Friday, July 1, 2011

Organic Lollipops and a Wax

My title sums up San Francisco nicely. Let me explain.

I went in for a wax, the really terrible kind, the painful kind, the Brazilian kind. When I walked in I was presented with a lollipop to "help me through the experience" and then she told me it was organic. If that's not San Francisco I don't know what is.

Super nice. Almost overly so. And uber worried about saving the environment.

Sidenote - In Oregon (and possibly the rest of the Northwest) we call lollipops SUCKERS. When I got to New York and said sucker, people were confused and totally thought I was some hick from the midwest. TRUE STORY.

Back to San Francisco, I have nothing BAD to say about San Francisco, other than it's not New York.

I mean more by that statement than simply the geography.

People say that New Yorkers are rude and unhelpful, the city is considered "hard", abrasive and rough. But that's why I LOVE IT.

And by the way, the only people that think New Yorkers are rude are tourists, other New Yorkers KNOW that fellow New Yorkers just know how to get where they're going or get what they want and sometimes it takes a little...brashness to achieve whatever results they're looking for. Also they're not sight seeing! They' and need to get where they're going quickly!

It takes a little getting used to, but as soon as I found my groove in the Big Apple I knew I was "home". The hardness suits me. I don't like extra niceties, I'd rather get to the point.

San Francisco is the EXACT OPPOSITE and I'm having a hard time adjusting.

For instance, I have a tendency to rush the elevator/train/crosswalk, etc etc. I learned long ago that people will push you out of the way if you're not moving fast enough, and that it's better to be ahead of the crowd, THAT WAY YOU'RE IN FRONT OF THE TOURISTS =)

Unfortunately, no one else does that here, SO I LOOK VERY RUDE AND PUSHY!

I also totally stole a cab from some girls the other night, BUT BITCHES WERE TOO SLOW ;-) I know the San Francisco thing to do would have been to let them have it, but seriously, I was closer and I got in the cab first, THAT'S THE WAY IT'S DONE. Even the cab driver complimented me on my smooth skills, SERIOUSLY.

Another sidenote - whenever I think of stealing cabs I think of my friend Jessica from No No You Say and her getting pissed off at some girls fishing downstream from us a a few years ago in NYC, so when she saw an open cab slowing to stop for the evil downstream fishers she booked it across the street with 5 inch heels and A BABY STRAPPED TO HER CHEST...and got herself a cab! Those are mad skills...and yet they would be totally unappreciated here.

San Franciscans also like to compliment anything and everything...randomly...on the street.

I've been complimented on my shoes, dress, hat, hair, you name it, someone has randomly told me they like it. I find this endearing, but honestly, I DON'T CARE IF RANDOM GUY ON THE STREET LIKES MY HAT. Yes it's nice to be complimented, but really, if you're driving an El Camino and you tell me you like my boots while you drive by me in your ugly El Camino I'm going to think seriously about throwing away my boots BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY DO NOT HAVE GOOD TASTE.

And boy do they like to chat. Chat about the weather, chat about my hat, chat about my car, chat about the Giants, WHATEVER, doesn't matter. I mean on the bus, on the train, in the cab, EVERYONE wants to talk. PLEASE JUST LET ME READ ME BOOK IN PEACE CRAZY STRIPPER LADY, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HOW YOU LIKE MY SUNGLASSES AND WHERE I BOUGHT THEM AND HOW YOU USED TO BE A STRIPPER IN NEW YORK!

People don't talk to you in New York! They leave you alone!

Is this terrible of me? Shouldn't I think the niceness is GOOD?

And btw, they become rude New Yorkers when behind the wheel of a car. The niceties extend only to face to face conversations, when it comes to driving it's EAT or BE EATEN, they don't take no crap when it comes to driving!

What else do I have to say about San Francisco?

They LOVE to recycle. And I love them for that.

It's pretty amazing the amount of things you can recycle or compost here. Plastic bags are banned from grocery stores, they only use paper bags and using your own bag is HIGHLY encouraged. You also receive a GIANT recycling container and a TINY garbage container and a compost container for garbage pick up.

Remember my compost post? Well, holy hell, these people take care of all of that for you! You just throw everything into a big bin and they haul it away every week and compost the crap out of it somewhere else. It's pretty awesome.

They also have zero emission buses that run on electricity and EVERYTHING is organic ;-)

I like it. They've cut out something like 70% of their waste with the systems they have in place.

Go San Francisco.

What else?

Oh yes...the hippies.

Listen, I'm from Eugene, Oregon. LAND OF THE POT SMOKING HIPPIES. But these people put Eugene to shame. Both with their sheer hippiness and with their pot smoking ways. More often than not I smell weed on someone getting on the train and more often than not I'm deterred from walking AROUND OR NEAR the crazy homeless hippy bums. I don't know what it is but they TOTALLY FREAK ME OUT, something that I've never encountered in New York. I think it might be the likelihood of them trying to talk to you, ie. ever the friendly San Franciscan, even the bums want to chat...or get high with you if you're interested ;-) Cause you know pot is LEGAL here.

All in all, I LIKE San Francisco, but I don't LOVE San Francisco. I've been told by many that it takes 1 year (or maybe a bit more) to fall in love with this city. I find this discouraging because I fell in love with NYC when my plane touched down in the dead of winter 6 years ago. But, I'm still giving it a shot, hopefully in the next 10 months my like will turn to love.

Anyone else ever moved somewhere and taken awhile to fall in love with their new city?


  1. I really enjoyed reading this post. It was funny, but honest. San Francisco sounds a lot like Texass - isn't that weird? 'Round here people love to talk (to anyone, about anything!)

    I know you've probably heard this a hundred times, but enjoy your "now". I'm really bad about always looking to tomorrow, tomorrow...

    All the places I've lived since I left (my parents') home haven't ever really felt like home. Even with all the things that are "wrong" with Waco, TX (and the surrounding areas), I think I will always feel like Waco's my home and I'll be comparing the new place to it.

    It was difficult to get used to living in town when I got married (after living in the country all my life!) Now I live in the boondocks again and I'm missing the city. When we moved to Amarillo, I missed the trees of Central Texas, but then when we moved, I missed Amarillo. Can we ever just be happy? Ha ha :)

  2. Ha ha ha ha ha - ok seriously was laughing at some points while reading this. I ended up reading it out loud to Josh on our way back from Idaho - his favorite part was when you were going to throw away your "boobs" after the guy complimented them - he still thought it was awesome when he found out I had said "boots" not "boobs" :)

  3. I call them "suckers" too!!!! Haha :)

  4. you crack me up! But I have to admit I kinda like the sucker idea while you're getting your lady parts covered in hot wax.. just saying that would be a good distraction!!

  5. This is funny!! I lived in San Francisco for a few years... and we live so close still I love visiting. I love that city - it has it's own personality (just like NYC) and I have a feeling it will just take you some time to get it all figured out ;) Make sure you eat at Squat & Gobble (a few locations around the city) it's delicious!

  6. Hahahaha. I would totally hate people chatting and being super nice all the time! I mean, I guess it's kinda like that down south, too, but still, sometimes I just want to not talk.

  7. I have just downloaded iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.