RE Appt

For everyone not familiar with an RE, it stands for Reproductive Endocrinologist and if you have an annovulatory disorder such as PCOS you go to an RE rather than a gynecologist to get pregnant. Some gynos dabble in the world of infertility and think they can help PCOSers by handing them Clomid, but truth be told if you've been diagnosed with an infertility disorder, find an RE, they are so much better at this shit than gynos.

Anyway, we had our first appt with our RE since the miscarriage. Normally I'm a big fan of my RE, he might pressure us with IUI's sometimes but he does awesome things like lower my Clomid dosage rather than keep it the same or up it when I know a lot of other Dr.'s would have continued letting me stay on 50 mg of Clomid to pop out more eggs and thus theoretically have more chances of a pregnancy BUT all of that increases your chances of MULTIPLES as well, which I think most people will agree with me...multiples are not the desired result. So, like I said, normally I'm a big fan.

But today, today I'm not a big fan.

Let me remind you of the time frame. Miscarriage 2 weeks ago from Saturday, death of my Grandmother, 1 week ago from Saturday. Both happened really recently and both happened really close together. So, is it any surprise that I still get a bit choked up when I have to recount the story of my miscarriage AGAIN doc? But instead of consoling me and saying it will be OK, he tells me I need therapy.

Really? You're gonna go there doc?

I do not have an issue with someone suggesting therapy. I have an issue with the fact that it's only been 2 weeks and he's suggesting therapy. I feel like I'm handling the situation OK even though I do have a tendency to cry in any and all Dr.'s offices, but I'm dealing. I don't feel overly depressed...and it's only been 2 weeks!

If in 2 months I am still getting choked up at the thought of describing the miscarriage then yes, maybe it's time to seek help, but 2 weeks? really?

Anyway, in a nutshell I'm waiting for my period, which I already knew, but since I don't ovulate and thus don't always get a period the cut off point is going to be 2 months. So if in 2 months time Aunt Flo has still not arrived then we will stimulate her arrival.

But here's the kicker (and again why I like my RE even if I am anxious to start over), no Clomid for that cycle. I have to wait another cycle and THEN we can start over. So, it looks like beginning of 2012 before there's any babymaking action over here in our neck of the woods. We will continue trying on our own, everyone who is telling me to go on BCP to regulate my hormones can kiss my ass, and we will hope for a natural ovulation/pregnancy in the meantime.

I am both happy and upset by this news.

Happy because I have an RE who is not too aggressive and pressuring anything on us. He suggested BCP's for me, but when I said no he did not push the issue and offered alternatives.

But I'm upset because I'm so fucking sick of waiting.

Everything is waiting.

Waiting for a period. Waiting for ovulation. Waiting to pee on a stick. Waiting to take a blood test. Waiting to get through the first trimester. Waiting for a miscarriage to finish. Waiting for a period again.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Too much waiting.

So without further ado, just as soon as I accept that my blog is going to sometimes be about infertility, the infertility is put on hold...and we wait.