More Sad News

Today was almost a good day.

It has been one week since the miscarriage started and I was finally feeling well enough to leave the house.

I put on a little bit of makeup.

I put on clothes that I hadn't been wearing for 3 days.

And then my mother called.

My Grandma, whose been in the hospital for 5 weeks, had her last dialysis today and is being taken off of all meds except for those that are keeping her comfortable. Without dialysis, she'll last a week, maybe 10 days longer.

It's a long story as to why she's in the hospital, so let's just say she's had diabetes for 30 years, her kidneys stopped functioning 10 years ago so she's been on dialysis and she was recently diagnosed with colon cancer.

It's just too much, her body can't take anymore, she's in constant pain and the decision was made to let her go.

I've hardly accepted the fact that I've lost my baby and now I'm losing my grandmother.

I'm on a plane tomorrow morning to be with my family and say goodbye.

They say these things happen in threes, so I'm waiting patiently for the 3rd.

Thoughts and Prayers are much appreciated.

I'm feeling a little numb, except for my goddamn uterus which hurts like hell and refuses to just expel whatever the hell it needs to expel to finish the job, and I'm tired...I'm very very tired.

I don't want to be a grown up anymore. Grown up shit sucks.