Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Wow...This is Hard

A good IRL friend of mine was pregnant at the same time as me.

She was due exactly 1 week before me.

It was quite fun those first few weeks when most of the world didn't know we were pregnant and we could chat about symptoms, fitting into pants, napping etc.

Then I lost my baby.

And now I'm not pregnant.

But she still is.

I emailed her right after the miscarriage but haven't spoken to her since.

And now, today, her husband posted on Facebook, evil evil Facebook, that he got to feel the baby kick.

I feel like I've been punched in the stomach.

Everyone else who I knew that was pregnant with me was much farther along and already feeling the baby kick when I was only 11 weeks pregnant or so.

But she, she was at the same place as me.

And now she's feeling her baby kick, and her husband is feeling their baby kick.

And me, I have no baby to feel kick.

No baby for my husband to feel kick.

Wow...I was doing so well but this just got harder.


  1. Sending you some hugs....I have nothing to say that will make you feel better, except that I know exaclty how you are feeling. It sucks. Maybe you could block their posts for awhile? Hang in has to get easier, I hope.

  2. I'm sorry Jesica, that's hard. Those feelings happen to all of us who go through this, and it's one of the worst parts about being infertile. I think it's wise to stay away from Facebook for a while until you're in a better place. Feel better soon...

  3. I could write this same post. One of my good friends is due 1 day before I was with our little bub. We were really happy that we were having a baby together and then I lost mine and she still is pregnant. The comments that I see on facebook or even her commenting on other mutural friends I find that my heart gets a little more ripped out. We also recently went down to where they live and I saw her big belly.. I looked at hers then looked at my flat stomach and thought.. wheres my bump?! Mine should look like that. :( Its definatly hard and facebook is evil sometimes.
    Remember you arent alone feeling like that. xx

  4. Im so sorry, I cant even imagine how difficult that must be. Sending positive thoughts your way!

  5. I know exactly how you feel. A girl at work is due the exact same time I would have been due.
    Everytime she comes over to our building all she does is complain about how awful it is and how its so uncomfortable and how she can't wait for it to be over. I can't even bare to look at her.
    I feel bad because i should be able to move past it. But it is such a constant reminder that it seems to get harder and harder.

    I know it happened for a reason, I'm still not sure of the reason and don't think I ever will be. But I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for us - ALL. I am hopeful! (If only AF would show her wonderful face!)

    Sending you LOTS of hugs!!!

  6. Why are some days so much harder than others? I am sorry dear and I completely understand. I "had" that friend too the first time I was pregnant. Her lil one is now 7 months old and it STILL hurts to see every facebook post. Unfortunately, I don't feel like it gets any easier..:( Thinking of you!

  7. It does get easier, but maybe not for a while. I've told you before that I don't totally know what you feel like, and I will never claim that I do, but I understand grieving for the child you were supposed to have. It took me months to be able to go to e grocery store and seeing all those healthy children without crying, and each time I see another Facebook post about someone who's had a safe and healthy delivery, it's like a punch in the stomach, another reminder that I didn't get that. Pictures of kids at the pumpkin patch, news of first steps, quotes about the funny things kids say, it all hurts a little... But each time, it hurts a little less. Hang in there, you will have your turn, and when you do you'll have another perspective and you'll be that much more sensitive toward others. Heck, we're thinking about another baby now too...maybe we can blog through our scary pregnancies together!