Tuesday, June 16, 2015

The Fear is Gone

I must confess...I was scared of having a newborn again.

Very very scared.

And for only one reason.  The sleeplessness.

The thought of being up at all hours of the night with a restless newborn or nursing every 2 hours made me want to cry.

Jett has been such a wonderful sleeper that I was no longer used to waking at night.  And honestly I didn't/don't want to do the newborn thing all over again.  It was awful.

But then I got pregnant and I was up 2 or 3 times to pee.  Ok...I can handle it, preparation for new baby, I get it.  It wasn't that bad.

BUT NOW I CANNOT SLEEP LONGER THAN 2 HOURS.  Sometimes not even 2 hours.

It's like when Jett was at the peak of the awfulness that got him sent to his own room to CIO.  I see every hour on the clock.  SLEEP DEPRIVATION IS A FORM OF TORTURE.

I have tried everything I'm allowed.  Benadryl, Unisom, Valerian Root.  None of it even touches this insomnia.  I go to bed around 10pm (can't fall asleep before that) and I'm up by 11:30.  Then 12:45.  Then 1:15.  Then 2:45.  And it continues all night.

There is nothing waking me that I can discern.  I wake up perfectly comfortable but thoroughly annoyed.  I always get up to pee because if I try to roll over and go back to sleep I will be woken up to pee shortly thereafter and I'm always trying to maximize how long I can stay asleep.  But it doesn't help.  NOTHING HELPS.

Last night I was woken up by CONTRACTIONS.  Braxton Hicks contractions, but contractions nonetheless.

I've started praying for 3 hour stretches of sleep guys...just 3. 

My husband (when he's here) has moved to the other bedroom most nights so as to again...maximize the amount of time I sleep because if he's snoring when I try to fall back asleep I can't fall back asleep.  If he's not there I at least fall asleep easily all 13 thousand times I wake up.  

I can now honestly say that I'm not scared of the sleeplessness of a newborn.  I actually think I will be sleeping MORE when baby gets here as I know they sleep for 3-4 hours in the beginning and a 4 hour stretch sounds like HEAVEN.

One night about 3 weeks ago I got a 5 hour stretch and I felt AMAZING!  I burst out of bed at 7am feeling more energized than I remember feeling in a long long time.

So there you have it, the body's amazing ability to get you ready for your baby no matter what.  I'm ready body, I'M READY!  I will take the newborn.  If I was 2 weeks further along I'd be encouraging labor just to get this baby out of me and get some sleep.

HOW IS THAT FOR IRONY?  I want the baby OUT to sleep.  

If this continues all the way to 42 weeks I will be a basketcase.

I think I only made it a month with Jett waking every 1.5 before I lost my shit.  I don't know if I'll make it any longer this time and I'm about a week in. 

Dear Baby, 3 more weeks...I can do this for 3 more weeks and then you have to come OUT or I'm going to go insane and you will have only a shell of a crazy lady for a mother by the time you arrive.

Anyone know any tricks to STAY asleep? Falling asleep is easy.  And I'll try anything at this point.


  1. so I've battled nasty insomnia since having Owen.. mine is anxiety-based.. so I get really hyped up, can't fall asleep, can't stay asleep, etc. I 100% agree, it's TORTURE. Especially if everyone else in the house is sleeping.. it made me really angry. My friend turned me on to lavender oil. I rub some on the bottoms of my feet, and put it on my pillow. Maybe it's a placebo effect, but it's worked for me. I sleep better. I still struggle, but I do sleep better than I did before. Maybe worth a shot?
    I hope things improve for you! I feel your pain and it sucks.

  2. Are you watching TV / looking at your phone in the 30m before bed? I've read some studies lately that show it can drastically increase your issues falling/staying asleep if you have screen time in those last 30m before bed. Maybe try reading a book or cleaning the house or something before bed and stay away from your phone/TV to see if that helps? I know I'm horrible about watching the screen until the second I'm trying to sleep, so I'm going to try this as well.

  3. Have you tried Melatonin? My husband had issues after being in the hospital and the sleep pattern that comes with nurses prodding you at all hours. It helped him fall asleep and stay asleep. It doesn't provide any type of drowsiness effect when you wake up.

  4. Stop looking at the clock. I don't look during nighttime feedings and honestly it's way better. I have a garmin vivoactive that tracks my sleep and when I look at it I'm always surprised. There are days I'm like, wow I slept so well last night and Theo barely woke! Then I look and garmin says he ate every 1.5 hours. If I don't look I think I just don't realize (or remember) how much I'm up! Plus we co-sleep :)