Friday, September 14, 2012

Wherein Another Anonymous Comment Makes For a Very Good Blog Post

The Anonymous Commenter says:

Your posts make me so sad. Not once have you talked about how precious you think your baby is or how blessed you are to have him after considering yourself to be "infertile". All of your posts have been about how boring you baby is or how much he cramps your style or how he won't "shut the fuck up". What did you honestly expect from a newborn? I hope for your baby's sake that you can stop being so selfish and thinking about yourself and figure out that it isn't all about you anymore.

You are correct Anonymous, I don't come into this space and write about how wonderful my child is and how blessed I am to have him.

I come here to vent.

What is the point of blogging if not to vent?  Am I right?

I don't come on here, into this space and start writing when life is great.  That's not why I started blogging, that's not why I blog now.  If I'm here it's because I need advice, or I need help or I need to get something off my chest.  Or I just need to know that there is someone else out there going through the same sort of hell that I am.  

I need to feel less alone.  

This is why infertility breeds so many bloggers, because we NEED a space to vent about how much life sucks while we're dealing with infertility and we need support.

This is also why infertility bloggers drop off the face of the blog planet when they finally get pregnant.

It's because they're happy.

Or because they fear comments like the above.  They don't want to be seen as complaining when they fought so hard to get there.

Well, I'm not gonna blog about how great it is to be a parent and how it's the most special thing in the universe and how I think my child is the most wonderful child on the planet.

That's not real.

I don't enjoy reading mommy bloggers who only have good things to say.  I don't believe women who say their first months of motherhood were the best months of their lives.  

If that's all you read about from other bloggers and then you get there, when you're the mommy and things aren't as great or as easy as all those other mommy bloggers led you to believe you start to think that something is wrong with you or your child.


Parenthood is fucking hard, whether you deal with infertility beforehand or not does not change the fact that sleep deprivation and a screaming child who won't sleep IS HARD.

I don't need support from others when Baby Jett and I have an amazing day together.  I don't need to tell you about the nights when he sleeps well and when I feel like a rockstar parent.

Again, I don't come here to gloat or for you to tell me how special and gorgeous my baby is.  I come here for help.

IRL this is also what we. as women, do with our girlfriends.  We get together to bitch about one thing or another.   We bitch about our husbands, we bitch about our babies, we bitch about our weight, we bitch about our jobs.

Rarely do I get together with my friends and we all start chatting about how wonderful life is.

Maybe me and all of my friends are bitchy?  Do others sit around with their friends and declare how much they love their husbands?

You'll notice Anonymous that I don't write much about marriage or my husband on here.  This is because marriage and my relationship with my husband are pretty great and I don't find myself needing advice or seeking help in those areas of my life.  But you also won't find me saying how wonderful I think my husband is and how great our marriage is.

For me, this is not what this space is for.

So, while I may post pictures of my son from time to time (I know my family reads this and wants to see piccies!) the majority of the time that I mention Baby Jett it is to "bitch" about something and seek advice or I just want to know that someone else has gone through the same thing and that what I'm dealing with or feeling is "normal".

If you're a parent and you've never thought to yourself OMG MY KID IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE, CAN I TRADE HIM IN FOR A DIFFERENT QUIETER ONE then you either have the best baby in the whole damn world or you're lying to yourself.

You and me Anonymous would not be friends in real life (thus you don't need to read my blog if it makes you so sad) because in real life my friends all understand when I say my kid is being an ASS that it's because KIDS ARE LITTLE SHITHEADS...especially at night...and that I still love him more than I've ever loved anything else in the world.

I'm also preparing all of my pregnant readers for the wonderful world of parenthood that is before them...because as I've discovered, NO ONE TELLS YOU THESE THINGS BEFOREHAND.  So maybe, just maybe, if one of you lovely ladies who hasn't had your baby yet hits 6 weeks with your little one and he turns into little Screamy McScreamerson and you want to kill yourself as you hit the 4th hour of Screamfest 2012 you'll remember how that blogger once wrote about how her baby turned from a great sleeper to a sleep boycotter overnight and instead of thinking OMG MY KID HATES ME , I'M THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD you'll think HOLY SHIT NOW I KNOW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT and you'll feel just a tiny bit less alone and a tiny bit less like everyone else has the best babies in the world and yours is the only asshole.

But now I'd like to know, why do the rest of you blog?  Do you blog to vent?  Do you blog to share the "good" with your family and friends and keep the "bad" out of it?  Or for some other reason?  And does anyone else actually get the feeling that I'm not eternally grateful for my son and think that all I do is bitch about how hard parenthood is?


  1. I wish someone had prepared me better for parenthood... I was expecting a baby who slept all the time and I got fussy pants 24/7... when they say "your life will change" you are like 'sure, I'll stop going out so much" you don't expect "OMG, I just pooped while wearing my baby in the sling because I can't put him down or he'll scream and I'd like to eat something but I don't have time" kind of life change!!! the bad stuff is what we need to be prepared for!!! The first 8 weeks of Motherhood were HELL for me, and my posts would have been similar to yours other than I couldn't find time to blog! :-) I'm behind you on the "motherhood is a bitch sometimes" front for sure.

    1. PS- and I wish my damn profile picture would show up again! Argh!!

  2. I cannot believe somebody commented this! I have not for one second thought that you are not grateful for and 100% in love with your baby. I have zero doubts that parenting IS hard, and that you also have fantastic days with Jett. There is a reason these commenters are always "anonymous", because they don't blog - or if they do, their blog is full of shit.

  3. I think you should be able to post whatever you want on your own blog without judgement. You weren't asking for feedback so anonymous should have kept their comments to themself. We all have bad days and need to vent. I guess being pregnant with twins is a bit different because everyone warns you about how crappy your life will become. All of the warnings got pretty boring fast and I found it refreshing when I could read blogs where mothers of twins were surviving and sometimes even thriving. Sometimes I like a little sugar coating.
    I love your asshole comment. When one of our boys is acting up and fussing people always tell me that they must be hungry, or tired, or teething. I just reply, "nope, he's just an asshole" Obviously I love my sons but sometimes you just have to call it like you see it.

  4. There's one in every group, I just wish they'd shut the hell up. Don't worry about it, the majority of us like truth with occasional cupcakes...not the other way around.

  5. I blog to vent. Hands down. Sure, if I'm happy I like to throw that in there too... but my blog is my safe place to let out whatever I am feeling in that moment. I think many of us who have been around the IF world for a while understand that having a baby is not the immediate remedy for happiness. It doesn't cure infertility! There is no doubt that you love your baby so very much. I appreciate hearing what it's really like on the "other side" - not just a sugar coating of "everything is soooo perfect!" I think the commenter is just ignorant and you should delete and ignore it.

  6. I personally blog as a journal, the good AND the bad. I also live overseas, so it's a way to keep our family up to date in our lives.

    I know you say you blog to vent, but I love being able to look back on the good things from my blog... But if that's not your thing, it's not your thing. And if people don't like it there are a billion other blogs out there they can read :)

  7. I have had NO doubts about your love for sweet baby Jett- and always appreciate the reality check you are providing those of us about to enter the parenthood arena! I appreciate your honesty at each phase.

    I began my blog entirely to have an outlet for the frustrations I felt with infertility- and through it discovered an amazing community of women. It has now transitioned to more of a journal documenting my pregnancy journey- both the good and the bad. I expect it to transition once more when our baby gets here- recording the ups and downs of parenthood, much as you are doing.

  8. You know I love you for your honesty. It's how I felt pregnant I hated it but knowing your are infertile you have to pretend its a bed of roses when it isn't. And that's the hardest thing. You have never once pretended to be someone you are not and anyone who reads this blog religiously knows this.

    I won't lie I've been blessed with a kid that doesnt cry much so I've been lucky but I KNOW that it is hard when it does. Beyond hard. If they want to torture prisoners leave them for a week with a baby with reflux and colic and see where that gets them!

    If this blog had been all one way and turned since you had your baby maybe the reader could be pissed but your the same Jessica since day one.

    Continue spreading the truth not the rose tonged version as being a mum is hard!

    Chon xx

    Ps the first 6w are kinda boring!!

    Pps just annoy someone again about your rocking post pregnant body :)

    1. Oh and just to add when she cries the pacci goes in faster than a speeding bullet ;)

  9. I blog to keep track of Sadie's progress and to share with others our inspiring story. But oh, do I know about screaming. Screaming in the car, screaming at night, screaming all day, screaming in the tub, screaming screaming screaming all the time!!! And I remember when people would tell me that I should just enjoy my baby because she's only going to be little once, I would think, "Thank God!! This sucks!!" Of course, I had a little different situation than most...but still. Screaming is hard no matter WHO your child is. I would definitely like to see more pictures, but I also get most of what you're saying on here. (I'm also a little afraid to comment after what happened a couple of weeks ago) Babies are blessings, but babies are hard work too. That's why God makes Mamas so strong!

  10. I keep meaning to write a post for you last several posts. Anyways, I never really understood anonymous comments. Just so you know everything you have written I thought the words were coming right out of my mouth. Screw anonymous, I think she doesn't live in the real world and has deep rooted issues that will rise up one day. Ms. Perfect Anonymous can go fuck herself!!!! Hope all is going well with everything!

  11. What's funny is that I almost never vent on my blog. Too many people that I know read it and I would never feel comfortable blogging personal vents there, so I am always really careful about what I post. That's not to say I don't post my personal opinions or things like that, but mostly I blog just to share certain parts of my life--books I read, DIY projects I do, etc. While it's my "personal" blog, it's not my personal blog, if you know what I mean. It's only a snapshot of things going on in my life. So I commend you for being open and honest here! And I certainly appreciate it as someone who is due in 8 weeks...I like reading your tales of motherhood since I'll be there soon. I'm not going to blast Anonymous because I can understand how someone who isn't a regular reader might feel like you are being negative about your baby (you said it yourself, you come here to vent), but I personally appreciate your honesty and as a long-time reader I know that you generally don't paint a rosy picture because you're trying to keep it real. Don't change...this kind of talk is refreshing in the blog world.

  12. Since I pretty much have been where you are...infertility...followed by a screaming baby....I was totally relating to all your posts. I never once questioned you loved your baby to bits. I loved my babies to bits but seriously...sometimes I really just wanted them to be quiet or sleep and it is FRUSTRATING! But this is reality....and anyone who thinks it isn't either has never had children or has full time help!!!!

  13. I'm sure this is also the commenter who, if you did talk about how happy you are, would make you feel guilty for making her feel shitty about how unhappy she is. Blogs are usually not written for other people. When they are they tend to start sucking.

    I look forward to these posts because I am well aware that my life is about to get harder than hell in two months and I want a headstart by reading about the craziness at your place.

    Oh, to answer your question, I blog to vent and to document shit so I don't forget.

  14. This was awesome. I've never read your blog before, but I'm going through PAIL bloggers and reading recent posts and WOW, this one struck a chord with me. I've tried to be real about my experiences with pregnancy and babyhood after IF (I FUCKING HATED most of being pregnant - that tends to happen when you puke non-stop), and I have a child who was a horrid sleeper for a very long time. It doesn't mean I don't love the kid to pieces, but yes, my blog is my space to gush AND to vent. Great post.