Friday, July 20, 2012

Bumpdate - 36 Weeks

We've been babymooning this week, so this is 2 days late.

And I'm about to complain my face off.

And this is going to be long.

You've been warned.

Did you know that there comes a point in pregnancy in which no matter how small you are you are going to look and feel fat?  And that you're more than likely going to grow out of not only your regular clothes but some of your maternity clothes?  Thus making those feelings of "fat" exponentially worse because THEY ARE MATERNITY CLOTHES and you're like how the fuck have I grown out of MATERNITY CLOTHES?!

Well, we're there folks.  We're there.

DRESSES, my beloved dresses do not look cute anymore...I look whaleish.  Even the tight ones that emphasize the bump are no good anymore because the bump is just too damn big to be cute.

36 weeks and we've hit the end of "cute pregnant lady", now we're just fat and pregnant and uncomfortable.

And even though we're actually 2 days past 36 weeks, so technically some of the shit I'm about to write should go in the 37 week, I'm going to put all that's gone down in the last day on 36 weeks because I feel awful and want to complain.

How far along: 36 Weeks + 2 days

Weight Gain: I may feel fatter but apparently I'm not as I'm still up 22 lbs. nothing gained this week.

What's Up with My Body:  I Just.  Feel. Fat.  And walking sucks, my hips ache when I walk.  And I basically can't eat any carbs without getting constipated.  But I think I finally found a magic elixir for the constipation.  GINGER TEA.  Ginger tea cures constipation, I SWEAR.  I discovered it by accident.  I hadn't pooped in 2 days when my sister offered me some ginger tea I said SURE, 2 hours later I was like OMG I HAVE TO POOP!  And this was bizarre because it was evening, I don't know about you guys but if I don't poop in the's not happening that day, I have to wait for the next morning.  But here we were 8pm and I was pooping!  Amazing!  A few days later I had ginger tea at baby class and sure enough 2 hours later when we got home, again in the evening, POOP TIME!  So, ginger, I'm a little bummed I didn't discover this like 4...maybe 5 months ago, but here at the end when we are also now dealing with HEMORRHOIDS, I guess I'll just be happy that I discovered the magic constipation elixir at all and not whine about how I discovered it quite late in the game.

And the hemorrhoids, I'm scared to death of pushing a baby out with hemorrhoids...I'm envisioning intestines bursting out of my bum at the same time that a baby is bursting out of my cooch and it's not a pretty picture.  We could just file this under THINGS I NEVER DREAMED I WOULD BE THINKING/WORRYING ABOUT but sure enough I'm desperately trying to rid myself of hemorrhoids before I have to push a baby out for fear of doing permanent damage to my intestinal tract.  Does that happen?

And my back hurts, but in such a weird spot.  Just below my right shoulder blade ACHES.  On our babymoon we went to a spa and got massages and they did a wonderful job of making my back feel better...for exactly one day.  I'm obviously sleeping, or walking, or just carrying this baby in a way that is hurting that part of my back because no amount of massaging is helping it stay away.  And it's making sleeping difficult as it hurts to lay on the right side, so when I get uncomfortable on the left and turn to the right I'm like SHIT, THAT HURTS TOO.  And now a little update as I just returned from a midwife appt...I probably have a rib out of place...yes, that would be why that hurts.  SHIT.

And last night I had the worst heartburn of my life.  No amount of Tums would soothe it and it basically made me feel like I was gonna throw up acid.  Milk usually helps me with heartburn but I as also having these really uncomfortable gas pains.  And you know what causes gas?  DAIRY!  So I was torn between the milk making the heartburn go away and the gas worse, I couldn't decide which was the lesser of 2 evils.  Finally at 2am my husband got me a glass of milk and I could finally sleep.  I feel like crap today, I'm tired, my back hurts, I have gas and hemorrhoids...but at least the heartburn is gone.

And THE ICING ON THE CRAP CAKE OF 36 WEEKS...I have high blood pressure.  My blood pressure has slowly been creeping up throughout the pregnancy but always staying well within the normal range...until yesterday when all of a was high.  FUCK.  And again today for the re-check to see if last night was a fluke...still high.  Luckily I already have a hospital midwife appt set up for next week as they like to see you at 36 weeks if you're having a homebirth, just to make sure you're still healthy and low risk for said homebirth, so whatever tests I may need will be taken care of but REALLY?  I have no swelling, no weird vision disturbances, no signs of hypertension or preeclampsia other than high blood pressure.  DAMN...I was handling pregnancy so well.

The end of pregnancy is awesome.

Is it time to have this baby yet?

Baby:  Even though I'm miserable baby is still doing well and in the right position, head down with back to my belly, measuring 6 lbs now and apparently has some LONG legs!  Midwives were exclaiming how lanky baby is...I suppose this makes sense, my husband is 6'1" and while I may only be 5'5" my family is full of tall people...I'm the shorty.

Food:  I still am not hungry and I still want sweets.



 Don't be tricked by the gathering of the dress around the bump, I'M TRYING TO FOOL YOU!  Nobody walks around with their hand under their belly making their dress look cute...I actually look like this picture below in dresses now.

My room is a mess, I KNOW, I'm too pregnant to care, but do you SEE how not cute dresses are now?  They look like tents, BUMP. TOO. BIG.  I think I will just wear cute tank tops for the rest of the pregnancy...or in my underwear...the bump is still prettiest in my underwear.  MAYBE YOU'LL ONLY GET BUMP PICTURES IN MY UNDERWEAR FROM NOW ON.


  1. I still think you look adorable. Your posts haven't been showing up in my Reader--I've been wondering what's going on. Glad to know baby is still cooking and you're doing as well as can be expected. We're going to meet our babies soon!!!!

  2. Fingers crossed your BP doesn't keep creeping higher and you go down the road I went down.... Try and relax.. and eat pistachios, they naturally bring BP down. I learned this after I had Austin (big help there),so I'm passing on the info!!

  3. I hear ya! People look at me like there is something wrong with me, seriously I get stares from all sorts of people because my belly is sooooo big. I will post a pic this weekend. I can't even imagine giving birth all natural like you are, that is amazing. I too am scared of the hemorrhoids, mine is internal right now but not for long I fear. You are looking great though, really you are!

  4. Aw, hang in there! I think you look adorable. And here's hoping that blood pressure starts behaving!

  5. I also think you still look great! I hope the blood pressure goes back down and that rib heals. You don't have long to go now :)

  6. I am right there with ya! I was totally spoiled with how easy the majority of my pregnancy has been.... Holy crap these last weeks are HARD! The whole hemroid and pushing thing just another reason why I took the news of the c-section a little easier.
    By the way, you still look great!

  7. Haha I still think you look cute! But I hear you, I am starting to not feel so cute already, so I can't imagine 36 weeks! Hopefully babe will come around 38 and put you out of your misery! I hadn't thought of the hemmeroids and pushing thing.....scary thought. I haven't been blessed with those yet thank god. But congrats on the almost over! You've held up pretty well so far!

  8. You look great!

    You've almost crossed the finish line! I'm so excited for you!

  9. Yeah I know all too well that these last few weeks are tough. I'm 36 weeks as well and have pretty much all the same issues that you describe. Except the high blood pressure. In that department I seem to have the opposite problem. But hey it will all be over soon!

  10. You may feel giant and fat, but you look GORGEOUS. Absolutely beautiful!

    So let's agree to disagree? ;)

  11. This made me laugh out loud... and now you see why people schedule inductions WAY BEFORE their due date!! hahahahaha!! You still hope your baby goes past its due date? This is how I feel THE ENTIRE TIME I'M PREGNANT! By the way, find a pregnancy chiropractor to help you with that rib. I had the same problem a few weeks ago and she totally fixed it for me!!

    Good luck!!

  12. Your bump still looks cute and the dress still looks cute on you. THIS IS WHAT PREGNANT LADIES LOOK LIKE IN DRESSES! You just FEEL extra big! But you aren't. You are cute. I've outgrown a lot of my maternity clothes already, especially the pants (the non-stretchy part digs into Apple and therefore my bladder). So it's skirts, dresses, and yoga pants for me. And some of my shirts don't go down over the bottom of my bump anymore. It's sad but it's also kind of hilarious/awesome.

  13. You crack me up! But I agree with others, I think you still look awesome. But I understand. I had to retire my first to pairs of maternity jeans that were demi panels because they just got too tight and uncomfortable and kept rolling under my belly in an awkward way. It does not make one feel beautiful to out grow maternity clothes, that is for sure!

  14. I think you look beautiful in that dress. We are always our own worst critic. :)

  15. I agree with everyone, you look very cute and very pregnant, not fat at all. I too am finding that my maternity clothes aren't always fitting either. It's sort of frustrating, but also nice to know that there isn't too much longer to wait.

    In one of your recent posts, you asked about nursing bras (sorry, just can't be bothered to go back and find it). My mother-in-law (midwife) suggested buying a nursing bra that is one cup size larger than you are now, as (y)our breasts will get even bigger once the milk comes in. I still need to go get myself one and I'm dreading it. LOL

    Sorry things are getting so uncomfortable now. I hope your appointment to get your rib back in place is successful. I don't envy that pain! It's getting towards the end and there isn't really much longer to go. Hang in there! I'm waddling right there with you and I'm not liking long distance walks either, but going slow helps.

  16. About 6 months ago, I sort of accidentally stumbled on a natural miracle cure for my hemorrhoids: CASTOR OIL generously applied around and inside the area. It's a bit gross to think about at first, but as a sufferer of hemorrhoids for YEARS this is the only thing that has done the trick. My hemorrhoids shrunk basically overnight. It may not stop them from popping out during labor, but it will give you some relief for the time being!