Friday, December 9, 2011

Life in Bullet Points

I've just got bullet points today.

  • Michelle Duggar, pregnant with her 20th child, lost her baby in her 2nd trimester.  I hope everyone who was begrudging the Duggars their fertility will now realize that no matter the size of your family...miscarriage is hard.  I am sad for them, even if they have 19 kids already.
  • My soul is no longer being sucked away by sadness, proof that it was in fact period induced...or at least I'm still assuming but...
  • My luteal phase is 15 days long which means my 2WW is actually 16 days rather than 14 days.  AF is supposed to make her arrival today but my temp is still up and she is so far a no show.  This is all based off the ONE normal cycle I have had in the 18 months that I have been living in this hell...and even that was Clomid induced, so for all I know I am way off and AF isn't due for another 2 days...or something.
  • If by some miracle I am in fact pregnant I can't announce it on here guys because unlike many of you I am not anonymous and I need to tell close friends and family before bloggerland.  This goes for ALL future cycles, I am trying to wean myself away from talking about my cycles now but it's all I can think about today because...
  • I have made it 16 days without peeing on anything, but today day 16 is really testing my resolve.
  • I am extremely thankful lately that with 2 sisters and 2 sisters-in-law that nary a one is pregnant right now.  Nor do any of them have plans to be in the near future.  I don't know how you ladies with pregnant sisters handle it.
  • I am also extremely thankful that none of my close friends are pregnant.  Again, how you ladies handle this in your day to day lives is beyond me.
  • I am seriously contemplating getting myself a job...or going back to school.  If I go back to work I have NO IDEA what industry I would be looking into.  In NYC I was working in production, but I don't think that is a career I will pursue here in San Francisco.  If I go back to school I'm running into a little conundrum in that my fields I wish to pursue, Forensic Anthropology or Paleoanthropology are quite specialized and thus not offered just anywhere and it seems SF schools are not big on the anthro.  My preliminary research leads me to Chico being the closest school with a program that would suit my needs and Chico is 3 hours away.  Nothing is ever easy is it?
  • This post is all just an effort to kill some time while I continue to NOT PEE on anything for fear of the dreaded single pink line...and the real reason is that I fear the double pink line as well. I fear another pregnancy that ends in miscarriage more than I have ever feared anything...ever. Please AF show up today!


  1. Maybe you could take a smattering of courses at a school close by, maybe something would peek your interest that isn't anthropology. Who knows, maybe you would find a whole new passion. I think finding something, school or work is a fantastic idea. Just make sure it's something fun!! Good luck not peeing on sticks today :)

  2. My last two pregnancies I waited until 3 days after my period was supposed to show up because I couldn't handle the negatives. I get it. I'm also not anonymous, so I've had to not announce my pregnancies as well. It feels like I'm lying, but it's the right thing to do.

    I'm surprised Bay Area schools aren't big on anthropology. I don't know why that shocks me so much, but it just seems like they should be. Crazy!

    Thanks for your comment on my last post. It was nice to read that someone else is just as driven by her intuition, and that it also leads her 3,000 mile away. ;-) I hope in this case, we're both proven wrong. That it's okay we can't listen to our gut at this moment...because we'll be happy with what it had to say in the end.

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  4. I love this list!

    I don't handle pregnant sister-in-laws and friends well or gracefully at all.

    Am hoping you're PREGO! Can't wait to (eventually) hear.

  5. Tough questions. I know what you mean, I have no idea what I want to do with my life while I wait for, hope for a pregnancy. Hope the process is not too stressful. Understand about the keeping it a secret, I feel weird knowing people on the web know more about this journey than the people in my life- though that's because of all the understanding you find. But hoping for great news for you!

  6. I'm hoping that in this case, no news from you is good news. :)

    I think it's great that you're contemplating going back to school. I also toyed with the idea of studying forensic anthropology. One of my former profs is one of the leading forensic anthropologists in Canada and I couldn't help but be inspired by his passion for his work. Alas, I did not pursue it, but maybe some day I will...

    P.S. I've nominated you for a blog award. :)