Monday, December 14, 2015

Baby Noah - 4 Months

Everytime I see the sad state of my blog I hate myself just a little bit.

Because POOR BABY #2!  Ugh, I'm a 2nd child...I should be better about making sure baby #2 has what baby #1 had...but I'm just so goddamn tired I can't be bothered.

Four months can kiss my ass.

Sorry but it's true.

Four months is when everything goes to crap!

Baby Noah came down with RSV.  Which is just a virus that presents very similar to the common cold but can be life-threatening and really scary if your baby is a newborn or worse, a preemie.  Luckily Noah is a "robust" (Dr.'s word not mine) 4 month old and thus was able to fight the virus without hospitalization being necessary.  But UGH, they basically just sound like they're coughing up a lung and at night it's kind of scary!  He was up every hour or two for almost 2 weeks and because it's hard to cough lying down we'd end up going to him each and every time to get him upright and help him through his coughing spells.  Rough 2 weeks for everyone.

But we're all basically healthy now so...

4 months.

At 4 months Baby Noah is:

14 lbs. 7 oz. and 25 inches tall.

He's doing the same thing as Jett did which is falling on the scales in weight, down below 50th percentile now and pretty steadily staying in the 70th percentile for height.

Tall and skinny.  I make them tall and skinny.

Baby Noah continues to NOT be a comfort nurser.  He's pretty set on having milk when he wakes from his naps but oddly does not want milk when he first gets up in the morning!!!  Seeing as how this was one of the last sessions to go for Jett it's a little disconcerting that he will basically hang out for a full hour in the morning before he wants milk.  And at night, I try to feed him if he wakes and it's been longer than 3 hours but I can honestly say at least one of those night feeds is unnecessary and he just sucks for a few minutes before falling back to sleep.  Soon I will be sending Dom in for those...

As to sleeping.  This kid is a crap shoot.  Some nights, like last night, he's up every 2 hours.  Other nights, like the night before he does a long 6 hour stretch and is basically only up once.  He goes down easy at the beginning of the night and will let Dom soothe him back to sleep as long as he's not hungry so I'm hoping and praying that sleep training will actually be unnecessary but we have family coming to stay for the next 2 weeks...we shall see how he behaves with a house full of people to wake up!

He's basically given up on rolling.  He used to roll belly to back consistently...now he just hangs out on his belly and then screams when he's over it.  As to back to belly he seems to be REALLY working on this in the crib.  He'll chat to himself when he wakes from a nap and get on his side and be VERY VERY close to rolling all the way over but never quite makes it. When placed on a mat on the floor he really just hangs out there or scoots around on his back.  He's reserved rolling practice for when he's alone in his bed clearly.  Anyway, I'm ready for him to roll already!!!  I feel like when he can roll himself around he'll be content on the floor a bit longer which means I don't have to carry him around everywhere.  Things to look forward to!

He grabs for everything and sticks everything in his mouth.

And thinks Jett is the greatest person in the whole wide world.  I can't wait for him to get to interact with him more!


 

 


Thursday, November 12, 2015

Baby Noah - 3 Months

Woe is my blog.

It's so sad.  I can't keep up.

One day guys...one day.  One day I will have time again but first little baby Noah has to learn how to nap longer than half an hour!

Moving on.

Baby Noah at 3 months.

Weight: 13lbs. 8oz. (50th percentile)
Height: 24.75 inches (75th percentile)

Much like big brother he's getting long and skinny.  Very similar in size these two.  Again...I swear to god I gave birth to the same baby twice.  Any and all differences come from what we've chosen to do as parents, not the baby!

Clothes: He's wearing appropriately sized clothing, as in he's in 3-6 month clothes for everything except jammies, which need to be 6 month to fit his length but are then quite roomy because they're made for fatter babies.  But lately all he wears is jammies, I don't have the energy nor the desire to change his clothes unnecessarily in the morning.  Looking back at Jett's pictures from this age he is ALWAYS dressed in something other than jammies.  I can't tell you how many costume changes I did with Jett...so so many.  But Noah, hell no, if those jammies aren't soaking wet from drool or spitup then he just stays in them.  I always thought people were weird for leaving their babies in jammies all day...now I get it.  Why change them?  In fact, on days Jett doesn't have preschool he ends up wearing jammies all day long too.  This must be why I have such a strong desire to buy jammies ALL THE TIME.  Seriously, everytime I'm at Target I'm like hey, jammies!  Let's buy more!  Nobody needs more jammies around here.  Must. Stop.

Sleep: We moved him to his own bed and his own room already!!!  I'm so excited and proud of myself for doing this before 4 months, though I can't say it's helped him be any better of a sleeper than big brother.  He goes to bed at 6:30pm and sleeps until 10:30pm-11ish then awake again at 2am and 5am (and sometimes 1am, 3am and 4am...the hours between 11am-3pm have been hellish lately) and up for the day sometime between 6:30 and 7:30am.  As to napping, UGH, we're stuck napping for half an hour 1,000 times a day.  For like a week his first nap of the day was an hour or an hour and a half and I thought he was gonna consolidate naps finally but no...no such luck...still napping for half an hour at a time.  Exhausting for everybody!


When he's awake he's a pretty happy camper for the first hour, smiling and laughing and chewing anything you stick in his mouth. Drooling.  You know...just being a baby.  Then he becomes a whining beast for another half an hour before he's ready for his next nap.  I've tried any and all timing variations to get him to nap longer but nothing works.  Jett did this until 6 months so...we'll see.  His only saving grace is that he requires absolutely nothing in the way of rocking/swaying/nursing/soothing to put to sleep.  Just white noise, sleep sack and lay him down and he does the rest.  BUT STILL DOESN'T SLEEP FOR ANY SIGNIFICANT LENGTH OF TIME.  Sleep lady was full of shit saying that nursing Jett to sleep was the reason he wouldn't sleep, this one doesn't sleep either sleep lady!!!

Anyway...

What else.  He absolutely adores big brother.  Jett is entertainment for him whenever it's just the 3 of us.  And amazingly Jett has yet to display any feelings of jealousy.  In fact he calls Noah HIS baby, too cute!  He's not great at helping with baby things but he's definitely good about waiting for me if I'm busy with baby.

Basically all I can think about right now is sleep and I can't think of anything else significant about my youngest child because I'm so obsessed (yet again!) with baby sleep.  Noah...sleep, please sleep!

So until next month...

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Baby Noah - 2 Months

So late with this!!!

Ugh...2nd child.

But here we go!

For posterity sake...

Stats: Weight 12 lbs. 2 oz.
Height: 23 1/4 inches

Sleep:  Dude loves to pass out randomly all damn day.

 When I set him down to change my pants...

 When he's being held while Dom watches football...

 When I'm holding him walking around tending to the other child...

During the day he will just fall asleep.  BUT he only sleeps for half an hour!  So annoying.  I remember Jett doing it too and I FOUGHT to get Jett to nap more and for longer.  This time I'm just kind of going with it.  He can't seem to stay awake for more than an hour but...then he just falls asleep.  So as long as I'm not fighting to put baby down for a nap all damn day I'm just accepting the half hour naps for the moment.

At night he sleeps...ok.  He starts the night in his pack 'n play and he goes to bed between 7-8pm, basically the same time as Jett.  After a day of 17 half hour naps he's tired!  It's still a little bit of a fight to get him down but it's getting better and better and easier and easier.  I try to feed him before I go to bed at around 10pm and put him back in the pack 'n play.  He then sleeps for roughly 3 hours but then come 3am it's kind of a crap shoot and he doesn't sleep very well.  He gets wiggly and fussy and uncomfortable and I tough it out on my own until 5am at which point Dom takes him downstairs so I can get at least an hour or two of uninterrupted sleep since Dom is basically sleeping all night uninterrupted at this point.

Amazingly he is not nursing all the time at night.  It's pretty much 2 feeds, sometimes 3 but they are all proper feeds.  I remember Jett just nursing and nursing and nursing all night long!  I'm hopeful that we can get this one out of the big bed for the whole night sometime in the next month or two before the dreaded 4 month sleep regression.  But I feel like we're doing so much better.  He's already going to sleep on his own and he's sleeping only 5 hours in the big bed at night!

Eating: This one seems to have just sort of fallen into the sleep, eat and play routine on his own.  So there's very little nursing to sleep other than at night time and he only eats when he's hungry.  This wasn't on purpose, though I've definitely heard it's the way to go to get them to disassociate boob from sleep, but he's hungry when he wakes, happy for half an hour then he's ready to sleep again and requires no more food to get him to sleep!  Such a difference from Jett....

Hmm...what else?  He's smiling and laughing like a pro, making him way more fun when he's awake.  He's so much more than a little blob already!


And he loves standing!  He's tired of this being a baby crap and is so ready to move.  I remember Jett doing something similar and Jett ended up crawling really early, so we'll see!

Basically he's just super cute and turning out to be much easier than I first feared!




Wednesday, September 30, 2015

The Second Time Around

When it comes to newborns I was basically given the same newborn twice.

In a word they are...difficult.

I do not make "easy" babies that don't scream and sleep well.  I make screamy babies that sleep like shit.

But that being said...we're doing things "better" this time.  And thus I can say that Noah is "better" and "easier" here now at 2 months.  But a number of factors contribute to this, absolutely none of them have to do with the baby himself but are all about us as 2nd time parents.

For starters, Noah definitely has something he is allergic to, but I'll be damned if I can figure out what it is.  Lots of mucus poop but since he's generally over his screaminess I've given up on giving up delicious foods and it seems to make no difference whatsoever.  For all I know if I hadn't figured out why Jett was screamy maybe he would have stopped too?  Who knows but for now, the screaminess is over.

Sleeping.  Jett and Noah were both the "rock me to sleep" kind of babies.  They did not ever just fall asleep they had to be PUT to sleep.  With Jett we made the HUGE mistake of continuing to bounce him to sleep long after the screaminess ended (if they scream at you for hours you do ANYTHING to get them to sleep) and always holding him until he was fast asleep, never letting him learn how to settle himself.  Here with Noah...I just can't hold this baby all damn day.  I wear him if we're out and about but after about 3 hours of wearing him my body starts to ache and I get cranky!  So...he gets put down to sleep if we're at home.  I've discovered the wonderfulness of the vibrating feature of my pack 'n play (why did I not use this with Jett???) and Noah will pretty happily and consistently put himself to sleep if he's vibrating.  There's some fussing involved but within about 5 minutes he'll put himself to sleep (ok it's the vibrating putting him to sleep but it's better than me bouncing him!!!) For 3 nights running he has gone to bed at 7pm, vibrating away and CONTINUED to sleep until 11:30pm, long after the vibrating had ended!!!  That means I CAN GO TO SLEEP BY MYSELF without a baby next to me and sleep for a delicious 2 hours baby free.  This didn't happen with Jett until we sleep trained him and moved him to his crib at 6 months!!!  I feel so very very accomplished as a 2nd time parent that I don't have to go to sleep with my baby every night at only 2 months old.

Also regarding sleep, I'm just not as stressed about it!  With Jett I really really overanalzyed his sleep and really really stressed myself out about it.  I realize we're not quite at the sleeping schedule point yet with Noah and I have plenty of time to start stressing about baby sleep, but so far I'm pretty chill about it.  I still hate putting baby down for a nap a gazillion times a day and am looking forward to the set 3 naps a day which should be coming up at what...3 months?  But feeling pretty good about naps and sleep in general even when naps are only half hour long.

Crying.  Oh these poor 2nd children.  They cry more.  It's a fact.  But I only have 2 hands and big brother is the one who can understand that he's being pushed aside and just generally cause more damage so if both need me, he usually gets me first.  SORRY KIDDO!  New baby also gets left to cry and fuss a bit whenever he wakes JUST IN CASE he can settle himself back to sleep.  Oh the lessons I've learned.

Other things I've learned?  LET OTHERS HELP IN ANY WAY THEY CAN.  Meaning, if my husband wants to take the baby downstairs at 5am because he's grunting and may just end up with the baby sleeping on his chest. YOU LET HIM.  Because then you get an hour or two more sleep...all by yourself...in the big bed.  With Jett I remember fighting with Dom more times than I can count because I didn't want him to take the baby downstairs in the wee hours of the morning...why did I fight that???  If anyone wants to take my baby off my hands...they're pretty much free to do with him whatever they like.  As long as he gets brought back to me once whoever has him figures out he needs to be fed...I'm good and won't dictate what should and should not be done with the baby.

I also let me husband let him cry.  With Jett this tugged at my heartstrings so much that I would interject, even when it was not in anybody's best interest, because I couldn't stand to hear him cry.  With Noah, I still can't stand to hear him cry but if I'm putting Jett to bed and Noah is in my husband's arms screaming his head off...what can I do???  He's not being left alone, my husband is trying to console him but if it's milk he wants then poor kid has to wait.  So...he gets to cry while I finish with Jett and then I can tend to him.  Such a balancing act with 2!!!

Ultimately I'm hoping all these small things will allow us to NOT have to sleep train this kid and he will just learn to sleep better long before we get to the sleep training stage of babyhood.  So there you have it, 2nd time everyone says every baby is different and you never get to use any of the skills you learned with #1 on #2 but here I feel like I'm getting to use them all!  Part of me wishes I would have ended up with an easier baby, but hey...at least I know how to deal with a difficult one already! 
 
 

Friday, September 18, 2015

After Birth

For the first time in over a month I have a moment to sit down and write again.  Thank you preschool!

Two kids is BUSY to say the least.

But here we go, the long awaited story about what happened after the birth of little Baby Noah.

He came out without a hitch.  No problems whatsoever. 

After Noah was out and we snuggled for a few minutes in the tub just relishing in the fact that I was DONE I really wanted out of that pool and into bed.

A few short steps to the bedroom and after getting all cozy in bed it was time to birth the placenta.  An often forgotten fact of birth, the placenta has to come out too!

Placenta also came out without any problems, one quick tug during a contraction and out it came.  Fully intact, no obvious missing pieces.

For the next few hours the midwives cleaned the birth tub, let us have some new family time with baby and intermittently checked on me and my bleeding and baby latch etc etc.

I was doing really well for awhile.  I was having large gushes of blood WHICH WERE DISGUSTING and one of the pluses for both drugs and a hospital birth, you don't feel the blood gush because you're numb AND someone whisks it away for you probably before you even notice it, but that was to be expected as there is a certain amount of blood that has to come out.  Nothing abnormal.

I got up to pee once with the help of my midwife and passed a huge disgusting clot, but again, nothing abnormal.

But then, somewhere around the 3 hour mark, right when the midwives were packing up and getting ready to leave, my midwife came in to give my uterus one last quick massage and after one too many huge gushes of blood....I passed the fuck out.

One minute I'm sitting there holding my baby saying I feel a little funny and the next I'm flat on my back with my midwife asking me weird questions like what's your name and where are you, etc etc.  And instead of a baby in my arms my mom is in the corner holding him looking absolutely petrified.

Needless to say I scared the crap out of her and husband.  They watched me turn white as a ghost and my eyes roll back in my head and basically drop my baby.

After it was all said and done and I was stable again (after a shot of pitocin in my thigh) my midwife assured me that I had not lost too much blood and I was not hemorrhaging (my single greatest fear when it comes to home birth) but that I had just lost all the blood one normally loses during the birth, the birth of the placenta and afterward, all at once instead of in 3 segregated events causing a huge drop in blood pressure.

When you have a baby a certain amount of blood usually comes out with the baby, Noah came out really clean...and so was my tub water...


Next you birth the placenta and again, there's usually a certain amount of blood that comes out with the placenta.  My placenta basically came out by itself with no blood.

Then comes the uterine massage where all the rest of the blood comes out over the course of a few hours (and days).  So all mine came at this point, all at once, huge huge gushes of blood, over and over and clearly it was too much and out I went.

My midwife examined the placenta thoroughly, twice, to confirm that it was in fact intact and I didn't have some retaining pieces in there causing me to continue to bleed.  She also reexamined all the blood that had come out (ew!) and assured me that there was NOT an abnormal amount of blood...it just came out too fast and all at once.

Regardless of this reassurance I was now scared to get out of bed, especially after my midwife left.  So basically I stayed in the exact same position all night (so uncomfortable!!!).  In the morning when I finally couldn't stand it any longer and I had to move AND PEE!  I got up, made it to the bathroom, and out come 3 HUGE absolutely disgusting clots, WAY BIGGER than the egg size they tell you to be wary of. 

So back to bed I went, sore, tired and very very scared that my uterus wasn't doing what it was supposed to and I was going to bleed to death because I chose to have a homebirth instead of go to the hospital.  By the way this was right at the mark that I left the hospital with Jett, I stayed for 12 hours and this was about 12 hours after I had Noah, so all this shit I was dealing with was probably pretty normal, I was just numb the first time and had a catheter to pee and didn't have to get up for awhile, etc etc. so I had no idea that the first 12 hours were this awful!!!

Anyway, back to bed I went, midwife was called (she was already coming by later, they always come on Day 1, but I called her anyway to tell her about the clots) and I tried to rest.

So so grateful I had all my family around at this point, Jett was with my mom and we didn't have to worry about him at all and everyone brought us food!

When my midwife came by she brought along some sort of drug that for the life of me I can't remember what it's called but it's similar to pitocin except in pill form.  Basically makes your uterus clamp down hard to help stop bleeding.  So she brought this pill, set it on my bedside table and said, this is if you start feeling really shitty, I think you'll be fine at this point, but just in case I'm leaving it here.

And there it sat.  I felt fine all day (other than the incredible soreness one normally feels after giving birth) no lightheadedness, no abnormal cramping, just generally felt like crap because I just had a baby.

But then comes the night.  That night at about 2:00am I started nursing Noah and instead of the normal cramping/contraction one has when one nurses right after giving birth to help the uterus contract back down, I had this really awful continual cramp that wasn't doing what it was supposed to be doing to my uterus.  Instead of amping up like a contraction, coming to a peak and then going away it just amped up about halfway AND WOULDN'T GO AWAY.  So for a half hour I was dealing with this pretty intense cramping, I started shivering, crying and shaking like a leaf.  After a call to my midwife she told me to pee (full bladder can cause problems for the uterus trying to clamp down) and then take the pill she had left. 

The pill did what it was supposed to and the cramping finally amplified like a contraction and then went away.  BUT HOLY FUCK!  Again...thought I was dying and I was stupid for having a homebirth.  But at the same time, I would have already been home from a hospital birth and what the fuck would I have done if I didn't have a midwife to call???  Go to the hospital with our newborn at 3am???  So, I'm actually pleased I had a midwife to call and tell me what to do and that left me drugs, but in the moment it was really scary.

From that point on, basically 30 hours after birth I was fine (except hemorrhoids of course!!!).  The amount of blood I bled from then to 4 weeks when it stopped officially was so minimal as to only need a pad for a few days and then a pantiliner for 2 weeks.  I passed no other clots other than those huge huge huge ones in the beginning.  It was like my body got rid of it all in the first 36 hours.  

So...there you have it.  Birth...it's not for the faint of heart!

Monday, August 31, 2015

Baby Noah - 1 Month

Oh baby Noah, let me apologize for not being as thorough with these as I was with your brother.  But let's face it, you have more experienced parents.  We're better at this, we're not as frazzled, we're so much less stressed, we know that things will just work out one way or the other, and we did all the experimenting with your brother so we have a few tricks up our sleeves.  I might be too busy sometimes to write baby posts and make picture books, but kid...you got the better end of the deal, trust me!

So at 1 month:


Baby Noah has a food allergy/sensitivity.  I think the correct term is sensitivity but whatevs, dude is unhappy with something mama is eating!  Since Jett had the dairy intolerance, as soon as Noah's poop turned green and filled with mucus at 2 weeks old we immediately assumed a dairy issue.  We wasted no time and immediately I went back to my old dairy free ways of eating.  Of course before things got better they got worse and Noah got VERY screamy...just like Jett.

Why do I make such screamy babies!!!

Two weeks later his demeanor had improved only slightly and that poop, that goddamn poop was still green and SO FULL OF MUCUS.  It was like snot, not baby poop.  So...back to the drawing board.  Ultimately we decided on his worst most screamy nights when we'd spend HOURS with little Screamy McScreamerson trying to get him to sleep were days after I had eggs.

So I cut out eggs as well as dairy.

I'm like a vegan except I eat meat.

Just a few days after the egg elimination his demeanor improved GREATLY.  So...I think we have an egg allergy/intolerance!!!

Ugh, babies are such hard work for this breastfeeding mama!!!

I'm still only a week or so into eliminating eggs but baby is much improved and the poop goes back and forth from yellow to green, cottage cheesy to mucusy, but I'm hopeful we've found the culprit.

Now...whether this is an egg AND dairy issue I don't know, but for now I'm off dairy and eggs!

At 1 month baby Noah is an average sleeper.  He's in bed with us.  He'll do 3 hour stretches of sleep both day and night and for the moment I can wrap him in my Moby, get him asleep and then transfer him to a bed (on his belly, trick I learned with Jett, as long as I'm nearby baby is a belly sleeper, babies sleep so much better on their bellies!) and he'll continue sleeping for an hour or two.  I'm hopeful this will continue but at the same time I'm realistic and realize he may be exactly like Jett and only nap for half hour in the very near future as he heads toward 6 weeks and "wakes up" a bit more.




Since I have both kiddos now Noah is going to have to nap on the go for some naps anyway, so...second time parent, I am not nearly so stressed about baby napping, it's just going to have to happen...I'll figure it out!  We spend mornings in the house (until next week when preschool starts!!!) and we spend late afternoons in the house so I'm hopeful once we're at 3 naps a day we can do those 2 naps at home and the midday nap out and about...we'll see what happens.


What else?

He's rolled over a few times.  I don't think they're supposed to roll over this young are they?  I put him on his tummy and he can totally roll over to his back.  He does it often.

I stand by my original sentiments when I had Jett that newborns are super boring...they don't do a lot besides sleep and scream.  And you know what???  This time around that is totally ok with me!!!  It means I can just wrap Noah up in the Moby and get on with my day with Jett and not worry TOO much about the little one.

And as though I needed the confirmation, I am 100% not a baby person.  There's not a single part of me that looks at Noah and thinks oh how sad that Jett isn't that small anymore.  I HAPPILY pack up clothes that the kids outgrow because with growth comes communication and independence and THAT is apparently what I enjoy about parenthood, NOT BABIES!

I'm really looking forward to 6 months.  I can't wait to set a mat down in the backyard and let Noah crawl around while Jett plays and I don't have to hold anybody constantly.  CANNOT WAIT!

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Noah's Birth Story - Part 2

Birth Story - Part 1

So it's Saturday morning.  I called my mom at 6:30am to let her know we were having a baby that day, she and my dad came by to be around when Jett woke up and get him all packed up to spend a few nights at Grandma's house.

We basically spent the morning getting ready, I texted my midwife to let her know today was the day, we made the bed with the birth sheets and a plastic liner and another set of birth sheets, we got the birth tub up and started filling it, I had a big protein packed breakfast, Dom went to the store to pick up last minute things, I finished laundry, we did a belly cast etc etc.  Contractions were pretty frequent, ranging anywhere from 4-9 minutes apart but had eased up in intensity and duration lasting only about 30 seconds.  I was completely fine to wander around and "do" things and felt no rush whatsoever, everything was very calm and relaxed...except my dad who was a big ball of anxious energy and kept asking me when my midwife would be coming...oh dad.

Somewhere around noon, after we'd all had lunch (I learned my lesson from Jett's labor on eating at least, I ate and drank a ton before things picked up!) the grandparents left with Jett and I retired to bed.  Since I'd had 2 crap nights sleep I wanted to rest before labor picked up (again, learned my lesson) as it seemed like I was in for another long labor.  We were 9 hours in and I was still very clearly only in early labor.

As soon as I laid down to relax and try to nap the contractions picked back up again.  They were now over a minute and more intense but coming only every 10-15 minutes.  This felt so weird to me because I've read and been told over and over again how moving and walking and changing positions etc etc are all ways to keep labor moving but for me it seemed like as soon as I stopped moving, laid down and relaxed labor would pick up.  Totally the opposite of everything I know about labor.  I texted my midwife and she said it made complete sense.  Labor was picking up as I relaxed.  Ok...fair enough.  Amusingly I tested this theory and decided about 1:30pm to take a walk down and back up my very long, very steep driveway.  I believe it's a 1/4 mile, we walked all the way down and all the way back up with only 2 contractions!  My midwife's theory seemed to hold water, walking was NOT progressing labor.

So I did what any rational person would do...I went to bed =)  Dom and I found some crap movies to watch and I just hung out in bed.  For posterity sake and because it's amusing we watched Broken Arrow and then National Treasure, I imagined myself wanting calm serene music playing as I labored but no...I apparently wanted to watch crappy action movies to take my mind of what was happening.  Somewhere in here I finally started to lose my mucus plug so even though contractions felt irregular it was clear cervical change was happening.

Then without warning after 13 hours of early labor things picked up.  I went from being able to breathe through contractions while lying in bed to suddenly needing to be on the floor on my hands and knees to get through them.  I was in contact with my midwife throughout all this and was trying to hold out on getting into the tub knowing that a) the tub can slow or even stall labor if you get in too early and b) it can dehydrate the shit out of you (another lesson learned from Jett's birth) but she said feel free to get in whenever and just get back out if things slow down.  So after a particularly painful contraction in which I just started balling my eyes out while on my hands and knees next to my bed I knew I needed to get in that tub.  So I did.
 
 Still smiling between contractions!

Things were so much better in the tub!

Things happened pretty quick once I was in the tub.  Contractions went from 8 minutes apart down to just 2-3 minutes apart and were about 75 seconds long.  At roughly 4:30pm, 13.5 hours after labor began Dom was finally feeling uncomfortable enough to tell the midwife it was time to head over (yes Dom, not me, I think I would have held out a bit longer...and it might have been too late!)  Had I been going to the hospital I think this is when I would have gone and OMG it would have been a painful 20 minute drive to the hospital!!!

Midwives got there roughly an hour later at 5:30pm, got themselves all set up and started listening to baby between contractions.  I was now very uncomfortable and was definitely crying during some of the contractions.  I was having the dreaded back labor and no amount of counter pressure or change of position was helping.  I was even tempted to get out of the tub at one point to see if I could find a better position but decided the tub was way to wonderful to leave so I stuck it out.  Turns out I didn't have to stick it out for long!

At 6:15pm my water finally broke (for the record you can totally tell that your water has broken even in the tub) and about 2 minutes later I had the urge to push.  My midwife knew exactly what was going on and just from listening to me breathe and moan through contractions (and grunt as the urge to push took over) came over to let me know that my baby would be born soon without every putting a hand inside me.  But here at the time to push, for me, this was the hardest part.  With Jett's birth I had the urge to push WAY prematurely and had been dealing with rectal pressure and an involuntary pushing sensation during contractions for HOURS, so much so that I wasn't even feeling contractions in my uterus anymore they were all pressure sensations in my bum!  All the premature pushing started to swell my cervix and I only made it to 6cm before getting the epidural with Jett.  So the pushing sensation sort of scared me.  I had no idea if I was 10cm dilated because I hadn't been checked and I was nervous about swelling my cervix if it wasn't in fact time to push.  But I needn't have worried because with the next few contractions came an urge to push so strong that there would have been no stopping it even if I were so inclined.

BUT at some point in here I asked my midwife to check me to make sure it was ok to push and she barely had her fingers in there and she could already feel the head...so baby was already through my cervix and I was most definitely fully dilated!!! After that confirmation and a little experimenting I finally started pushing along with the contractions and all I can say is HOLY SHIT IT HURT.  In my head I had decided that once you got to the pushing stage contractions were no longer painful and that they became just a pushing sensation and you could calmly and painlessly push your baby out.  Clearly I underestimated THE INTENSITY of that pushing sensation and obviously all those women in all those natural birth videos I've seen are robots...I'm looking at you Ricki Lake.

As we got closer to crowning I was WRITHING in pain, screaming, crying, several times I was like OMG I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE!!!  Crowning was particularly painful.  I guess they don't call it the Ring of Fire for nothing.  The pressure and pain I felt not only on my perineum in the back (which I expected) but my clitoris in the front (which I did NOT) was pretty excrutiating...not gonna lie.  After the longest 2 minutes of my life with baby's head crowning, waiting on the next contraction with the next push, where i actually screamed GET OUT! baby's head was finally born.   Then once his head came out THE BABY TURNS to get his shoulders out and he's half inside you and half out of you and ACK! SO WEIRD, I could feel him turning and watch him turning at the same time, such a strange sensation.  This was all the stuff I felt like I missed out on with Jett's birth because I was so numb from my epidural...it was all very painful and weird...I'm not so sure I should have been upset for missing out on it the first time.  But one more push and out pops Baby Noah at 7pm.  Only 45 minutes of pushing.  No tearing other than labial "skid marks", same thing I had with Jett.  And only 4 hours of active "painful" labor.  Total labor was 17 hours but WHAT A DIFFERENCE from Jett's marathon 29 hour labor.

My initial thoughts upon baby being put on my chest AFTER discovering it was a boy was "that's it, I"m done, no more babies, 2 boys is enough."  I was so relieved to be done. 



I am beyond grateful that I finally got my very longed for homebirth but I have to say...the experience was very different than what I imagined.  After having a hospital birth and having a homebirth I can actually say there are advantages and disadvantages to both.  My birth itself  went off without a hitch, quick, complication free but some of the aftermath was a little scary in a homebirth setting.  Up next I'll tell you all about the next few hours after Noah was born!

Monday, August 3, 2015

Jett - 3 years

My goodness child, how are you 3???

You seem like such a big kid these days as we welcomed baby brother into the family.  I can't believe it was only 3 years ago that you were just as small as Noah.
 Oh how we love chips.

These days you are such a talker.  You have quite the vocabulary and are always careful to use proper grammar, how you know proper grammar is beyond me, but you always pause to carefully consider what wording should be used when you have a long sentence you're trying to spit out.

You are so nice and gentle with Baby Noah and make sure to give him kisses and cuddles each night before bed.  I know we're only 10 days in but you've welcomed your new brother into the family rather than being jealous of him and mama is very proud of how you've handled the change.  You make sure to include him in your pretend play when you're handing out "cocoa" or "tea" or "juice", Noah always gets one too.


You are absolutely in love with all things train right now.  You want to watch Thomas every afternoon and then you reenact your favorite Thomas stories with your trains and I love hearing your imagination at work.  Daddy has almost as much fun as you playing with trains.


You've done amazing with your swim lessons this year and have graduated into the next class in which mommy and daddy get to ditch you with the teacher instead of getting into the water with you.  Mama is more excited about this than you know, I love that you've been taking swimming lessons, but I do not enjoy getting in the pool with you!

Preschool starts in a month and again...Mama is so excited for you to begin this next step in your life!  You have never been one to cling to mama in social situations and have never needed me for reassurance.  You've always been happy to jump into activities with other kids and I think you and preschool will get along just fine.

As we start over with a new baby I'm reminded of just how far you've come and just how proud I am to call you my son.

Much love Baby Jett on your 3rd Birthday!

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Noah's Birth Story - Part 1

Oh where do I begin...

Let's start at the actual beginning shall we?  In hindsight I knew labor was impending several days before it actually happened.  But since I didn't go into labor with Jett, I was feeling very much like a first timer once we hit 38 weeks and had no idea what I was expecting.  Also, I was only 39 weeks, even though I was WANTING baby to come early I didn't actually believe I wouldn't see my due date.

On Wednesday morning, 38w6d, I woke up feeling very anxious.  The fair was in town and we had made plans to go that Friday but suddenly I felt like we needed to do it that day or it wasn't gonna happen.  No rational reason for feeling like that but it needed to be done and out of the way that day.  I also suddenly needed to do all the laundry and just sort of tidy the house up.  Not full blown cleaning but I picked everything up, sorted out anything that was left in piles etc.  And that was that for Wednesday.  We went to the fair, walked around for a few hours with nothing to indicate labor was on it's way and my anxiety went away.

Thursday, 39w, I had a midwife appt.  I got my membranes swept.  This is not necessarily the standard for a homebirth midwife, they usually have a wait and see approach and try not to mess with the natural flow of labor but we'd discussed it the previous week and she said she was comfortable doing it at 39 weeks and I said GREAT because the prospect of flying with only a few weeks recovery time was starting to weigh heavily on my mind. I wanted this kid out sooner rather than later so I had time to heal before heading back to CA.  Last time I was 100% opposed to getting any sort of cervical check whatsoever unless I hit 41 weeks but this time...bring it on at 39 weeks!  After the birth my midwife actually told me when she saw me that day she had a feeling baby was on his way in the next few days anyway so she had no qualms about the sweep.  I was dilated to a whopping 1cm which she could stretch to a 2cm, but very soft and "ready".  I left feeling very much like labor was not coming anytime soon.  We also decided that night to leave Jett with my mom so we could go to dinner.  We were thinking he shouldn't feel like when he goes to spend the night at Grandmas it means a new baby is coming, so he should spend a few nights there before baby came.  So we went to dinner, not necessarily "for the last time" as we thought we had another week but again, odd timing and perhaps I knew it was the last time.  We had SPICY curry and I ate way too much.

39 weeks

That night I woke up at 3am with the most awful heartburn I have ever had in my life.  I tried everything to get rid of it.  Even drank baking soda in water, DISGUSTING.  But I was basically awake from 3-6am then up for the day at 7am because I just couldn't lay down with the heartburn anymore.  So, SHITTY NIGHT SLEEP ONE, clearly I'm destined to begin labor after very little sleep.

Friday, 39w1d, we had plans to go to the coast, which we've never done with Jett, and again so glad we got this out of the way!  The coast is only an hour drive so we knew if I went into labor it wouldn't be a big deal to get back home quickly.  I spent the day feeling like absolute poop.  Crazy heartburn which left me really unable to eat much, a bit nauseous and a bit crampy.  Basically I was a big ball of ICK.  But we had fun, Jett especially!





I'm really glad we did this as it turned out to be our last trip as a family of 3!

On the way home from the coast I started having contractions.  Timeable, every 8 minutes, lasting for a minute.  We got home, I told Dom I needed to use the loo and take a bath, I say need because really it was like a NEED, I NEEDED a bath, so weird but when I got out I would tell him what needed to happen.  But basically as soon as I hopped in the bath, everything stopped.  Contractions went away and just generally I started feeling better.   BUT it felt like the time was near, we went to bed that night knowing we were getting close to the end.

Saturday, 39w2d I woke up again at 3am...this time not from heartburn but with timeable painful contractions.  Again, every 8-9 minutes lasting for a minute.  They continued until I finally got up at 6am, took a shower and when I got out I told Dom, today is the day, we're having a baby!

To be continued...

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Introducing...

Another Boy!


Noah Lawson Brennan
Weight: 7lbs.
Height: 18.5 inches

Born at home in the tub on July 25 at 7pm.

Birth story coming soon!

Friday, July 17, 2015

Baby #2 Bumpdate - Weeks 37 & 38

In another few hours I will officially be more pregnant than I have ever been.  I went to the hospital for my induction with Jett at 38 weeks exactly and he was born at 4:45am when I was 38w2d pregnant.

So, here we are at 38w1d and I'm starting to fret.  Let me bumpdate you all and I will share all my fears and frustrations that have begun to crop up as we enter brand new territory.

How Far Along: 38w1d

Weight Gain: Must be 32 lbs now?  I think.  I weight about 150 most mornings, give or take a lb.

What's Up With My Body: Body is actually feeling ok other than the fact that I seem to have a baby fully engaged in my pelvis and HELLO...I can feel it.  My pelvis is very uncomfortable and "full".  But sleep is good, rib is good, heartburn kicks my ass some days and other days in non-existent.  Basically I'm hangin in there.  Ready to be done and more tired than uncomfortable these last few days.

Emotions: Ugh, emotionally I'm kind of a mess.  I don't know what happened to me yesterday but I got to my midwife appointment and I just started balling.  First I was REALLY tired, like woke up feeling exhausted, took a 2 hour nap, still felt exhausted, just felt really really run down and tired.  But then also apparently this GBS diagnosis has left me a little more uneasy and stressed than I let myself believe because when she asked me about it all this information came pouring out of me that I didn't even realize I was thinking.  Like, suddenly I was saying that I didn't know if a homebirth was the safest option anymore and I felt like I was selfishly putting my baby in danger if I was still GBS positive with this retest.  And maybe I should just have a hospital birth because then I could have the antibiotics.  Really did not realize that was what I was feeling, but that's what came pouring out.

Also, Dom has been gone for just over my limit of amount of time I can stand solo parenting.  I make it to about a week and then I'M DONE.  And here we are on Day 9...I'm done.  He will be back late tonight and basically he is taking the kid WHENEVER I ASK because I'm exhausted and I can't do this by myself anymore.

And last but not least I'm still busy fretting about my baby being small.  He/she is roughly 6 lbs. according to the skilled hands of my midwife and wouldn't you know it, Jett was 6 lbs.  It was always assumed that Jett was small because of the preeclampsia and he had quit growing a few weeks back but...this baby is small too.  So I'm left wondering DID I HAVE PREECLAMPSIA AT ALL???  Or do I just grow small babies?  Or is there another reason this baby is small?  My belly measurement was 34cm this week, so up from last week but I'm 38 weeks!  My midwife is not worried, she says there's plenty of amniotic fluid, baby has visibly grown and baby is just fully engaged down low in my pelvis and yes...I grow small babies.  So, trying not to worry BUT I CAN'T HELP IT.  We've made it so far I don't want anything to go wrong here in the homestretch!

Bumpdate:
My last comparison.  38 weeks this time.

And 38 weeks last time.

Friday, July 10, 2015

Full Term and Things I'm Worried About

Well folks, WE'RE HERE!  Full term.

I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.

I've begun all the tricks. 

Evening Primrose Oil.  Check.

Raspberry Leaf Tea.  Check.

Walking.  Check.

Spicy Food.  Check.

Dates.  Check.

Acupressure.  Check.

Yoga Ball.  Well...I have my yoga ball but honestly haven't sat on it once...maybe today!

Sex and Nipple Stimulation will have to wait until husband is back in a week but I'm doing everything else I can!

So while some of the angst about going into labor early (why do I think I will go into labor early???) has disappeared now because I no longer have to go to the hospital if I should in fact go into labor (before 37 weeks you can't have a homebirth).  I now have other anxieties that are wiggling around in my brain.

First, I tested positive for GBS.  This wasn't even on my radar because I tested negative last time and you know ALL PREGNANCIES ARE EXACTLY THE SAME so I just figured I would be negative this time too.  

As always, I was wrong.

So, positive GBS test, not usually a big deal right?  Had I tested positive last time I just would of had IV antibiotics in labor either at the hospital or had my home birth gone according to plan, didn't matter it would have been the same.  BUT HERE IN OR midwives are unfortunately not allowed to administer IV antibiotics.  WHAT?!  So...there are alternatives.  There's a vaginal rinse that is used in Europe with good results that I'm trying now.  I've also increased my probiotics, eating yogurt and taking a shit ton of Vit C, all of which are supposed to help one's body rid itself of GBS.  So, we retest in about a week and if I'm negative at that point, YAY!  If I'm still positive???  There's a few other options but ones I'm not terribly excited about.  I'll keep you posted.

Second thing I'm stressing about.  MY GODDAMN BELLY IS SO SMALL AGAIN!  I measured 33cm at my 36 week appt and I measured 30cm yesterday at my 37 week appt.  WTF?  Do I just grow small babies???  Jett was small because of the preeclampsia and had basically quit growing after 35 weeks, but this time???  My midwife actually insists baby is growing fine and is visibly bigger to her and baby has just dropped down into my pelvis and that I carry my babies "close" so baby is all tucked inside READY TO GO.  So...I'm trying not to fret.  

BP is amazing at 117/78 yesterday and I have no protein in my urine so there's no reason to think I will end up preeclamptic again.  I took a look at my pregnancy with Jett and around this time my blood pressure was 148/93!  All good on that front as far as I can tell.

So, there you have it.  We're full term, ready to go...and now we wait.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Baby #2 Bumpdate - Weeks 35 & 36

35 weeks always feels monumental because you're 35 weeks and you have 35 days left!

Happy coincidence but one I enjoy.

How far along: I actually meant to post this last week at 35 weeks but alas we are at 36 weeks now.

Weight Gain: 149 = 31 lbs gained! The weight definitely seems to have tapered off.  This happened last time and it was because Jett had quit growing so I'm a teeny bit nervous, but I'm trying to remain calm and think that I just grow small babies.

What's Up with My Body: BP is staying under control!  It's actually well within the normal range at 112/76 last week, which makes me happy because this is about when things started to go haywire last time.  We'll see what tomorrow's appointment brings!

Rib was popped back in last week but DAMN it took 4 days for it to not hurt and now it's just...tender.  I'm uber conscious of it and worried about it popping out which seems to put some strain on the muscles around it.  So my back just generally hurts these days.  These last few weeks are a struggle!

Heartburn every night when I wake up at 2-3am but 1 Tums takes care of it.

INSOMNIA FINALLY RELEASED IT'S HOLD and I can sleep the normal 3-4 hours before I need to get up and pee.  THANK GOD.

Contractions keep waking me up in the middle of the night.  They are almost always caused by the need to pee but it isn't the need to pee that's waking me it's an awful cramping/tightness/hot flash of a BH contraction!  I kind of like it and am looking forward to the day in which it's actual labor waking me up in the middle of the night!

The bump no longer feels big, nor am I measuring big.  In fact...just like last time, I'm measuring a bit small.  34cm at 35 weeks and baby is roughly 5 lbs.

Emotions:  I am so ready for this baby.  And I'm so tired of being pregnant and solo parenting.  This ridiculous heat wave is not helping anything.  But because I'm so miserable the thought of labor does not scare me at all, I'm pretty excited for it.  I bought my birth kit and it arrived last week, so other than the birth tub which I should get around 37 weeks I'm all set!

Gender: I am fully convinced it's a girl.  Dom says 'he' and it feels wrong!  I'm prepared for either outcome but...I think girl.

Bumpdate:

36 weeks this time.

And 35 weeks last time.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Baby #2 Bumpdate - Weeks 33 & 34

How far along: 34w1d

Weight Gain: I don't know how much I've gained in the last few weeks but I'm 145ish right now, which puts me at 27 lbs gained total.

What's Up with My Body: Well...my pelvis feels better.  I went to the chiropractor and he confirmed that my left hip was in fact fucked.  The SI joint was out of whack, the hip flexor was out of whack and the round ligament was TIGHT.  All in all there was a reason for my discomfort and with a bit of an adjustment he actually fixed the damn thing!  BUT, my rib popped out again.  DAMN!  So, pelvis feels great, upper back really really hurts.  Even with a return trip and another adjustment to put it back in place...still hurts and I imagine will continue to hurt for the rest of this pregnancy.

Sleep: Pregnancy insomnia can kiss my ass.  I can't fall asleep, I can't stay asleep, I wake up 7,000 times a night.  I wake up feeling anything but refreshed.  Sleeping sucks!

Stretch Marks: No, not even the one on my boob from last time.

Emotions: OMG, as soon as the rib popped out I lost it.  Balled my eyes out for most of the day.  It turns out ALL household chores require some amount of bending and bending HURTS right now.  Dom is still gone (home tonight!) and I felt very emotional and helpless and I was in pain and my house was turning into a pigsty because I couldn't pick up toys or do laundry or put dishes away or ANYTHING it felt like.  Last night I finally worked up the energy and courage to JUST DO IT and if I take my time I can bend enough to at least pick up everything off the floor and put the dishes away.  So, feeling better...but definitely hit a low point this week.

Bumpdate: 

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

The Fear is Gone

I must confess...I was scared of having a newborn again.

Very very scared.

And for only one reason.  The sleeplessness.

The thought of being up at all hours of the night with a restless newborn or nursing every 2 hours made me want to cry.

Jett has been such a wonderful sleeper that I was no longer used to waking at night.  And honestly I didn't/don't want to do the newborn thing all over again.  It was awful.

But then I got pregnant and I was up 2 or 3 times to pee.  Ok...I can handle it, preparation for new baby, I get it.  It wasn't that bad.

BUT NOW I CANNOT SLEEP LONGER THAN 2 HOURS.  Sometimes not even 2 hours.

It's like when Jett was at the peak of the awfulness that got him sent to his own room to CIO.  I see every hour on the clock.  SLEEP DEPRIVATION IS A FORM OF TORTURE.

I have tried everything I'm allowed.  Benadryl, Unisom, Valerian Root.  None of it even touches this insomnia.  I go to bed around 10pm (can't fall asleep before that) and I'm up by 11:30.  Then 12:45.  Then 1:15.  Then 2:45.  And it continues all night.

There is nothing waking me that I can discern.  I wake up perfectly comfortable but thoroughly annoyed.  I always get up to pee because if I try to roll over and go back to sleep I will be woken up to pee shortly thereafter and I'm always trying to maximize how long I can stay asleep.  But it doesn't help.  NOTHING HELPS.

Last night I was woken up by CONTRACTIONS.  Braxton Hicks contractions, but contractions nonetheless.

I've started praying for 3 hour stretches of sleep guys...just 3. 

My husband (when he's here) has moved to the other bedroom most nights so as to again...maximize the amount of time I sleep because if he's snoring when I try to fall back asleep I can't fall back asleep.  If he's not there I at least fall asleep easily all 13 thousand times I wake up.  

I can now honestly say that I'm not scared of the sleeplessness of a newborn.  I actually think I will be sleeping MORE when baby gets here as I know they sleep for 3-4 hours in the beginning and a 4 hour stretch sounds like HEAVEN.

One night about 3 weeks ago I got a 5 hour stretch and I felt AMAZING!  I burst out of bed at 7am feeling more energized than I remember feeling in a long long time.

So there you have it, the body's amazing ability to get you ready for your baby no matter what.  I'm ready body, I'M READY!  I will take the newborn.  If I was 2 weeks further along I'd be encouraging labor just to get this baby out of me and get some sleep.

HOW IS THAT FOR IRONY?  I want the baby OUT to sleep.  

If this continues all the way to 42 weeks I will be a basketcase.

I think I only made it a month with Jett waking every 1.5 before I lost my shit.  I don't know if I'll make it any longer this time and I'm about a week in. 

Dear Baby, 3 more weeks...I can do this for 3 more weeks and then you have to come OUT or I'm going to go insane and you will have only a shell of a crazy lady for a mother by the time you arrive.

Anyone know any tricks to STAY asleep? Falling asleep is easy.  And I'll try anything at this point.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Baby #2 Bumpdate - Weeks 30, 31...& 32

What a slacker.

3 weeks since I've bumpdated.

Again, sorry Baby #2, but this time it's your fault, I've been busy preparing for YOUR arrival by moving to Oregon for the next 3 months.

So, we're here, we made it safely to Oregon.  It feels nice to finally be in the space in which I will hopefully be giving birth but it's been a hectic transition!

Dom was here, then he was gone and he's been gone since Monday, so I'm solo parenting.  We had a leak in our water main and dead mice in our attic stinking up the joint...it's been a bit stressful.

BUT we're settling in and I'm glad to be here amongst family, all ready to help in any way they can.

Let's bumpdate shall we?

How far along: 32w1d

Weight Gain: Big frowny face =( I'm up to 145...which is 27 lbs gained!!!  EEK!

What's Up With My Body: My pelvic girdle is uncomfortable in many ways.  I feel a lot of pressure, mostly in my rectum honestly, but it has nothing to do with pooping, just baby pushing and that seems to be where the pressure is directed.  I, unfortunately had this issue when in labor last time where all the contractions were pushed down into my rectum...hurt like a bitch, I'm afraid I'm doomed to have a repeat this time around if I'm already feeling a similar pressure.  But now things like sitting on hard surfaces are really uncomfortable, my whole ass hurts after just a few minutes.

My pelvis may also be out of alignment.  I went for a walk a few weeks ago, not a long walk by any stretch, maybe a mile in total (pushing a stroller) and after I laid down for a nap I got up and COULD BARELY WALK!  It felt like a pulled groin almost except the pain was radiating UP from my crotch through the left side of me, like INSIDE.  I was basically immobile for the rest of the day, I could only shuffle along, any lifting of the left leg sent pain radiating up through me.  It happened 3 more times over the next week, anytime I went walking for any distance.  I waited for my midwife appt last week to bring it up and she thinks it's a muscle spasm (because there is in fact a muscle that goes up inside you starting at your crotch, who knew?) caused by a pelvic misalignment.  So...off to the chiropractor I go, I can imagine few things worse than a pelvic being out of alignment BEFORE giving birth!

BP...is awesome.  113/66 yesterday.  So, check that off, I'll quit worrying about that for now.

Emotions: Still feeling pretty good emotionally.  I may be in a bit of denial about the fact that there is in fact another little person about to join our little family.  I worry about how this transition will affect Jett more than anything else.  Part of me is ridiculously worried about having a newborn again but the other part knows we'll just figure it out and we'll all survive...even if it's as awful as it was the first time.

Gender:  I officially have absolutely no idea.

Bumpdate:
My bump looks so much smaller bare...what's up with that?


And a comparison to last time...a little bigger, but not much...