Wednesday, March 14, 2012

All This Pregnancy Talk

Before I say anything else I have to say ULTRASOUND IS TOMORROW!!!!

EEK!!!!


I will bumpdate tomorrow (husband out of town again!) with the ultrasound piccie.

Now back to my post.

I have something to share with you guys.

I know I talk about pregnancy almost constantly.  And the truth is I almost only read YOUR posts if they're about pregnancy (or infertility, I keep up to date with everyone's fertility treatments too).

I pretty much have nothing else to blog about these days.  And I am trying to absorb as much from the other pregnancy bloggers as I can.

And there's a reason.

With pregnancy #1 I waited until I was 8 weeks to write anything about pregnancy and then I tried to make it sporadic, every other post at most that I would write about it.  And I had barely begun to read others pregnancy blogs.

And then we lost the baby.

I had so many unpublished posts about pregnancy that were no longer relevant because I was no longer pregnant.  And I quickly unfollowed every pregnancy blog that I was reading.

Then there was a lot of miscarriage writing.  And a lot of searching for others who had recently miscarried.  And a lot of unfollowing of anyone who was lucky enough to get their BFP while I was grieving.

So, this time, instead of trying to keep my pregnancy talk down to every other post, I'm just going with it. Whatever I feel like writing that day I write and I post.

BECAUSE WHO KNOWS HOW LONG I'LL STAY PREGNANT.

And there it is.

Those sick sick thoughts that won't let me accept a full term pregnancy as a reality, those better write it and post it while you're pregnant because you might not be able to write it tomorrow thoughts.

On the outside looking in when I read my own blog it looks like I've transitioned from my place of darkness where all I could think about was recurrent miscarriage to a place where I'm now happily pregnant.  Absorbed fully in pregnancy since that's all I talk about on here and rarely do I go to that dark place anymore (except of course when met with gobs of CM =).  I don't do this consciously, which is the GOOD news, it means I'm not consciously trying to push away dark thoughts but I recognize that it might give off a much different impression of how I'm feeling than I actually am.

This whole PAIL debate really got me thinking about what I write on my blog and why.  I've never censored myself and I don't plan to start.  I write what I want, when I want and usually because it's something I want to remember. I wrote a lot about the miscarriage because I don't ever want to forget what I felt those few weeks afterward.  No, it's not pleasant but it's nice to know that I'm not there anymore.  I write about pregnancy because I want to remember all this later in life after pregnancy seems like a distant memory and I have teenagers driving me crazy.

I LOVE getting comments it's true, but they don't drive my post content, they are the added bonus of writing something worth reading.

I know that I am in a lucky position to be pregnant with 35 others who are also pregnant and have fought this battle right along side me.  Because of this, since becoming pregnant I have not had my readership go down, my comments have not gone down and my followers have actually gone UP.

But I am also very much aware that constant pregnancy chatter can be like a knife to the heart of those still in the trenches and make it seem like I've forgotten my journey to get here.  I know a lot of those still in the midst of their battles will not be reading here anymore and that's ok, I did the same thing.  

But I still wanted to let everyone know that even though my blog is constantly about pregnancy now it's not about forgetting the journey, because that would be impossible.  The unfortunate reality is...

My constant pregnancy talk = trying to squeeze in as much as possible just in case I have to quit and go back to sad writing....

15 comments:

  1. Great post Jesica. Mostly I agree with this:

    "I LOVE getting comments it's true, but they don't drive my post content, they are the added bonus of writing something worth reading."

    Since you got pregnant, I DO read your full posts less often. But I'm still silently rooting for you every minute.

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    1. Honestly I'm glad you don't read when you're not feeling up to it. I don't want anyone reading my posts and then feeling shitty afterward.

      Thank you for continuing to peek in from time to time though!

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  2. I admit that I have stopped following some pregnant bloggers, but mostly it was because I didn't really feel a connection with them. There are many pregnant bloggers that I have continued to follow after they've transitioned from IF to pregnancy because I am genuinely happy for them and have an emotional investment in their story. However, I find that I don't comment often on those blogs simply because I usually don't know what to say. I'm not in the same place right now, so I can't relate to a lot of the experiences a pregnant woman goes through.

    Anyway, that was my rambling way of saying that I'm still here, reading along and rooting for you, even if I don't say much. And I'm glad you don't censor yourself. This is a very special time for you and you need to honour that. :)

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    1. It's good to know you're still there =)

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  3. Yay for ultrasound day! I've been keeping up with you but I've been a horrible commenter lately. Life is busy. Good for you for writing about whatever you feel like. I love reading your pregnancy updates and hearing that you're doing well!

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  4. Write about anything and everything you want. This is your journey and your space to record it. You should feel free to blog in happiness as well as sadness.

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  5. I think you should write about whatever you want - this is your space! I think your ultrasound tomorrow is going to go just great, and you're going to feel pregnant for real really soon. Enjoy this time, it's going to go by so quickly and soon you'll have a little one in your arms!

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  6. I am so glad you are happy. You deserve to be. You had a hell of a year.

    I said to myself if I got pregnant again I was going to fully embrace every.single.minute. And I have. I admittedly am not a huge fan of being pregnant. Sorry, but it's true. I don't think I will be one of those women that just radiate and glow and love being pregnant but I am enjoying it and I am just so bleeding happy that I am pregnant that is the main thing.

    So do not stress about the recent drama's. If people don't want to read that is fine and if they do that is fine too!!

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  7. I know what you mean about enjoying it while you have it. I blogged that way alot at first when I was super stressed about miscariage! Also I love that you brought up the whole topic of blogging for comments, I'm over the whole PAIL debate but I really do think that a few comments about comments were taken out of proportion and applied to all of us as a whole which I HATE!

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  8. I just got back from vacation (Puerto Rico!!!) & caught up on your blog. You had an emotional week Mama! I'm glad that everything is ok & completely understand the fear. Sadly, it never actually goes away. Just gets to be less & less. Yeah to your friend for having a doppler to put your mind at ease during the trip!

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  9. I like to read your posts Jesica because you don't censor yourself. Sometimes I'm not up for it and I'll just scan, I'll admit it, but like Mrs Green Grass - I'm totally rooting for you - just a little more quietly. :)

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  10. You're allright in my book. I don't know why because I am sensitive but some people I just find comforting to read. Your posts are disarming and endearing. I'm just 100% happy for ya. Hopefully, one day we'll both be parenting bloggy friends. I gotta follow a few preggos so I know what's going to happen to me. Like gobs of CM!

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  11. It's funny because your blog has become a conversation topic in our family... when my mom calls, she's often like, "did you read your cousin's blog today? Do you know what's going on with her?" haha! I love following what you have to say...and honestly, I'd read it if it were sad or happy or boring or just a bunch of random travel pics from Australia!! You sound like one healthy preggy to me, and I can't wait to hear how your ultrasound goes tomorrow!

    PS. I'm copying your bump watch updates idea and doing that on my blog now too...for posterity's sake :)

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