Thursday, October 6, 2011

Getting Right Back in the Saddle

I read too many infertility blogs.

All the sad stories that are running rampant in blogland about infertility rarely brighten my spirits.

They make me sad.

Sad that women have recurrent miscarriages, sad that IVF doesn't always work, sad that sometimes you really don't get a baby in the end.

And I know my own story isn't THAT sad YET.

But is this just the beginning?

Is that damn TTC Timeline on the right side of this page just going to keep getting longer and longer?

Obviously I don't know the answer to these questions. And I try not to worry constantly about it. But I do, I worry about it.

As I read all these infertility blogs it seems that women have 2 reactions after a miscarriage:

1. Start trying again ASAP, get right back in the saddle.


2. Take a voluntary break from it all to prepare for the rest of the journey emotionally.

I apparently fall in to #1. I'm ready to start over. I NEED to start over.

They like to tell you at the Dr.'s office that you CAN get pregnant as soon as 2 weeks after a miscarriage but that they suggest you wait at least 1 full cycle to really start trying again.

This is just more bullshit.

At least for me. And I suspect for many many many others.

For one thing there is no "normal" cycle for me. I don't do normal. There's nothing normal about any of my cycles.

For two if your body has ovulated again then YOUR BODY IS READY to become pregnant again.


That's what ovulation is.

Your body ready for a pregnancy.

It doesn't willie nillie throw out eggs and hope to NOT become pregnant.

No, your body is trying to become pregnant with each and every egg it releases.

And if it's not ready, THEN IT WON'T OVULATE.

No I wouldn't suggest a stimulated cycle 2 weeks after a miscarriage, but if your body is like hey! let's ovulate then I believe you're good to go.

So, please Dr.'s don't tell me that we should be "careful" until a full calendar month has gone by, there is no way in hell I'm going to willingly prevent any possibility of a pregnancy...ever. Because if by some magic twist of fate we become pregnant on our own during this month before we're supposed to start "trying" again you can bet your ass my body is ready for it.


Again I call bullshit. And why do Dr's like to say stuff to freak you out?

So here we are. 2 weeks out from the miscarriage, my temps are back to pre-pregnancy temps, bleeding has stopped and we have an RE appt next week to chat about how long I have to wait for my period before we all give up on her and stimulate her with meds.

I've never had a stimulated period before.

I don't want to have a stimulated period.

So maybe, just maybe my period will be nice to me and show up at a respectable time say in the next 2-4 weeks so that we can get back in the saddle.

Or, too much to hope for, but maybe I could say OVULATE before I get a period.

But I've had a 105 day cycle I'm not holding out hope. And I'm really not very good at ovulating.

All things considered, I am still grief-stricken, but rather than do nothing I think doing something will help me along...even if something is starting all over.


  1. One thing I've learned from my 2 lost pregnancies is (I think) that your body will ovulate before you get your period. That you get your period because you didn't get pregnant post-ovulation. Check on that, but you might ovulate in the next few weeks before you get your period. Another great reason to be checking your temperature.

    I know that a lot of the blogs are scary. And a lot of women have been waiting and trying a VERY LONG TIME. That scares the shit out of me because I realize it could, too easily, be me in a few years. I hope to christ that my TTC timeline doesn't continue to get longer. The ONLY way I get through it is to just be hopeful.

    After my termination, my doc told me we could start trying right away (well, as soon as I got a normal period). She told me the same thing last December after the miscarriage. I agree with you that your body is trying to get pregnant (i.e. ovulating) because it's ready to get pregnant. Go for it. Get back in that saddle. I couldn't take time off, either. As soon as my body was ready, I needed to start trying again, too.

    (p.s. they put me on Clomid for this reason: doc is hoping that I will spit out more than 1 egg each Clomid cycle, thus upping my chances of getting pregnant any given month. That's why they put regular-ovulaters like myself on Clomid.)

  2. Jesica, I'm sorry if this is exactly the wrong thing to say. I hope it's not. But a 105-day cycle doesn't necessarily mean... anything? Except annoyance, I guess. I have routinely had 6-8 month cycles, and I got lucky. Since then I've heard a few similar stories from others. So, for what it's worth, it can happen.

  3. Don't let the infertility blogs freak you out. I know ALL about them, and how downright tragic some of them can be. It's hard when you need encouragement, but all you can seem to find are sad, stuck people.

    Having been reading IF blogs for awhile, I can tell you that I've read about some crazy things happening! Even on a 105 day cycle :) I'm with you though, I say hop right back on the saddle! If your body is ready, then it's ready, and if it isn't, then it isn't.

    Don't give up hope though!

  4. You DO ovulate before you get your first period, or atleast, I did, both times.

    This is the way it went for me- it took about 2-3 weeks for my HCG to fall to nothing- in all this time your body still thinks you are pregnant- when its falls to zero is when your body thinks is CD1. With some woman their body snaps right back into its normal routine as soon as the beta HCG falls completely, but with others, it can be confused which can make for a longer cycle.

    You can try taking a home pregnancy test to check if you still have any beta hcg in your system.

    I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

  5. I am a new follower! Wishing you luck on this journey!

    Feel free to pop by and say hello!

  6. I totally get the going back in the saddle again. It's my way of dealing with things, just try again and hope again. I'm sorry IF blogs have been bumming you out, if it makes you feel better I keep having to add more IF blogs because the people I've been following keep having babies. So there is so much hope out there, and lots of hope for you.
    Sorry it is such a horrible time. Wish I could do something other than pray and say I'm sorry.