks like he is growing fine.  I have a more detailed ultrasound later on today to confirm the baby's growth.

And that's where we stand right now.

About a heartbeat away from being induced for mild preeclampsia.

And getting farther and farther away from my longed for homebirth.

My title of this post is Practicing What I Preach because I made a few statements about appropriate birthing in previous posts and preeclampsia is one of the conditions in which a homebirth is no longer safe and in which an induction is completely appropriate to keep mama and baby out of harms way.

But I never imagined I would be in this position.

I WILL get the induction at the hospital if my 24-hour urine test comes back positive for proteins in a high enough volume to convince me that I have preeclampsia.  Practicing what I preach.

But I'm pissed.

I have no other signs of preeclampsia.  No headaches, no visual disturbances, no swelling.

If I wasn't who I was, if I hadn't done my research, if I didn't know there were options I would have been induced yesterday and probably have a baby right now...or be having one.  I'm in awe and absolutely astounded at the pressure that was put on me to induce.

Even if I don't have protein in my urine tomorrow I will be closely closely monitored from here on out with the very real possibility of an induction at any time.

It's very possible we will have a baby this weekend.

The homebirth is looking unrealistic because as I've stated...it's not safe at a certain point...and we're about at that point.

Even if I can get out from under this diagnosis of mild preeclampsia I don't know that my homebirth midwives will be comfortable with me being at home anymore.

So for now we are peeing into a jug for the next 24 hours.  Tomorrow will be spent hooked up to millions of monitors again...and then we go from there.

I'm devastated that everything I've prepared for over the past year is slipping through my fingers and that here at the very end, the final stretch, I'm having to completely change gears and try to accept that my birth experience is going to be nothing like I thought it would be.

I'm having a little trouble wrapping my brain around everything.

I'm holding out some hope that we can still do this at home, but realistically I'm trying to prepare myself for the induction and subsequent hospital birth.

And in the meantime we're trying like crazy to induce labor on our own.  Sex, nipple stimulation, evening primrose oil, acupressure, a chiropractor appointment, an acupuncture appointment, some long walks...this is my life probably until baby comes...if I have to do this in the hospital maybe I can at least avoid an induction!

On Birth

I'm gonna hop on my birth soapbox for a moment.  Feel free to disagree with me, I take no offense to others having a different opinion than me.

As you all may have guessed since I'm having a homebirth...I believe strongly in a woman's ability to birth her baby without medical intervention.

The way the US views and treats birth as something that needs to be fixed and handled and "taken care of", as though it's a disease or affliction, bothers me...a lot.

This is NOT to say that I believe everyone should have their babies at home.  For some women this would be hell and I would never recommend anyone have a homebirth who wasn't fully committed to the whole concept of homebirth.  A woman needs to feel safe and secure to birth her baby, if this ISN'T her home than she should not be at home!

This is NOT to say that I don't believe in pain management in labor.  Again I don't think every woman is comfortable with the idea of childbirth without drug pain management and that's totally fine, I'm not against pain management if that's what the woman WANTS.

This is also NOT to say I don't believe in C-sections.  The fact that we CAN perform C-sections to save mamas and babies is amazing, I would never ever say that C-sections should be stopped completely.

What I am saying is this:

The C-section rate in the US is absolutely appalling.  It's somewhere around 30% and the WHO recommends it never go above 10%.  Some hospitals hover near 50% and higher.  If somehow these crazy C-section rates were saving mamas and babies I might be singing a different tune but considering maternal death rates in the US are somewhere around 50th in the world and infant mortality rates are somewhere around 30th it looks as though our C-sections are NOT saving mamas and babies.  This is astounding and needs to change.

I believe every woman should birth her baby in the environment that is most comfortable FOR HER.  If this is her home I believe all insurance should cover homebirths and I am appalled that there are still states that make homebirth illegal.  By the way my insurance does NOT cover my homebirth, this pisses me off but I refuse to let my insurance dictate where and how I will have my baby.

If a woman is more comfortable in a hospital I believe she should have the right to labor at the hospital WITHOUT PRESSURE to have the baby in a certain amount of time.  And WITHOUT PRESSURE to take pain medications if she doesn't want them.  And WITHOUT PRESSURE to have a  C-section if her labor isn't progressing as swiftly as Dr.'s would like.  AS LONG AS MAMA AND BABY ARE NOT IN DANGER.  I also wish all hospitals would let their mamas move around and eat and drink during labor, statistically, just allowing these small changes would lower the C-section rate DRAMATICALLY.  As my yoga instructor put it refusing to let laboring women eat or drink just in case they need surgery is like saying you should never eat or drink 8 hours before you're going to get in a car just in case you get into an accident and need surgery.  I'm pretty sure in a true emergency, which is when C-sections SHOULD be done, it really doesn't matter if you have food in your stomach.

I don't believe any woman should ever be induced unless it is an emergency or if the woman is past 42 weeks.  A normal healthy pregnancy is 37-42 weeks, not 36-40.

A baby that is "too big" does not count as a reason to be induced.  I know way too many women who were induced for their "too big" baby only to pop out a little 6 or 7 lber.  I also know women who've popped out 9 lbers without a tear, so who's to say that baby is too big?  An ultrasound to determine size is really unreliable that late in pregnancy.  And you know what?  Babies are rarely too big to fit out of the mamas that made them.  Evolutionarily speaking it's ridiculous to think there are all these women who make huge babies and can't fit them out of their bodies.  The female body doesn't work like that...it does a damn good job of making a baby that will fit, even if it takes some maneuvering and work from both mama and baby.

Complications from gestational diabetes or preeclampsia or issues with amniotic fluid, either too low or too high do count as emergencies if they are causing distress in mama or baby and valid reasons to induce before 42 weeks.  I'm not saying I don't believe in inductions for real reasons.

I don't believe any Dr. EVER should suggest a C-section for any reason other than a true emergency.  The first rule of medicine is DO NO HARM and yet we have OB's all over the country promoting major surgery over a normal bodily process.  A C-section is way more harmful to both baby and mama than a vaginal birth.

Hemorrhaging, baby heart decelerations, mama's blood pressure, baby in distress are all valid reasons to C-section to save both mama and baby...but failure to dilate 24 hours after an induction IS NOT A REASON TO C-SECTION!!!!

Baby getting "stuck"?  Oh for goodness sake, unhook that woman and let her labor on her hands and knees and see if she can't UNSTICK baby before you C-section her!!!  A "stuck" baby should not automatically mean surgery.  There ARE situations in which a baby is stuck and baby is in distress and baby needs to come out NOW, but again...it's actually quite rare and that would be a TRUE emergency.  A "stuck" baby with no signs of fetal distress should not be sectioned, mama should just be allowed to change positions.

Elective C-sections.  Big Sigh.  This is America, I guess if you let people have plastic surgery to within an inch of their life you gotta let them elect to have major surgery to get a baby out as well.  But I disagree with elective C-sections.

Most importantly I BELIEVE IN APPROPRIATE BIRTHING.

That means you need to be birthing your baby in an appropriate environment for your particular pregnancy and birth.

There is a reason that midwives won't accept clients that are high-risk.  High-risk pregnancies are outside the norm and become a MEDICAL issue.  The appropriate place for them is with a Dr. and at a hospital.  That's what OB's are trained for, problems in pregnancy.  They are NOT well trained in low-risk normal healthy pregnancy, labor and deliveries.  We're coming to a point in this country in which many OB's have literally NEVER seen a natural birth.

A normal low-risk pregnancy is not a medical issue and does not need to be "treated".  In this day and age it's awesome that we are all monitored so that we can avoid or treat preventable problems, such as gestational hypertension but regardless of whether the medical community is involved women, with the help of midwives, will continue to get pregnant and have babies all on their own, the process doesn't NEED medical help.  And the help it does need should be all about SAVING MORE mamas and babies not about saving Dr.'s from being sued.

Homebirth Childbirth Class

As we wind down and get ready to HAVE A BABY I thought I would chat a bit about homebirth, what it entails, what I've done to prepare, etc etc as I've had several people ask me for more info.

If you're not interested in homebirth than you probably won't be interested in my next few posts.

Just warning you.

Today, let's talk childbirth class.

Because today is my last class of a 6 week homebirth childbirth class.

I'll start this off by saying again that SF is kind of an amazing place to be having a homebirth.  There is no lack of resources and support if you've made the decision to have your baby at home.  Yes, your close friends and family might still think you're crazy and ask you weird questions like "What if you want an epidural?" the answer of course being...I don't, that's one of the reasons I've chosen a homebirth.  But if you're looking for other like-minded individuals it's not hard to find them here.

My homebirth class has 18 couples, all of us due in the next few months...and my instructor does one of these every 6-8 weeks and they are consistently full.

That's a lot of homebirthing hippies all nestled together in a fairly small area.

I've heard a lot of you say that your childbirth class was fairly useless and you feel like you could have skipped it because you didn't learn anything new.

If you're having a homebirth I highly recommend a childbirth class but one that is tailored SPECIFICALLY for homebirthers.

The main reason?

FOR YOUR HUSBAND.

I know and have known for a long time most of what we've gone over in this class, but if your husband is anything like mine he was fine with homebirthing conceptually and the more he learned about it the more he was all for it but he didn't know what HE was supposed to do and as the weeks passed he started to get a little anxious about what he was meant to be doing come the big day.

Enter homebirthing class.

The class goes over everything from the anatomy of pregnancy, WHY we have to pee all the time, WHY we aren't hungry when baby gets huge, WHY we get constipated etc. (my husband felt enlightened and I could see the little light bulb went off in his head when he saw a picture of the inside of a pregnant person and was like OH, I GET IT) to all the stages of birth to complications and what would constitute a transfer to the hospital.  We watch birth videos, we get down on the ground into birthing positions, and we sit around chatting and eating for half an hour in the middle of class.

The class lays out what's NORMAL about childbirth, how moving, breathing, making noises such as moaning, and warm water can actually help both with pain management and with moving the baby out of your body.

We also learned what positions are most helpful in labor and how to use gravity to help get baby out.  

And then the icing on the cake, THE CLASS GIVES YOUR HUSBAND SOMETHING TO DO.

Our instructor has literally given all the husbands tasks for when their wives go into labor such as:

1. Make sure she stays hydrated

2. Make sure she pees at least once an hour

3. Make sure she stays nourished, especially when dealing with a marathon labor.

I can't tell you how much better MY HUSBAND feels about the homebirth now that he has "jobs". 

The husbands are also asked to be active participants and they learned different massage techniques both to try out before the labor and during to see what mama likes and doesn't like.  They are also asked to be mama's "support", not just emotionally, that goes without saying, but we learned lots of pushing techniques that involve the husbands literally as support.  Husband supported squatting, husband supported rocking, husbands need to be strong for birth too!

The last class dealt with complications and what would push your birth out of the realm of "normal" and thus out of the hands of midwives and into the hands of Dr.s and hospitals for both your and baby's safety.  This class was of course the scariest and most uncomfortable, but it's necessary to know what can go wrong and why it would require a trip to the hospital.  I can tell you I did NOT enjoy hearing about a retained placenta having to be removed manually and I would happily take a ride to the hospital to have this done under anesthesia!  

And of course these aren't decisions that YOU ever have to make by yourself, your midwife would be making them WITH YOU during a homebirth, but the class lays out things that CAN happen so in the heat of the moment you know what she's talking about when your midwife says hey we need to go to the hospital for a piece of retained placenta.

I'm so glad I took this class and I know my husband is too...at this point I'm honestly more excited than anxious for labor to start.  I feel more prepared, my husband feels more prepared, we both feel like we KNOW what we're supposed to do and how we can make this homebirth successful.

Anyone else take a class during pregnancy that they felt was really necessary and really left them feeling empowered and ready to give birth to their babies?  I can't recommend Jane Austin's homebirthing childbirth class enough if you're in the bay area having a homebirth!

Fun With Placentas

Though I've been mildly obsessed with birth since I was 22 years old there are several things involved in the birth process that I put very little thought into.

My placenta was one of them.

I can honestly say that I was never going to do anything with my placenta other than throw it away.

I've seen that thing, I've been to a homebirth...it's disgusting.  The most disgusting part of birth.

What else was there to do with it besides throw it away?

Eating it sounded bizarre, placenta smoothies sounded disgusting, burying it and planting a tree where it was buried just didn't sound like "me".

So...into the garbage it was going.

Once pregnant I heard about placenta encapsulation... and I was intrigued but decided it was probably too much effort to arrange to have it done and not something I was THAT into and moved on with my life, still fully convinced that I would just be throwing the damn thing away.

I mean...I'm not THAT much of a crunchy hippie that I was going to ingest my own placenta.  Homebirth or not we have to draw the line somewhere right?

Or not.

San Francisco makes being a crunchy hippie just way too easy and when I brought up placenta encapsulation at our group prenatal appt this week I AM NOW FULLY ON BOARD WITH PLACENTA ENCAPSULATION.

Oh yes guys, I am going to eat my placenta in the form of pills.

It's going to be awesome.

Know what else I'm going to do with my placenta????

source

That's right...placenta art!

OMG I'm such a fucking hippie I can hardly stand it.

BUT MY MIDWIVES DO ALL OF THIS FOR ME.

I don't have to "arrange" anything.  I just give birth (like that's the easy part).  And BAMN, placenta art and little encapsulated placenta pills are just presented to me. 

How could I NOT eat my placenta and make art with it?

It's obviously a no-brainer.

But IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, my midwives had some amazing things to say about placenta encapsulation, most important of which was the energy they give back to you because the placenta is like a big ball of iron and after birth...you lose a lot of blood.  Makes sense that iron would give you energy no?

There's some thoughts and theories, all unproven because no one wants to put money into this kind of research, about the hormones that are in the placenta helping to combat postpartum depression as well...but I'm on the fence with this part.  For me it's all about the iron!

Ironically, Cornfed decided to write about the same thing today, head on over to her blog if you want a first hand account of placenta encapsulation and their magic energy rejuvenating properties.

Anyone else having fun with their placenta and doing something interesting with it?

A Blessing or A Curse?

Warning:  Some talk about my miscarriage in here!  If you're in early pregnancy and shielding yourself from miscarriage chat than do not proceed!

I've been thinking about birth a lot lately.

And why wouldn't I?  As it draws near suddenly everything has started to be about the birth rather than pregnancy, ie. childBIRTH classes, HypnoBIRTHING, etc.

But as I sat with a heavily pregnant friend yesterday and she expressed her uncertainty about what exactly a contraction felt like it suddenly dawned on me just how prepared I may already be for childbirth.

The preparation came in the form of a miscarriage.

Though it didn't produce a happy healthy baby in the end and though it was to something infinitely smaller than a traditional birth, my miscarriage was a birth of sorts.

 I know exactly what a contraction feels like.

I know that it feels nothing like a Braxton Hicks contraction and it feels nothing like period cramps.  It feels like a contraction and the term "wave"or "surge" describes it perfectly.

I even know what it feels like to have the urge to "bear down" and why women think they need to poop when they actually are ready to push their babies out.  Cause that's really what it feels like when the baby is ready to come out...apparently no matter how small it may be.

And I know what it feels like to have your cervix uncomfortably open for a few days after.

Oh how I hate the feeling of my cervix being open.

But is this a blessing or a curse?

I've read from a lot of crunchy home birthing hippies who are very anti-hospital birthing say that it's our cultural fear of childbirth that makes it painful and that it's the fear and the ingrained believe in how painful it is that actually makes childbirth painful.  While the feelings of childbirth may be "intense" they don't have to be painful if we can change our mindset.

There was a part of me that believed this and still does to some degree.

But I learned a few other things from my miscarriage besides what early labor will feel like.  

I learned that contractions hurt like hell.

I did not go into my decision to have a natural miscarriage with the idea that it would hurt.  I only hesitated because I was scared of seeing the dead baby, I didn't want to see it and thank god I didn't have to in the end.  

It never occurred to me that it would be super painful.  ESPECIALLY when all the assholes at the hospital tell you to just expect a lot of cramping.

I don't know about your cramps but my cramps have never been particularly painful.

So, I did not have a preconceived notion of pain and I wasn't necessarily scared of the ordeal.  A little panicked about possibly seeing a dead baby in the toilet, but scared wasn't the emotion I was feeling.  There was no expectation of pain and no fear of pain.

But it hurt.  It hurt a lot.

How do you explain that crunchy hippies?

So, now I'm torn, was the ordeal a blessing in that I'm prepared for at least some of this?   I don't know what it's like to go through labor and delivery of a full term baby, but I've had a little glimpse and I definitely know what to expect, especially in early labor.

Or is it a curse because I now KNOW it hurts and thus can never fully mentally prepare myself for it not to hurt...which is part of hypnobirthing, changing your idea of pain and convincing yourself that your "surges" are not painful.  Haha, ok I'm paraphrasing to suit my argument, but hypnobirthing IS about changing your mindset so that you don't think of the experience as painful.

I'm still ready to fully immerse myself in both the hypnobirthing and natural child birthing and still plan on having this baby at home, but a part of me is scared, scared of the pain I KNOW I will experience rather than the idea of the pain of childbirth.

So what do you think?  Do past experiences prepare you or just scare you?  

And could it be the happy ending, ie. the happy healthy baby in your arms after all the hard work, that can make childbirth "intense" and not painful?

Reality Setting In

I had a midwife appt yesterday.

Can I just tell you that it's still weird to go to appts and not have to drop trou?

And also how weird it is to go see my midwives so infrequently?

But here we are, just a day shy of 25 weeks and suddenly some things are beginning to sink in.

The most important?

We're probably really gonna have a baby in August.

I know, it should already be a reality, but MY reality is that I've already been pregnant for 9.5 months and I don't have a baby, so...continuing to be pregnant does not always = baby.  But as we're rounding the corner into the 3rd trimester (2 more weeks!), and August gets closer and closer...the reality is we may really have a baby soon.

And with THAT reality comes others.

Another reality?  

I have to GIVE BIRTH.

This is no longer something I am pondering conceptually, but something I actually have to get ready to DO...soon!

Hypnobirthing preparation begins at 29 weeks...that's just 4 weeks away now.

Childbirth classes and group prenatal classes begin in 4 weeks and continue all the way to 36 weeks.  ALL SCHEDULED.  

Guys, I might really have to do this.  I might really have to push a watermelon through a very small hole and I have to mentally start my preparing to do it au naturale.

And something completely un-baby related that is sinking in?

We're missing a once in a lifetime opportunity to go to the Olympics.  

When we first found out we were pregnant and the due date of AUGUST 15 popped up on FF we very nonchalantly said oh damn, that's right after the Olympics and moved on.  There was no guarantee that this would be a take-home baby anymore than Baby A so we put ALL of it out of our minds and played the wait and see game.

And we waited all the way until 24 weeks to discuss it further.

And now the reality.  We've made it past 24 weeks and we're not going to the London Olympics.

You see, these Olympics have sort of an odd importance in our relationship.

We've been planning on going to these Olympics since we first met more than 4 years ago.  Very very early in the relationship (like 2 weeks in!) Dom told me we were going to go to the London Olympics together.  I scoffed at his arrogance that we would still be together 4 years later, but he was right, we're still together and we've literally ALWAYS planned on going to these together.

It was almost like an anniversary or a milestone in the relationship to FINALLY be going.

It never occurred to either of us that anything would hinder our plans.  In fact, when we started TTC we planned on taking our little one over to stay with Grandma (she lives in London) while we went off to the sporting events.  And even when we were pregnant the first time and baby would only be 4 months old for the Olympics, we still planned on doing it.  

After the miscarriage we even planned on delaying our next Clomid cycle until after the new year so that we could STILL go to the Olympics, even if I was going heavily pregnant (not the most brilliant plan I admit as I hate flying pregnant, but I didn't know that at the time!).  

But we never planned on ONE moment of spontaneous sex during my theoretically fertile time (it's theoretical for me cause I always have CM but rarely ovulate, for all the readers who have showed up AFTER all my TTC has resolved =) resulting in a pregnancy that would be full term at the exact time of the London Olympics.

And while we would obviously choose baby over Olympics regardless of the situation, it's beginning to sink in that we REALLY could have been there and I'm a little sad about it.

At least it's something we can always throw in this kids face, right?  How we chose him/her over the OLYMPICS!  It will be one of those stories that the kid hears SO many times over their life that one time as a teenager, when they're angry, they'll tell us that we SHOULD have gone to the Olympics instead of having them.  

Hahaha, oh teenagers...the fun things in life to look forward to.