Bumpdate - 36 Weeks

We've been babymooning this week, so this is 2 days late.

And I'm about to complain my face off.

And this is going to be long.

You've been warned.

Did you know that there comes a point in pregnancy in which no matter how small you are you are going to look and feel fat?  And that you're more than likely going to grow out of not only your regular clothes but some of your maternity clothes?  Thus making those feelings of "fat" exponentially worse because THEY ARE MATERNITY CLOTHES and you're like how the fuck have I grown out of MATERNITY CLOTHES?!

Well, we're there folks.  We're there.

DRESSES, my beloved dresses do not look cute anymore...I look whaleish.  Even the tight ones that emphasize the bump are no good anymore because the bump is just too damn big to be cute.

36 weeks and we've hit the end of "cute pregnant lady", now we're just fat and pregnant and uncomfortable.

And even though we're actually 2 days past 36 weeks, so technically some of the shit I'm about to write should go in the 37 week, I'm going to put all that's gone down in the last day on 36 weeks because I feel awful and want to complain.

How far along: 36 Weeks + 2 days

Weight Gain: I may feel fatter but apparently I'm not as I'm still up 22 lbs. nothing gained this week.

What's Up with My Body:  I Just.  Feel. Fat.  And walking sucks, my hips ache when I walk.  And I basically can't eat any carbs without getting constipated.  But I think I finally found a magic elixir for the constipation.  GINGER TEA.  Ginger tea cures constipation, I SWEAR.  I discovered it by accident.  I hadn't pooped in 2 days when my sister offered me some ginger tea I said SURE, 2 hours later I was like OMG I HAVE TO POOP!  And this was bizarre because it was evening, I don't know about you guys but if I don't poop in the morning...it's not happening that day, I have to wait for the next morning.  But here we were 8pm and I was pooping!  Amazing!  A few days later I had ginger tea at baby class and sure enough 2 hours later when we got home, again in the evening, POOP TIME!  So, ginger, I'm a little bummed I didn't discover this like 4...maybe 5 months ago, but here at the end when we are also now dealing with HEMORRHOIDS, I guess I'll just be happy that I discovered the magic constipation elixir at all and not whine about how I discovered it quite late in the game.

And the hemorrhoids, I'm scared to death of pushing a baby out with hemorrhoids...I'm envisioning intestines bursting out of my bum at the same time that a baby is bursting out of my cooch and it's not a pretty picture.  We could just file this under THINGS I NEVER DREAMED I WOULD BE THINKING/WORRYING ABOUT but sure enough I'm desperately trying to rid myself of hemorrhoids before I have to push a baby out for fear of doing permanent damage to my intestinal tract.  Does that happen?

And my back hurts, but in such a weird spot.  Just below my right shoulder blade ACHES.  On our babymoon we went to a spa and got massages and they did a wonderful job of making my back feel better...for exactly one day.  I'm obviously sleeping, or walking, or just carrying this baby in a way that is hurting that part of my back because no amount of massaging is helping it stay away.  And it's making sleeping difficult as it hurts to lay on the right side, so when I get uncomfortable on the left and turn to the right I'm like SHIT, THAT HURTS TOO.  And now a little update as I just returned from a midwife appt...I probably have a rib out of place...yes, that would be why that hurts.  SHIT.

And last night I had the worst heartburn of my life.  No amount of Tums would soothe it and it basically made me feel like I was gonna throw up acid.  Milk usually helps me with heartburn but I as also having these really uncomfortable gas pains.  And you know what causes gas?  DAIRY!  So I was torn between the milk making the heartburn go away and the gas worse, I couldn't decide which was the lesser of 2 evils.  Finally at 2am my husband got me a glass of milk and I could finally sleep.  I feel like crap today, I'm tired, my back hurts, I have gas and hemorrhoids...but at least the heartburn is gone.

And THE ICING ON THE CRAP CAKE OF 36 WEEKS...I have high blood pressure.  My blood pressure has slowly been creeping up throughout the pregnancy but always staying well within the normal range...until yesterday when all of a sudden...it was high.  FUCK.  And again today for the re-check to see if last night was a fluke...still high.  Luckily I already have a hospital midwife appt set up for next week as they like to see you at 36 weeks if you're having a homebirth, just to make sure you're still healthy and low risk for said homebirth, so whatever tests I may need will be taken care of but REALLY?  I have no swelling, no weird vision disturbances, no signs of hypertension or preeclampsia other than high blood pressure.  DAMN...I was handling pregnancy so well.

The end of pregnancy is awesome.

Is it time to have this baby yet?

Baby:  Even though I'm miserable baby is still doing well and in the right position, head down with back to my belly, measuring 6 lbs now and apparently has some LONG legs!  Midwives were exclaiming how lanky baby is...I suppose this makes sense, my husband is 6'1" and while I may only be 5'5" my family is full of tall people...I'm the shorty.

Food:  I still am not hungry and I still want sweets.

AND FINALLY

Bumpdate:

 Don't be tricked by the gathering of the dress around the bump, I'M TRYING TO FOOL YOU!  Nobody walks around with their hand under their belly making their dress look cute...I actually look like this picture below in dresses now.

My room is a mess, I KNOW, I'm too pregnant to care, but do you SEE how not cute dresses are now?  They look like tents, BUMP. TOO. BIG.  I think I will just wear cute tank tops for the rest of the pregnancy...or in my underwear...the bump is still prettiest in my underwear.  MAYBE YOU'LL ONLY GET BUMP PICTURES IN MY UNDERWEAR FROM NOW ON.