No, I'm not pregnant.
I'm on my 2nd round of Clomid, 8 months and 5 ovulatory cycles postpartum...and still not pregnant.
These life changes have involved moving houses and changing jobs.
The last few months have been a whirlwind of house selling then house buying then moving...and it's just been busy.
We are still in the Bay area but took the plunge, left the city and moved to the burbs.
So now we're here in Berkeley getting adjusted and in about a month my husband is going to quit his job.
For the moment we have insurance and thus will be taking the opportunity to visit the RE and find out WHAT THE FUCK is going on and how I can go from ovulating 3 times resulting in 2 pregnancies to ovulating 5 times which only resulted in 1 pregnancy.
Clearly my problems now run deeper than just ovulating.
Awesome.
Anyway, it seems everyone in my life is pregnant or just popped out their 2nd child so I've been hibernating a bit. I don't like how quickly I'm becoming bitter and angry again so I've just sort of been steering clear of all the preggos and new mamas.
Perhaps not the healthiest way to deal with things...but it is what it is.
And in other news, it's almost Halloween!!! I'm so excited for trick or treaters I can hardly stand it!
Thank you for writing this. It took me a while to get bitter but I'm here with a vengeance and not even pulling the lucky to have one. I feel so alone.
ReplyDeleteI currently reside in - "it worked both times we did IVF before, so when we're ready, it will totally happen again" also, maybe not 100% healthy. I only just yesterday had this moment if clarity that was like "holy shit what if it doesn't!" Hang in there- hopefully the RE will have some sort of explanation/plan!
ReplyDeleteI'm so excited for you guys and all your life changes, but so sad you have a heavy heart waiting to complete your family. You'll be all settled in your new house and routine when his new baby decides to join you all. And yes, holidays and toddlers is such a pick me up!! He is sooo cute!
ReplyDeleteTotally hear the angry & bitter feelings! Those are seeping into my world a lot lately too. I've watched so many people around me decide to try to get pregnant while we've been TTC again, and now they are all now having babies. It feels so unfair most of the time. I am hopeful your RE can help you guys come up with a plan and that things move forward quickly and smoothly from there. And yes- Holidays with these little ones is the best. Just their wonder and excitement over every.single.thing.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are in that shitty shitty place. I thought it wouldn't hit so hard after having one, and for a while it didn't. But then I went back to noticing bellies and babies everywhere I went and being oh so jealous. The jealousy is the worst. But I truly believe you guys will get there, come on chloride do your thing!!! And soon your hubby will be home full time to catch all of those key days :). congrats on the life changes, hope Berkley treats you guys well and you get to fill that new house with babies.
ReplyDeleteI know that every cycle feels like eons at this point, but remind yourself that even when there are NO issues and everything is PERFECTLY timed, there is still only a 20% chance of getting pregnant on any given cycle. That's why they usually tell ppl to wait a year before getting concerned (because if 20/100 ppl get pregnant cycle 1, then 16/80 get pregnant cycle 2...etc... and after 5 cycles 67/100 ppl will be pregnant (statistically)... so for you to have 2 pregnancies in 3 cycles was actually CRAZY lucky and awesome. But like I said, I know it's hard to see the BFNs every cycle, and I pray that this next one is it for you. I'm just trying to say that maybe there isn't anything else wrong and it's just taking awhile - that can be totally normal.
ReplyDeleteHang in there hon....
Let's plan to get together for Halloween again in the near-ish future. You were always my best halloween partner in crime and I LOVE trick or treaters too! We were the only family in our building (ok really I was the only adult) that was so excited to live in a place where there are tons of trick or treaters. Is it because we grew up in the boonies? I'm sorry about the preggo trials. Fingers are still crossed for you. xx
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