Friday, December 30, 2011


Hi guys!

I'm back.

I've kept up with all of your blogs for the most part.  Skimming over bad news and lingering on good news and not really commenting at all.

I've been lurking.


I promise to get back on the commenting wagon as soon as the madness of having a visitor and family time dies down.  MIL leaves today and tomorrow is NYE and thus 2011 will FINALLY be over and the holiday madness will come to an end.

But I wanted to post today about anonymity.

Many of you have recently written about being anonymous and how you don't feel comfortable coming out of the infertility closet to those close to you and I just wanted to throw out the exact opposite opinion.

I am not anonymous.  I have pictures all over this blog of both myself and my husband.  I use my real name and I use my real location.

Every member of my family knows about our infertility woes and about the devastation of the miscarriage.  Anyone who is anyone in our friendship circles also knows all the details.

And I wouldn't have it any other way AT THIS POINT.

I did not start blogging about infertility or really sharing our story with friends until AFTER I was pregnant the first time.  I was like I BEAT INFERTILITY AND NOW I'M GOING TO SHARE MY STORY!  Except of course that didn't last very long and I got thrown right back into the world of infertility AND I AM SO HAPPY THAT I SHARED both on my blog and in real life.

The miscarriage would have brought me to my knees if I had had to deal with it by myself.  People came out of the woodwork to tell me their miscarriage stories, again both in bloggerland and in real life, AND I COULD NOT BE MORE GRATEFUL.  

To refresh everyone's memory I posted on Facebook at exactly 12 weeks that we were expecting our first child and the very next day the bleeding began and the miscarriage followed soon after.  We then had to write a very sad "we lost the baby" post.  I was slightly embarrassed at first because WE HAD JUST POSTED THE ANNOUNCEMENT, but as the emails and texts poured in the embarrassment was lost in the undying gratitude for the people that reached out to me.

And in turn others now know that they can look to me as a source of comfort should they find themselves in a similar situation.  When my friend lost her baby at 20 weeks, her and I had one of the most heartfelt, sad, tear-filled conversations of my life, but it was because of our shared loss and having someone who has experienced the same thing to share the pain with...and their was something beautiful about it even though it was dreadfully sad.

Many of you in your daily lives have to deal with people inquiring about your future plans for children and obnoxious pregnant women whining about their swollen feet because you don't like to share your infertility woes.  I feel for you and I can tell you this:  No one ever asks me if I'm going to have children and no pregnant woman who knows me would dare whine in my presence, if either were to happen their going to get a story about 18 months and 1 miscarriage and no shuts them right up.

I feel I give a face to miscarriage and infertility, it can happen to anyone...and it does.  I refuse to shy away from either topic or be embarrassed by either, if someone wants to talk about it, I'll talk about it.  I can't promise I won't cry while I talk about it, but I'll talk about it.

I respect everyone's decision to either remain anonymous or come out of the closet, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the other side of anonymous.

Hope everyone had a lovely holiday season and HAPPY NEW YEAR!


  1. I totally agree with you about being "public" but I have an extremely private husband who does not want support from anyone while I am an open book. Being anonymous, but on the internet has been a great compromise for us.

    Also, I'm a high school teacher and it would not be cool for my students to know about my CM : )

    Happy New Year!

  2. hey there. i am sort of stuck in the middle of two worlds. on my blog, i am anonymous (to a certain extent, i have listed where i live, which clinic i use, and even put my name and email address in comments on other blogs) but in "real life" almost everyone that i am at all close to knows what's going on. as soon as i got the positive pregnancy test in november 2010, i texted a picture to all my girlfriends who knew we were trying. they all then knew about the miscarriage. when we got pregnant in july 2011, same thing. everyone i'm close to (and people at work who need to know) knows we're about to start IVF. everyone i am close to has my blog. so i'm not sure why i started the blog under an anonymous name. probably because i just want some kind of privacy left. it's why i've never put anything on facebook about trying and failing at conceiving. so i guess i am inexplicably stuck between two worlds.


  3. I am so happy that there are more and more women taking control and telling their story. It makes those who have had a loss feel less alone.
    I have shared with almost all of my close friends and family as well as a couple of coworkers. Eventually I will open up to everyone. My pain over our recent loss has prevented me from going further at the moment, but I hold little shame over it. It is what it is.
    Thank you for being our advocate.

  4. I agree, Jes! I'm not "out" on anything like facebook because people say dumb things there and witty comebacks aren't as effective, but if someone asks me where the babies are - I tell them. A lot of times, you have someone on the other end whose been through infertility and you find a new confidant. We can't expect people to stop saying insensitive things if we don't let them know it's insensitive.

  5. It is amazing how many people are quietly out there with a story of miscarriage or infertility. And they will not speak a word of it until they hear you are there with them. I think it is good to have support while going thru difficult times...