On Turning 30

Let it be said, I really really like my birthday.

It's a celebration of ME and I am...

1. a Leo

and

2. a middle child

This equates to birthday time = it's all about me = awesome.

If I said I didn't like all the attention I would be lying.

And also the worst Leo ever.

I love my birthday.

So, you can only imagine the sort of nonsense I was planning for the big 3-0. I was not excited about turning 30 per se, but it was my birthday, who cares about the age, it's the birthday that's the important part! It was going to be AMAZING. I was going to NYC and we were going to P.A.R.T.Y our little faces off.

Dom and I were even taking a break from Clomid and babymaking.

Just so I could turn 30 like a rock star.

And then...

Well then I found out I was pregnant. On a Clomid cycle that was WHACK (I thought I wasn't going to ovulate at all, hence the NYC birthday plans! and then my body decided Day 29 would be a good day to ovulate, I tell you WHACK!)

And my 30th birthday took a backseat.

A really really far back of the car backseat.

August 13th, 2011 became just another day.

We went to Oregon and out to dinner with my family and told my grandparents about the baby, and while it was in fact MY birthday dinner, it didn't feel like it.

And it was OK.

I guess I was more excited about being pregnant than having a birthday. Just 30 and pregnant not 30 and still not pregnant (I was 28 when we started our TTC journey, I thought I would already have a baby by 30).

I surprised even myself with just how much I didn't care.

Remember last year on my birthday in Australia? No friends for my birthday and Dom not announcing to the others at dinner that it was my birthday and me getting a little too drunk and crying about it? Yes, that's the kind of behavior one can usually expect from me when birthday plans aren't suitably um....Jesica-centric enough.

This is not necessarily a good quality in myself, it just IS. This is what happens when you have a Leo who is also a middle child. All those parents out there of the following combination...you have been warned.

And while it's always a goal of mine to disguise my feelings on the outside and pretend that sort of thing doesn't bother me and to appear less selfish, you can't change how you feel on the INSIDE and that's what I'm talking about.

But this year was different. So so different. But it's good guys, it's really good.

I was scared about what kind of parent I'm going to make. The friends I know with Leo parents, those parents are...how shall we say this...a little self-centered. And even with their adult children they always seem to make everything about themselves, not their children. I don't want to be that kind of parent. And now just from this one tiny little thing that happened, or rather didn't happen, ie. me not feeling like it was the end of the world because I was pregnant on my 30th birthday and not getting to party and celebrate like I always imagined, I feel like it will be OK. Maybe, just maybe, I will be a good parent regardless of my self-centered, attention seeking, Leo/middle child tendencies.

Any other Leo parents out there? Have you found it easy to be less selfish (because let's face it if you're an unselfish Leo, you're a rarity) after having children?