I read too many infertility blogs.
All the sad stories that are running rampant in blogland about infertility rarely brighten my spirits.
They make me sad.
Sad that women have recurrent miscarriages, sad that IVF doesn't always work, sad that sometimes you really don't get a baby in the end.
And I know my own story isn't THAT sad YET.
But is this just the beginning?
Is that damn TTC Timeline on the right side of this page just going to keep getting longer and longer?
Obviously I don't know the answer to these questions. And I try not to worry constantly about it. But I do, I worry about it.
As I read all these infertility blogs it seems that women have 2 reactions after a miscarriage:
1. Start trying again ASAP, get right back in the saddle.
2. Take a voluntary break from it all to prepare for the rest of the journey emotionally.
I apparently fall in to #1. I'm ready to start over. I NEED to start over.
They like to tell you at the Dr.'s office that you CAN get pregnant as soon as 2 weeks after a miscarriage but that they suggest you wait at least 1 full cycle to really start trying again.
This is just more bullshit.
At least for me. And I suspect for many many many others.
For one thing there is no "normal" cycle for me. I don't do normal. There's nothing normal about any of my cycles.
For two if your body has ovulated again then YOUR BODY IS READY to become pregnant again.
That's what ovulation is.
Your body ready for a pregnancy.
It doesn't willie nillie throw out eggs and hope to NOT become pregnant.
No, your body is trying to become pregnant with each and every egg it releases.
And if it's not ready, THEN IT WON'T OVULATE.
No I wouldn't suggest a stimulated cycle 2 weeks after a miscarriage, but if your body is like hey! let's ovulate then I believe you're good to go.
So, please Dr.'s don't tell me that we should be "careful" until a full calendar month has gone by, there is no way in hell I'm going to willingly prevent any possibility of a pregnancy...ever. Because if by some magic twist of fate we become pregnant on our own during this month before we're supposed to start "trying" again you can bet your ass my body is ready for it.
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL ME THAT WILL INCREASE MY CHANCES OF ANOTHER MISCARRIAGE.
Again I call bullshit. And why do Dr's like to say stuff to freak you out?
So here we are. 2 weeks out from the miscarriage, my temps are back to pre-pregnancy temps, bleeding has stopped and we have an RE appt next week to chat about how long I have to wait for my period before we all give up on her and stimulate her with meds.
I've never had a stimulated period before.
I don't want to have a stimulated period.
So maybe, just maybe my period will be nice to me and show up at a respectable time say in the next 2-4 weeks so that we can get back in the saddle.
Or, too much to hope for, but maybe I could say OVULATE before I get a period.
But I've had a 105 day cycle before...so I'm not holding out hope. And I'm really not very good at ovulating.
All things considered, I am still grief-stricken, but rather than do nothing I think doing something will help me along...even if something is starting all over.