My Former Self

Before IF entered my life and I thought I would get pregnant the second I quit taking my pills I had a very distinct family that I was aiming for.

I wanted 3 girls.

If you couldn't guess, I am one of 3 girls.

I have no brothers, my family is a family of girls.

I have one niece, no nephews.

And oddly, Dom's family is very similar.

Of course HE'S a boy but he's got 2 sisters, and 1 niece.  So between the 2 of us there are 4 sisters and 2 nieces.  Yes, there are brother-in-laws, but the blood relatives are girls.

So, I wanted girls.

And even more specifically I wanted BLONDE girls.

I knew when I married my husband that my blonde dreams were probably going out the window as he has black hair and everyone in his family has dark hair...in fact I've never met a relative of Dom's with blonde hair.  I can hold out hope that there's a recessive gene in there somewhere, but more than likely there will be no blondies coming from Dom's gene pool.

And I accepted this.

But I still wanted the girls.

Then somewhere along the line when it became apparent that making babies was not going to be as easy as we all hope it is I gave up on the girls and resigned myself to having boys.

Like somehow if giving up the girl babies would make getting pregnant easier I was all in.  This obviously isn't rational, it wasn't my desire for girl babies that kept me from getting pregnant, but you all know how it is, crazy thoughts take hold.

And you're willing to give up ANYTHING just to be pregnant.

The first pregnancy I was sure it was a boy, BUT IT DIDN'T MATTER.  Not even a tiny little bit, I did not mourn the loss of my dream family with 3 girls AT ALL.

But then Baby BOY A didn't make it.

So, here we are with Baby B and I became so convinced during this awful journey that I was never going to be lucky enough to have my girl babies that I just wanted a baby, it didn't matter if it was a girl, that I have trouble even considering that this baby could really be a girl.

Maybe this is why I ALWAYS call it 'he'.

I can't even tell you if I prefer a girl over a boy anymore.

As everyone tells me that I'm carrying a girl, I find myself almost sad that it might NOT be a boy.

Take that my former self!  Is it possible you actually want a boy baby now?

All my other IFer's did you give up dreams of having one sex or the other just to be able to conceive?  And if you're pregnant now do you find yourself wanting one sex over the other?

Or do you find yourself like me where no amount of soul searching will drum up a preference of one over the other, MUCH TO YOUR OWN SURPRISE?

Operation: Quit Eating Crap

Guys, I'm gonna talk about something besides pregnancy.

WHAT?!

Yep, it's happening.

Here's what I would like to discuss:

The awesomeness of Meal Planning.

First, let's start with this: I'm not a big planner.  So, doing something like weekly meal planning is kind of a big deal for me.  

I'm definitely more of a Go to the Grocery Store Every. Single. Day. kind of person, and I kind of hate this about myself.

I hate going to the grocery store.

And in the very near future I fear it will be rather impractical with a newborn in tow.

In fact I loathe people at the grocery store with small children and I have vowed to never do this unless absolutely necessary.  Baby can stay with Daddy for half an hour!

Since I hate going to the grocery store I think meal planning is the greatest idea ever invented...in concept.

I've pondered meal planning and I've attempted meal planning.

I even wrote about Meal Planning.

But the part of my brain that requires me to plan out a week of meals and what goes into each of those meals does not work very well and no matter how I try to remedy the situation I still leave the grocery store missing some key ingredient and have to go back anyway...so I just shut that part of my brain off, quit trying and kept going to the grocery store every day.

Until the husband stepped in.

I'm not sure when or why he decided to bring up the idea of Weekly Meal Planning but he presented it to me as a team effort in which we'd sit down once a week and plan out our meals and then go shop for those meals together.  So if HE was interested in helping me make meal planning a reality I was on board.  

I also went ahead and let him think meal planning was totally his idea and something brand new that I'd never thought of.

Btw I think this works on all husbands, let them think the idea is THEIRS and they're way more interested in helping you.

So, we started meal planning.

And I LOVE IT.

On Fridays we sit down and have a chat about what we should cook for the week and Saturdays (Farmer's Market Day!) we shop for the week.  

And then THE BEST PART, Dom is always inspired to pick something to cook once a week and as long as it's all planned out and all the ingredients are on hand, HE COOKS ONCE A WEEK.

And it's like a little slice of heaven because I HATE COOKING.

Yes, the cook in the house hates cooking.  But what're you gonna do.  I'm jobless, he works too much, clearly I should be in charge of cooking whether I like it or not.

So, in a nutshell WEEKLY MEAL PLANNING IS AWESOME and you should all do it.  We also attempt to double recipes that are easily doubleable (totally not a word, I made it up) and freeze the extras so on nights when cooking is the last thing on your mind, VOILA! There's something to heat up in the freezer!

Now, the real reason I'm writing about meal planning...

I suck at it when my husband is gone.

Surprise, surprise!

And unfortunately he's been gone A LOT lately.  So, what do I do when he's gone?

I eat crap.

I eat a lot of crap.

And I have no idea why.

When he's here I'm really good about being the responsible eater in this home.  I cook 5-6 nights a week and I do not cook crap (unless I'm craving Fried Chicken).  Crap being fried greasy food or carbs, there's not a lot of carbs in this household, etc.  And we don't buy snacks like potato chips, so generally speaking there's not a lot of "bad" food in our house.

Lots of protein and lots of fresh veggies.

You get the picture.

BUT by myself I just can't do it.  I hate cooking so I go for simple when it's just me.  And guess what's simple?

Carbs are simple.

Chicken with broccoli, pasta and parmesan.  

Chicken with cous cous.  

Cereal.  

Pizza.  

Indian.  

All carb heavy and all are wreaking havoc on my digestive system.

 So, what's a girl to do?  A pregnant tired girl, no less.  No, better, a pregnant tired girl who HATES COOKING!

There's no brilliant solution is there?  I just have to suck it up and keep cooking...or eat crap.  It's Thursday and we got back from Oregon on Tuesday, guess how many times I've already been to the grocery store?

If you guessed 3 you'd be right.

Sigh.  Seriously, right back where I started.  Old habits die hard.

But at least I haven't eaten crap this week...

Bumpdate - 24 Weeks

We did it.

We made it to viability.

Baby now has a chance to survive outside the womb.

BABY CAN SURVIVE OUT OF THE WOMB!

Sure baby would need an assload of medical intervention and it would be months before we took the kid home, but premature labor is no longer a death sentence and that MAKES ME HAPPY!

Maybe I will quit worrying about premature labor now.

Ok, probably not.

So, on to the bumpdate.

How far along: 24 Weeks

Weight Gain:  As of this morning it looks as though I did not gain any weight this week, so still up 15 lbs.

Movement: Baby is pretty consistently hanging out down in my pelvic girdle, giving me little baby kicks throughout the day and then moves up at night to hang out under my belly button, giving Dom a chance to feel the baby kicks and me a chance to SEE them.  It's amusing to watch the belly move around.

Best Moment of the Week: We sat and watched a full hour long show with me laying down and Dom's hand on my belly and baby kept kicking away through the whole show.  Since it's usually just me and the baby, It was a cute little moment with all 3 of us hangin out.

Gender: I think girl this week especially after going to prenatal yoga and seeing all the different bumps (oh yes I FINALLY went to prenatal yoga, TWICE!) , there are some very distinctly basketball boy bumps and others with a bit more smashed bumps like myself that I'm convinced are girl bumps, I should start polling people to see if I can accurately guess the gender of their babies via their bumps.  I also now have random strangers telling me since my bump is so little for 6 months along that I MUST be having a girl.  Yep, the unsolicited advice/information that is bestowed upon all pregnant women everywhere has begun.

What's Up With My Body:  After having a million things going on with the bod last week, this week there is very little.

Heartburn stayed away all week until I had an orange yesterday, but went away again a few hours after said orange.

Constipation...once a week.

Again I woke up from a nap with a milk stain on my shirt.  Why does this only happen after napping and never in the AM after sleeping at night?  Can anyone explain this to me?  It seems rather ambiguous to sometimes have one boob leak while sleeping specifically during the day.  Still one of the weirdest things about pregnancy for me.

And for the amusement of all, after several close calls, it finally happened, the bump toppled me over.  I was in Target, one hand had a phone, another had a pack of onesies and as I squatted down to take a look at something on the lowest shelf, I made it halfway down and realized I had way miscalculated my center of gravity and couldn't keep myself up, and with no free hands to stop myself, down I went.  I fell right on my ass in the middle of the baby section at Target...in a dress no less.  Ugh, so embarrassing.  At least I'm not peeing myself yet.  I'm sure that's what I  have to look forward to next as we approach the 3rd trimester.

Bumpdate:  Husband gone again.  He's gone again next week too, busy traveling time for him as he finishes off a lot of work and starts amping down the travel to get ready for HIS WIFE GOING INTO LABOR.  I'm not gonna lie, as the pregnancy progresses, the travel has started to make me more and more nervous as I imagine myself going into labor and him being far away.  NOT FUN.  But just a few more weeks and he should be home until the birth.  CAN'T WAIT!  But until then, you're gonna keep getting iPhone self-portraits!

Yet another Old Navy NON-Maternity dress.  As long as they're flowy on the bottom and have an empire waist their regular dresses still fit fine!

Simplicity

I will never know if my less than simple journey to motherhood has tainted my desire to get ready for this baby or if this is just me and what would have happened even if I had fallen pregnant our first month of trying.

But I can't foresee myself buying much more than I already have for baby.

I bought a crib...I know I need a stroller/car seat just in case we have to have this baby in the hospital...I bought some onesies...and I want a moby wrap or some sort of baby carrier.  But other than those few items I think I'm done.

I don't want to register because I have no idea what I will need until after baby is here, so why do I need it now?

I'm not necessary someone who enjoys simplicity, in fact normally I like "stuff", I like to have things just because they are pretty and not necessarily because they are functional.  In fact I love unnecessary shit.

I decorate with completely useless knick knacks.

I buy dressy clothes even if I have no occasion to wear them.

I love pretty crap.

But when it comes to baby, I think I might be all about simplicity.

To me, it seems that 100 years ago, maybe even 50 years ago you didn't NEED anything to have a baby.  You just had the baby and baby used the same things as you.

Why do babies now need so much crap?

I plan on breastfeeding exclusively, so I'm not buying bottles.

I plan on co-sleeping so I don't need an extra baby sleeper to put near our bed.

I plan on carrying baby with me the majority of places I go, so I'll get myself moby wrap/sling.

I plan on cloth diapering, but everyone says it's a bit of a trial and error, so I don't see why I can't use disposables for the first week or two while we adjust to having a baby and then dive into cloth diapers.

I know the kid needs some clothes, but...does it really?  What if we all just hang out naked for the first week while we figure things out?  Who's that going to hurt?  And THEN we will know if baby is a boy or girl and I can go all out making the kid fancy.  But why does that need to happen pre-baby?

Toys?  Newborns can't hardly see their hands, let alone use them, this can wait.

Pacifier?  Yes, I might want one, but apparently the first 10-14 days it's super important to not let baby latch onto anything besides your boob so that you can get your milk supply going.  Pacifiers can wait.

Pump?  I don't plan on pumping...at all.  And again with the 10-14 days, you're also not supposed to pump and only use baby to get your supply going.

Burp clothes and receiving blankets?  Yes, I'll probably pick up a few of these just so I have some, but again, I'd rather wait until after baby is born so I can buy colors other than green and gray.

I'm sure I'm missing something, but I don't know what.

Am I making this too simple?  Not planning enough?

I'm aware that I've never had a baby and HAVE NO IDEA what to expect, but women have been doing this for thousands of years with NOTHING but our boobs...I'm embracing the primal instincts that ARE pregnancy and motherhood and it's not about the stuff.

But in case I'm missing some biggies, new mommies, what was ABSOLUTELY necessary in the first week or two of babies life?  

Let's Talk About Poop

Guys, if 3 months ago you would have told me that I would one day have a very strong desire to write a post about poop, I would have laughed at you.

And then if you would have told me that I was actually going to publish a post about poop I would have laughed even harder.

Because I don't talk about poop.

Ok, correction, I DIDN'T talk about poop.

I now find that I could talk about poop with almost anyone at any time because constipation has become a chronic issue that consumes way more of my thoughts than I ever thought possible...and I feel the need to share.

You see, when pooping is easy it never crosses your mind to want to talk about it.  It's an insignificant part of your day.  A rather boring, disgusting but necessary part of your day.  You wait for the urge, go to the bathroom, IT TAKES EXACTLY AS LONG AS IT TAKES TO PEE, and you're done for the day.  You don't talk about it because there's nothing to talk about and poop never enters your mind again until it's time to poop again the next day.

And then you get pregnant and you hear all sorts of stories about pregnancy and constipation.

But you still think oh that won't happen to me, I've NEVER had poop issues.  That only happens to women who already have poop issues, you know all the women who TALK ABOUT POOP.

And then.  AND THEN.  It happens to you.

And now many a day my thoughts are consumed with pooping and what I can eat that will help me poop.

"What can I eat today that has fiber in it?"

"Did I poop yesterday?  Or was it the day before?"

"Maybe I should start eating prunes."

"Roughage?"

And because I'm always thinking about it, somehow I end up talking about it.

I never wanted to be one of those couples who talked about their bowel movements.  My husband LOVED to tell me about his pooping and I HATED it when he talked about pooping.

But now, well now I've joined in the conversation.

And I'm so miserable with being constipated that I can't even be bothered to be embarrassed that we are now one of THOSE couples that talks about poop on a regular basis.

Guys, pooping is important.  And we need to talk about it.

You see there isn't just one kind of constipation, oh no, I've discovered there are many many DIFFERENT KINDS of constipation.

Let's discuss.

First there is what most of us think of when we think of constipation, the inability to poop for several days.  The only time I've ever experienced any kind of constipation is when traveling.  And all that happens is that for 3 or 4 days I don't go, nor do I have the urge to go and then one day I go with no trouble, no pain and that's it, constipation over.

That was constipation for me pre-pregnancy, now I know that this is the EASIEST kind of constipation.

The next kind of constipation is the kind of constipation that involves the inability to poop fruitfully.  So while you're going everyday you're not producing much and your poop is coming out in hard pebbles.  This one is more obnoxious than painful because SOMETHING is happening it's just not as significant as it should be.  

This is also easy constipation.  Drinking a ton of water helps with this.

The next kind is the kind that is back to the inability to poop but accompanied by a STRONG DESIRE TO POOP.  Your body is "trying" but for one reason or another it just isn't happening.  This kind of constipation hurts.  There is a lot of cramping and pressure and tons of signals for you to GET TO A TOILET NOW, but no amount of sitting on the toilet does anything to help the situation along and you end up crying and sweating on the toilet.

This is my new fear whenever I have the urge to poop.  WILL IT HAPPEN????  Because unlike before, it's not a given that the urge to poop will actually produce a bowel movement.

Sad but true.

The last kind is exactly the same as the situation above but preceded by DAYS of NOT pooping, so not only do you KNOW you need to go and your body is telling you to go but you know you REALLY need to go and that it's not gonna be pretty when it finally happens. 

This is the situation in which "cuts like glass" is an expression I've heard often for when the poop finally happens.  This one also involves crying and sweating on the toilet and if your kid tells you it hurts to poop and is scared of the toilet, I DON'T BLAME THEM ONE BIT.

That one makes me scared of the toilet too.

Luckily this one is a rarity for me and more often than not I am dealing with constipation issue #3 above and not #4 here.

But just because it hurts less is that actually better to be crying and sweating on the toilet often rather than have a break of 3 or 4 days?  Now I wonder.

And there you have it.  Constipation...all over my blog.

Anyone have a constipation issue that I forgot to talk about?

As I am about to hit PUBLISH I'm having a moment of OMG how embarrassing that I'm about to publish a post about poop.  But you know what?  Homegirl over here is just keeping it real.  Whilst pregnancy is amazing, the unglamorous side of it is way more fun to talk about and I'm so miserable BEING CONSTIPATED that I can't be bothered to be embarrassed.

And you know how much misery loves company.

This is a whole new side of me that I never even knew existed.

So let's discuss poop everyone.

And PS I've tried just about everything there is to try as a constipation remedy and as I've said a few times, every week I have about 6 days in a row of complete and utter regularity but regardless of my constipation remedies once a week issue #3 above will hit me for a day, sometimes two...and then it's back to regular again.  So I'm not looking for anymore constipation help at this point, I've tried it all, everything works for the most part, I just want to hear stories about how you are all just as constipated as I am =)

Bumpdate - 23 Weeks

Oh boy, here we are, 23 weeks, just 1 more week until viability.

Sorry I've been a bit absent on the blogging front, I honestly just don't have much to blog about these days.  Pregnancy is progressing smoothly, life is decidedly boring (in a good way) and I've got nothing I want to talk about or bitch about lately!

As birth draws near I imagine I'll want to start talking about THAT, but for now...I've got nothing.

But bumpdate, let's get to it!

How far along: 23 weeks

Weight Gain: Up another pound, that's 15 lbs. total.

Movement:  I had the pleasure of officially getting kicked in the bladder this past week.  Luckily I was in Lowe's the first time and close enough to a bathroom, but OMG, I thought I was going to pee my pants.  Then it happened another time while walking and nowhere near a bathroom and just so you all know, the sensation goes away if you can breathe through the initial sensation of PEE NOW and you won't necessarily pee your pants (although some of you will, LOL!).

What's Up with My Body:  I have a lot to say about my body this week, we'll use bullet points

• Heartburn, my disappearing, reappearing symptom was around every afternoon for the first half of the week and then just as suddenly as it appeared, it has disappeared again.

• Constipation, still just once a week, but once a week is enough to make me want to cry once a week.

• Peeing/sleep.  I did a little experiment with water and my nighttime routine.  You see a bunch of you write that you're up ONCE a night to pee and I'm up 3 times a night to pee...minimum.  And I was jealous.  My problem is that I get EXTREMELY thirsty just before bedtime.  Doesn't matter how much I drank during the day and how much I try to hydrate so that I'm not thirsty close to bedtime, I'm still thirsty at bedtime, hence all the nighttime peeing.  But I hate all the nighttime peeing.  So, to experiment I quit drinking at 8pm and VOILA! I was only up once a night to pee that night.  BUT, I woke up with aching joints, you know DEHYDRATED aching joints, my hip and my knee and my elbow were KILLING me and forced me out of bed at 6am, at which point I chucked 3 glasses of water and started to feel better.  Experiment tells me, don't quit drinking water just because you don't want to get up in the middle of the night to pee, you'll regret it in the morning.  And besides, I'm figuring it's better preparing me for being up all the time with a newborn, no?

• Size.  My bump has made me crowd wary.  I no longer trust myself to be able to squeeze through throngs of people in a crowd or on a train.  Not only is my girth different but I'm losing my balance, so dodging and weaving through tiny spaces is no longer something I trust that I am able to do.  I also don't like people bumping into my belly, so when I'm in a crowded space I now step back away from the people and wrap my arms protectively around my belly.  WHY DO I DO THIS?  I have no idea.  It's instinctual honestly, I don't realize I'm doing it until I find myself on the sidelines with my arms wrapped protectively around myself.

• Speaking of balance, there was a funny incident involving me almost falling off during sex.  I'll leave it at that.

• Braxton Hicks have arrived.  Even though my midwife told me to not worry if I started to feel these...I still managed to convince myself I was in preterm labor again the other day, for no reason mind you other than two Braxton Hicks contractions in the same day HOURS apart...at least in another week I can be assured that baby has a chance to survive even if my worst nightmares come true and i DO go into preterm labor.  What is my irrational fear with preterm labor?  I'm low risk, have had an easy pregnancy and just generally have absolutely no reason to suspect preterm labor.  CRAZY CRAZY PREGNANT LADY!

• And to round of what's up with my body.  I woke from a nap 2 days ago with a full on milk stain on my shirt.  Not just a little spot, a full on stain the size of my nipple.  One of the oddest moments for me to date.  OMG THEY WORK.

Gender: Oh my goodness.  I had no idea not finding out the gender would be this confusing.  I thought for sure I would "know" and that would be that.  The boy dream and the fact that I always reference the baby as a 'he' speaks highly of my subconscious knowing it's a boy BUT we keep focusing on girl names...without meaning to and without really thinking about it, we just keep throwing around girl names, I don't remember the last time we talked boy names.

Emotions:  I had my first real moment of I Want To Meet You Now Baby!  I realize I have 17 more weeks to go and generally I'm enjoying pregnancy, so it wasn't a desire to just be done with pregnancy already, but I've officially been pregnant for 9 months now...and I am ready to meet baby!

Best Moment of the Week:  Best and worst kind of combined.  We decided WAY back at the beginning of this pregnancy that at 24 weeks, viability week, Dom would discuss paternity leave with work and we would sell our Olympics tickets.  REMEMBER WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE OLYMPICS!  Well, 24 weeks is just a week away and the Olympics are just 100 days away.  TIME TO GET MOVING.  Best moment because it's like OMG we're there, we made it!  And worst moment because it's like SHIT, more stuff to do...as though there isn't already too much to do to plan for a new baby.

Bumpdate:  Husband gone again! You have to settle for craptastic iPhone self portraits.  PS. This is a non-maternity dress from Old Navy that fits SO MUCH BETTER than their crap maternity dresses.

The Story Behind the Name

I have a super common name.

My name was #1 for the decade of the 80's and it spent many years as either the #1 or #2 spot between 1980 and 1990.

I hate this.

From the age group of roughly 25-35 there are a whole hell of a lot of Jessica's.

Of course my parents didn't know this would happen at the time.

There are not a lot of Jessica's very much older than me.

It was not a popular name before the late 1970s and I was born in 1981.

Luckily they had the wherewithal to make it unique in it's spelling if not in it's pronunciation.

Ok, that's not why there is only one 's' at all.

It had nothing to do with me and letting me have a common name with a unique spelling.

There's a story behind my name.

And I've always liked it.

My name does in fact have only one 's', Jesica is not a lame attempt to be anonymous, that's my real name and the real spelling.

The story goes like this.

I am the middle child of 3 girls.

All of our first names start with the letter J.

And have 6 letters.

See, if I was the first child maybe we would of all had 7 letters in our names ;-)

But no, 2nd child means somehow they had to make Jessica have 6 letters, so I lost an S.

But it gets better.

Our middle names all start with L.

And have 4 letters.

And when you put the initials together, JLB it stands for my parents names.

J is the first letter of my dad's first name.

L is the first letter of my mom's first name.

And B, well we all have the same last name, duh.

Had any of us been boys the letters would have stayed the same, but the numbers were going to be flip flopped, so the first boy name they had picked out and never got to use was JOEL.

Cute, no?

Common name I may have, but I have a story behind the unusual spelling of the very common name.  So when people ask me "why is there only one 's'?"  Which happens often because they always think it's just spelled wrong, I have a cute story to tell them.

And people are always impressed that there's actually a story.

I've thought long and hard about doing this with my own children.  But since we all have J names I didn't want to add any more to the mix, there's a LOT of J names in my family and D for my husband's name, well....I'm not a fan of very many D names.

In fact I can't think of a single D name, boy or girl that I would consider.

So, what's a girl to do?

I'd like my kid to have a story behind their name.  But you can't just INVENT a story.  Stories have to happen organically.

As you can see, we're still stumped when it comes to the name of our future little terror.  I say terror because I'm pretty sure god has a sense of humor and this kid is going to be a Leo...just to fuck with me.

And out of nowhere, I just now remember a dream I had last night.

I had a boy baby.  And we named him my maiden name as his first name.

That would totally solve all of our problems wouldn't it.

Hmmmm......did my story just happen?

Bumpdate - 22 Weeks

I just have to say that the 2nd trimester is going along WAY quicker than the 1st.  It's possible that this is because I did the first trimester twice...back to back...but NEVERTHELESS, 2nd trimester is quickly going by me!

This week has been an extremely uneventful week in pregnancy land.

I almost feel like I have nothing to write...but here goes, let's see what comes out.

How far along:  22 weeks

Weight Gain: The scale says I've gained 3 lbs this week...which means I'm up 14 lbs.  Funny thing about midwife care vs. OB care is that they don't really care about your weight through your pregnancy as long as toward the end you haven't gained too much.  So, they asked for my weight at my first appt and then so far they've never asked again...I just like weighing myself from day to day =)  I imagine when we come to the latter part of the pregnancy they will once again ask me just to make sure I haven't gained like 50 lbs. but generally weight is not a huge concern for them from week to week.  I wholeheartedly agree with this and the fact that I gained 3 lbs this week?  I'm pretty sure this week is a growth spurt for baby as I will discuss below!

Maternity Clothes:  Bain of my existence!  To finish my rant, not only are maternity dresses giant huge tents that swallow me whole, they are also too long!  I am not short, I'm 5'5", you know...average, but these dresses, ALL of these dresses (we're talking at least 10 that I ordered) hit me either right at the knee or just below the knee, this is an UGLY length (at least on me).  Dresses should be either ankle length or hit about an inch above the knee.  Why oh why just because I'm pregnant do we think that I need LONGER dresses?  These are not mini skirts, above the knee is still a perfectly acceptable length even while pregnant OLD NAVY!  Ok, rant over.

In good maternity clothes news there is an adorable boutique maternity store near me that I finally walked in and tried some shit on.  MUCH BETTER.  But horribly expensive.  So I walked away with exactly 1 dress that cost half as much as the 20 items I just sent back to Old Navy combined.....but damn it's cute.

Movement: Baby is all over the place these days.  Sometimes I feel little baby kicks WAY down in my crotch, and sometimes I feel them WAY up behind my belly button.  It feels like he has a whole hell of a lot of room in there and really enjoying all the space!

I must admit that even though the movement helps a LOT with easing my worries about the baby spontaneously dying, sometimes I still freak out.  There are times when I'm like OMG when did I last feel baby movements?!  Or, OMG I haven't felt STRONG baby movements in awhile!  Luckily if I eat something and lay down (and sometimes if I poke him ;-) baby will start dancing and I can quit worrying...for that day, or a few days.

What I miss: Honestly I miss enjoying a glass of wine like I used to.  I'm not against ordering a glass of wine and sipping on it at dinner, but I just don't ENJOY wine the same way I used to pre-pregnancy.  But other than that I don't miss much.  Guys, I'm a huge fan of being pregnant.  If I can I will totally do this again.

What's up with my body: I think I'm about to have a huge growth spurt as the last two days I've been REALLY tired and REALLY hungry.  I've been going to bed at 9pm!  And still tired all day long, desperate for it to be bedtime again.  I also had one of those FEED ME NOW moments after my Italian class yesterday.  I had already had 2 breakfasts, lunch and a snack and it was 3:30pm but I NEEDED to eat.  Since I was coming from downtown on the train and suddenly I HAD TO EAT NOW I hopped off the train at Safeway and stuffed my face with a Safeway burrito!  Totally disgusting and unhealthy but I was desperate...and it was delicious.

And heartburn, heartburn is back this week.  I was up twice last night to chew on some Tums.  I HATE this symptom of pregnancy almost as much as I hate the constipation.  WHICH IS UNDER CONTROL THIS WEEK BTW!

What's up with Baby:  Oh, this picture really freaked me out today.  I can feel the baby if I push on my uterus, baby is hard, uterus is squishy, but the parts of the baby that I can feel make it feel SMALL, so when I saw this:

source

I was like DAMN, that's a big baby!  And yet it's barely a pound....I'm so used to the baby being so much smaller than what I imagine it to be that this new baby being bigger than my imagination is totally fucking with me.  

Birth, the thought of birth is looming now.  Big baby through small opening....

Gender: Stuck on girl for now!

Bumpdate:  I've got a full on maternity outfit for you today, maternity jeans AND maternity tank top =)  Husband is gone so this is what you get!

And would you look at that?  Turns out I had WAY more to write than I thought.

Some Updates

I decided I owe you guys a few updates.

I wrote about a few things that I feel you need to know how they turned out.

Is this pretending you care more than you do?

Probably.

Nevertheless, updates you shall have.

1. Italiano - As suspected my class is full of old men.  Why did I think that an Italian class would be full of old men and why is my Italian class full of old men?  Both good questions.  I have no idea.  So, there's 4 old men (with Italian last names, maybe they decided they can't die without seeing the land of their ancestors?) 1 older lady and 1 older guy.

Old means over 50 and older means over 40 =)

So, no bueno on making friends UNTIL this past Tuesday, my 3rd class we had a brand new student....AND she's young, married and pretty!  Now I just have to figure out if she's cool...we have 5 more weeks to become friends.

On the Italian leaning front you'll all be happy to hear I'm like totally the best in my class.  Guess that's what $500 spent on Rosetta Stone gets you, Italian I is review.  Awesome.

2. Fried Chicken - My fried chicken turned out pretty damn good I must say.  It needed WAY more seasoning than I used and I think buttermilk is probably a better egg wash than egg and water but the craving is gone and it was tasty.  I would say first fried chicken attempt = success!

3. My assload of maternity clothes that I finally splurged on at Old Navy.  Well, they arrived.  I tried them on.  And they went immediately back in their package and sent back to Old Navy.

I'm officially running out of clothes to wear now.  I seem to be in clothing limbo land.

I have two problems.  One is that my bump is too big for the majority of my regular clothes.  Two is that my bump is too SMALL for the majority of maternity clothes.

Seriously Old Navy, I bought everything in XS, the top part of the dresses fit fine even over the giant boobs and then just under the boobs the dresses would just TENT!!!!!  SO MUCH EXTRA FABRIC that I look like I've been swallowed by a mumu.  Why, WHY?  I JUST NEED A LITTLE EXTRA ROOM IN THE BELLY.  I do not need yards upon yards of fabric.

I think they should make different stages of maternity clothes, like 1, 2 and 3 because while it's possible that I may fit into some of these clothes that I just sent back sometime toward the end of my pregnancy, the fact is that I need clothes to fit me NOW, not just at the end.

So, here I am in maternity limbo.  With nothing to wear.

And that's it for me today.

I hope everyone had a fantastic Easter weekend and had an extra day off work.

My family came down for a quick visit and my weekend of being a tourist has left me EXHAUSTED today.

I'll be on the couch if you need me.

Prenatal Yoga

I'm lazy when it comes to exercise.

I don't like exercise.

And I've always been skinny so exercise has never been a "necessity" for me.  One can argue exercise is a necessity for everyone, but I don't lead a very sedentary life...I walk everywhere, so technically I AM exercising regularly.  I just don't enjoy shall we say...regimented exercise?  I hate putting gym clothes on and GOING somewhere to do exercise.

But I do enjoy yoga.

SF has some phenomenal prenatal yoga classes...or so I've heard.

It's a hippie city and I think it's a proven fact that hippies love yoga.

Why is that btw?  Why do hippies love yoga?  Because of the spiritual nature of it?

Also, yoga is supposed to be EXCELLENT for you during pregnancy and can help a lot with childbirth...especially DRUG FREE childbirth, which is what we're aiming for over here.

I've been meaning to sign up for prenatal yoga since I hit 12 weeks with the FIRST PREGNANCY.

Yes, since September I've had EVER INTENTION of doing prenatal yoga.

But here I am 21 weeks into a 2nd pregnancy and I STILL haven't signed up for a single prenatal yoga class.

Boo on me.

I'm fairly certain this would be an ideal place to find my young hot pregnant married friends I am so desperate for because you know...who else would be at prenatal yoga?

And yet I hesitate.

So, a cry for help, MOTIVATE ME LADIES!

Have any of you tried prenatal yoga?  Was it the most amazing experience of your life?  Did you meet your friend soulmate there and you went on to have millions of babies all the same age together?

And if it you gave it a whirl and it was the worst experience of your life, DON'T TELL ME, I do not need another reason to NOT go...I'm doing really good at that all by myself.

Bumpdate - 21 Weeks

I had a midwife appt on Monday and all is well, feels like forever since I've had an appt and when I looked at a calendar I realized I went 5 weeks between appts!

Holey moley.

AND at this appt we started talking about BIRTH!  Like, OMG BIRTH!  Apparently it's about time to sign up for childbirth classes!

Eek!

So, here we go.

How far along: 21 weeks

Weight Gain: 1 more pound this week, 11 lbs total.

Maternity Clothes: I had an amusing moment today when I dug my FAT jeans out of the closet to start painting the nursery.  THE FAT JEANS almost don't fit!  Luckily it's totally because of the bulging belly and little else, but still FUNNY SHIT to think that the fat jeans don't fit right now.  And I officially can't wear A LOT of my regular clothes now.  Unless my dresses are empire waist or baby doll dresses, it's a NO GO.  And I may or may not have just bought a shit ton of Old Navy maternity online yesterday that is due to arrive this week.

Movement: Outside baby kicks!  Dom finally felt the baby kick for the first time this week, it's funny to feel it from both the inside and the outside at the same time.  I am liking baby kicks WAY more these days as they get stronger, much better than those weird fluttery feelings from the first week or two!  AND I have started to feel them even when I'm not sitting down.  I can now feel them when I'm up and about!

What's up with my body:  Still fighting the good fight against constipation.  I can get it under control for a week and then BAM out of nowhere I'm knocked on my ass and spend three days horribly uncomfortable.  Then all back to normal again for another week.  It has occurred to me that perhaps my terrible weekend eating is affecting my digestion more than I realize as the weekends are the only time we eat food that is not cooked by one one us and the constipation has a tendency to hit at the beginning of the week, you know, just after the weekend.  Hmmm...I could either fix this and quit eating crap once a week or... accept that once a week constipation is as good as it's gonna get.

My low, low, low abdomen, down in my pelvic girdle has been terrible crampy and sore.  It hurts when my bladder is full, when my intestines are full or when I move my legs up toward my chest like to put on shoes. Midwife says it's just muscles stretching and to get used to it!

No heartburn this week.  This is definitely a come and go symptom that I'm so glad is gone more than not.

The bump has grown enough that it is making certain things uncomfortable, getting up out of bed at night is becoming cumbersome, especially if I'm facing toward the middle of the bed.  There's a lot of grunting.

Peeing is becoming more difficult as I can't quite seem to empty my bladder completely anymore because my uterus is pushing it into a funny position.  So even if I have just peed I have to pee 5 minutes later.  And without fail if I leave the house, the moment I get out of my car or just far enough by foot that it's not worth it to turn around I HAVE TO PEE RIGHT NOW!!!  Even if I just peed before I left the house, somedays I feel like it's just not worth it to leave!

and...

I ALMOST FELL OVER.

I was in Home Depot buying paint (for the nursery, eek!) and I dropped a receipt out of my purse.  I bent over FORWARD to pick it up and nearly went toppling head over heels.  Bend at the knees Jesica, bend at the knees...it's more ladylike anyway.

I have also hit the bump with a door when I was standing too close to the door when I opened it, not allowing for my own girth.  And Dom ran into my bump as he tried to squeeze past me and didn't allow for the girth.  Oh what fun it is to be way wider than you're used to!

AND

My boob leaked.

WHAT?!  Did you know this happens this early?

I was in the shower, looked down and one boob has milk just streaming out of it.  I wiped it away just to have it come right back.  Wiped it away a second time and it was all over.

SO WEIRD.

But wouldn't you know it my weekly pregnancy update did in fact mention boob leakage at 21 weeks, so it seems this DOES happen this early.

Midwife says it means good things for milk supply.  Excellent.

What I'm Looking Forward To:  Viability is just 3 weeks away now!

Best Moment of the Week: Outside Baby Kicks.

Worst Moment of the Week: It dawned on me today as I look at how big my belly looks in pictures that this little one is not even a pound yet and most babies are between 7 and 8 lbs. That means my baby has to get 7X bigger!!!!!!!!  Frightening to think just how big the belly is really gonna get!

Gender: After seeing me my sister has firmly stated that it's a girl.  I do not look like I'm carrying a basketball under my shirt, my bump is much more spread out.  Also her heart rate theory has been proved RIGHT again as a friend of mine found out the sex of her baby with a heart rate of 160 and sure enough, it's a boy.  Mine is once again in the 130s.

Bumpdate:

The Birthdays

Everyone take this post in the lighthearted, jovial manner in which it is intended because I'm sure you're all aware I will take this kid GLADLY whatever day it arrived on and that this is not an ACTUAL concern of mine, just mildly entertaining for me.


Also, take all the astrology talk with a grain of salt.  Lighthearted and fun people, lighthearted and fun.

Without further ado I present to you.....

The Great Astrological Conundrum of 2012

At least in this household.

This baby is due 2 days after my own birthday.

My birthday is August 13th.

If you don't know your astrology, that makes me a Leo.

Leo means I LOVE my birthday, in fact I love any celebration centered around ME.

The month of August has always been MY birthday month as I do not share August with any member of my family.

Unsurprisingly August is my favorite month.

August was mine.

I love August.

I'm ALSO a middle child.

Leo, middle child, I got a double dose of attention whore in me.

But the middle child part notwithstanding, if baby comes anywhere near his/her due date, baby will be an attention whore too.

AND NEITHER OF US WILL WANT TO SHARE BIRTHDAY TIME.

I realize as the mother that I should give up my own selfish needs and wants and concentrate on celebrating my kid.  Give the kid the birthday month of August and GIVE IT UP WOMAN.

But the Leo in me is screaming in protest.

The only true solution to this is the kid needs to be born a week, week and a half LATE, so that it will be a VIRGO and not a Leo.

Virgo's are not nearly so obsessed with their birthdays.  They won't mind sharing August because they won't be a Leo.   And me, well I will share August if I don't have to share being a Leo.

A 2 Leo household?  I shudder at the thought.

There is a reason I don't have any Leo friends.  Leos work best in any situation when they are the only one.  Otherwise the competition for attention can just get out of hand.

It's not pretty.

Especially when you add my husband the Cancer.

Cancers and Leos work surprisingly well together, even though they are both headstrong, stubborn and a bit attention seeking.  It's an odd mix in the astrological world that no one understands, but it seems the Cancer can somehow reign in the Leo.  I wouldn't actually believe this (who can reign in a free spirited Leo?) but it happened...so 1 point for astrology books everywhere.

But throwing in ANOTHER Leo spells disaster.

Three stubborn, headstrong attention whores all living together under one roof?  The horror of watching your own worst qualities come out in your child and realizing what an ass you probably were to your parents.

The teenage years sound like hell.

Good news is baby was measuring 3 days behind at the anatomy scan, Aug 18 puts us VERY close to Virgo territory guys, very close.

Anyone want to take bets that this kid will not only be a Leo, but will arrive on my birthday?

Anyone else given any thought to their baby's due date and it's astrological significance?

A New Member of the Worst Club Ever

Alexis over at Our Journey Through This Lovely Life lost her baby over the weekend.

Spotting at 12w1d, a trip to the ER, no heartbeat and a baby that quit growing at 8w6d.

Sound familiar?

Yeah, it's my story all over again.

Alexis, you're not alone.

Everyone please go visit her and give her some love as she just became a member of the 

Pregnancy Loss Club that none of signed up for and too many of us belong to.