While I may be getting dressed every morning.
And brushing my hair.
And cooking meals.
These days I'm just...sad.
Very, very sad.
My grandmother passed on Saturday.
I passed the baby the Saturday before.
And the Saturday before that was beginning of the miscarriage.
I'm not enjoying my weekends as of late.
There's a part of me that knows I should just take it easy and let myself grieve for a little while.
But another part of me is so. sick. of crying.
I have cried at least once every day since September 17.
That's a lot of crying.
And I'm worn out.
I'm pondering whether or not to get a gym membership because maybe getting out of the house and getting my endorphins going might make me feel better.
But since I have no appetite lately I'm a little nervous to add exercise into the routine. I don't want to lose a bunch of weight again. I fit comfortably into all of my clothes and as much as it sucks to grow too fat for your clothes it sucks going the other direction too. Nothing makes you feel uglier than having a whole wardrobe of ill-fitting clothing, be it too small or too big.
I'm starting acupuncture again tomorrow to try to get my hormones back on track after the pregnancy. I don't know how much I believe in acupuncture per se, but it's an hour of complete relaxation in which I spend my time not thinking about how much life sucks because I'm busy trying to count down the minutes until the needles come out.
I know that doesn't sound relaxing, but there's no clock and no way to look at a watch, so if someone says I'll be back in 20 minutes, how else are you going to know when 20 minutes has gone by?
Without fail I fall asleep long before I get close to 20 minutes.
Relaxing I swear.
And I figure it can't hurt at this point. I don't think anything can hurt at this point.