Christmas Came Early For Us

Just when I was ready to write 2011 off as a total bust, it had one last little surprise for us.

Just 2 weeks before Christmas, I got my 2nd one of these:

On the heels of my anonymity post, and the one time I've wished this blog was anonymous, if you know me in real life PLEASE keep this information to yourselves.

I am 7 weeks, 5 days and considering what happened last time it is WAY too early for me to be spreading this news to the general public.

But out of respect for all of you who helped me through my darkest times and have been my sisters in this shithole of infertility I needed you all to know.

Also, 1 week from today marks the day that Baby A's heart stopped beating.  I have found a way to make peace with whatever the outcome of this pregnancy may be, but from now until my scan at 10 weeks will be the most anxious-ridden time for me and I know I will look to you ladies for some comfort, support and words of encouragement.

This year was still a shitty, shitty year, but it left one last little glimmer of hope and I can only pray that 2012 will follow through and bring us the joy that 2011 so cruelly took away.

Merry Christmas

From our home to yours.

A Short Blogging Break

I have to take a little blogging break guys.

My reasons are twofold.

One:  My MIL arrives tomorrow.

She will be here with us for 2 weeks and I feel like I'm supposed to entertain her rather than sit on my computer blogging about my feelings.

It is my mission in life for the next 2 weeks to be a good hostess.

I know...I dream big.

Reason Two:  I have a few things I need to sort out in my head that keep getting confused when I sit down to blog and when I read other infertility blogs.

Sometimes I can feel myself being in a really positive place, I can imagine a future healthy pregnancy and a life with children and everything is looking up.  Then I start reading infertility blogs and suddenly I'm in a much darker place, that place where thoughts of recurrent miscarriage overwhelm anything positive that I was feeling and worry and despair take over.

I love reading everyone's blog and I appreciate that you read mine in return, but I need a little break, a break from all the heartache that as a community we've been dealt too much of.

So, MIL is in town and I am stepping away from the world of infertility for 2 weeks.

I hope to have found the peace I'm looking for (yes, peace only takes 2 weeks to find) and I will come back in the New Year ready to face my infertility as well as all of yours with some positivity rather than the despair I am feeling lately.

Here's hoping I come back to tons of BFP's from you all and as few stories of miscarriages, stillborns and BFN's as possible.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Giving Back

I would like to do something nice this Christmas.

It has been a shittastic year to say the least but as they say, time heals all.

The pain from the miscarriage and death of my grandmother have lessened with each passing day, and while I will miss them both for as long as I live it's nice not to have that dreadful sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that comes along with SO. MUCH. GRIEF.

I know that even though we've been dealt a lot of crap this year there are still others that are so much less fortunate and I need to get my perspective back about what is actually important during this holiday season.

We have a roof over our heads, we are financially stable, we have vehicles that run and we're healthy...aside from the whole infertility thing.  This is NOT the time to sit around feeling sorry for ourselves because there's others out there that have it SO MUCH WORSE.

It's time to do a little giving to others.

So, I'm asking all of you, what is your favorite charity to give money to or favorite way to give back during the Holiday season?

On Dasher and Dancer...

I guess I have a thing for reindeers.

I picked up this little cutie a few years ago from Crate and Barrel and he stays out all year round.

He guards the wine.

I never knew he needed a friend.

But for the love of Pottery Barn, look at all the cute reindeers they have this year!

Reiny* will soon have a friend, perhaps 2 or 3.

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* in honor of my niece who names her stuffed animals after what they are ie. her poodle named poodie and her turtle name turty, i've named my reindeer Reiny.