So, here we are at 38w1d and I'm starting to fret. Let me bumpdate you all and I will share all my fears and frustrations that have begun to crop up as we enter brand new territory.
How Far Along: 38w1d
Weight Gain: Must be 32 lbs now? I think. I weight about 150 most mornings, give or take a lb.
What's Up With My Body: Body is actually feeling ok other than the fact that I seem to have a baby fully engaged in my pelvis and HELLO...I can feel it. My pelvis is very uncomfortable and "full". But sleep is good, rib is good, heartburn kicks my ass some days and other days in non-existent. Basically I'm hangin in there. Ready to be done and more tired than uncomfortable these last few days.
Emotions: Ugh, emotionally I'm kind of a mess. I don't know what happened to me yesterday but I got to my midwife appointment and I just started balling. First I was REALLY tired, like woke up feeling exhausted, took a 2 hour nap, still felt exhausted, just felt really really run down and tired. But then also apparently this GBS diagnosis has left me a little more uneasy and stressed than I let myself believe because when she asked me about it all this information came pouring out of me that I didn't even realize I was thinking. Like, suddenly I was saying that I didn't know if a homebirth was the safest option anymore and I felt like I was selfishly putting my baby in danger if I was still GBS positive with this retest. And maybe I should just have a hospital birth because then I could have the antibiotics. Really did not realize that was what I was feeling, but that's what came pouring out.
Also, Dom has been gone for just over my limit of amount of time I can stand solo parenting. I make it to about a week and then I'M DONE. And here we are on Day 9...I'm done. He will be back late tonight and basically he is taking the kid WHENEVER I ASK because I'm exhausted and I can't do this by myself anymore.
And last but not least I'm still busy fretting about my baby being small. He/she is roughly 6 lbs. according to the skilled hands of my midwife and wouldn't you know it, Jett was 6 lbs. It was always assumed that Jett was small because of the preeclampsia and he had quit growing a few weeks back but...this baby is small too. So I'm left wondering DID I HAVE PREECLAMPSIA AT ALL??? Or do I just grow small babies? Or is there another reason this baby is small? My belly measurement was 34cm this week, so up from last week but I'm 38 weeks! My midwife is not worried, she says there's plenty of amniotic fluid, baby has visibly grown and baby is just fully engaged down low in my pelvis and yes...I grow small babies. So, trying not to worry BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. We've made it so far I don't want anything to go wrong here in the homestretch!
My last comparison. 38 weeks this time.
And 38 weeks last time.