All This Pregnancy Talk

Before I say anything else I have to say ULTRASOUND IS TOMORROW!!!!

EEK!!!!


I will bumpdate tomorrow (husband out of town again!) with the ultrasound piccie.

Now back to my post.

I have something to share with you guys.

I know I talk about pregnancy almost constantly.  And the truth is I almost only read YOUR posts if they're about pregnancy (or infertility, I keep up to date with everyone's fertility treatments too).

I pretty much have nothing else to blog about these days.  And I am trying to absorb as much from the other pregnancy bloggers as I can.

And there's a reason.

With pregnancy #1 I waited until I was 8 weeks to write anything about pregnancy and then I tried to make it sporadic, every other post at most that I would write about it.  And I had barely begun to read others pregnancy blogs.

And then we lost the baby.

I had so many unpublished posts about pregnancy that were no longer relevant because I was no longer pregnant.  And I quickly unfollowed every pregnancy blog that I was reading.

Then there was a lot of miscarriage writing.  And a lot of searching for others who had recently miscarried.  And a lot of unfollowing of anyone who was lucky enough to get their BFP while I was grieving.

So, this time, instead of trying to keep my pregnancy talk down to every other post, I'm just going with it. Whatever I feel like writing that day I write and I post.

BECAUSE WHO KNOWS HOW LONG I'LL STAY PREGNANT.

And there it is.

Those sick sick thoughts that won't let me accept a full term pregnancy as a reality, those better write it and post it while you're pregnant because you might not be able to write it tomorrow thoughts.

On the outside looking in when I read my own blog it looks like I've transitioned from my place of darkness where all I could think about was recurrent miscarriage to a place where I'm now happily pregnant.  Absorbed fully in pregnancy since that's all I talk about on here and rarely do I go to that dark place anymore (except of course when met with gobs of CM =).  I don't do this consciously, which is the GOOD news, it means I'm not consciously trying to push away dark thoughts but I recognize that it might give off a much different impression of how I'm feeling than I actually am.

This whole PAIL debate really got me thinking about what I write on my blog and why.  I've never censored myself and I don't plan to start.  I write what I want, when I want and usually because it's something I want to remember. I wrote a lot about the miscarriage because I don't ever want to forget what I felt those few weeks afterward.  No, it's not pleasant but it's nice to know that I'm not there anymore.  I write about pregnancy because I want to remember all this later in life after pregnancy seems like a distant memory and I have teenagers driving me crazy.

I LOVE getting comments it's true, but they don't drive my post content, they are the added bonus of writing something worth reading.

I know that I am in a lucky position to be pregnant with 35 others who are also pregnant and have fought this battle right along side me.  Because of this, since becoming pregnant I have not had my readership go down, my comments have not gone down and my followers have actually gone UP.

But I am also very much aware that constant pregnancy chatter can be like a knife to the heart of those still in the trenches and make it seem like I've forgotten my journey to get here.  I know a lot of those still in the midst of their battles will not be reading here anymore and that's ok, I did the same thing.  

But I still wanted to let everyone know that even though my blog is constantly about pregnancy now it's not about forgetting the journey, because that would be impossible.  The unfortunate reality is...

My constant pregnancy talk = trying to squeeze in as much as possible just in case I have to quit and go back to sad writing....