Milk, Milk, and Even More Milk

We all know and worry about low milk supply issues.

And while pregnant we all hope and pray that we will be able to breastfeed our children successfully and not suffer from said low supply issues.

But have any of you spent any time worrying about having TOO much milk?

I didn't even know such a think existed and if I had given it any thought it wouldn't have seen it as a problem.

And anyone who suffers from low milk supply can't see how it's a problem.  Because how can having TOO much milk be a problem?

Well...it's a problem.  And one that I don't hear discussed very often.

It turns what is supposed to be a calming soothing experience into a form of torture for your baby known as WATERBOARDING.

If you couldn't guess I have an oversupply issue.

And we're all drowning in a sea of milk over here.

You see, my body is convinced that it produced twins and has enough milk to feed those twins...and maybe a few other babies as well.

Do you know what happens when you make too much milk?

You have a crazy quick FORCEFUL letdown in which you milk comes shooting out of BOTH BOOBS regardless of which one the baby is on and tries to drown your infant.

My midwife compares it to having a firehose shoved down your throat.

DOESN'T SOUND CALMING OR SOOTHING DOES IT?

Well, my baby doesn't think so either.

In fact there is A LOT of coughing, sputtering, spitting up and burping every time we nurse.  Which is still roughly every 1-2 hours during the day!

IT'S ROUGH.

Baby latches on smoothly enough, but as soon as I feel that tingling of the letdown, off comes the baby choking and gagging on the firehose of milk while my boob sprays him and whatever else is in front of me with a geyser of milk.

I then have to somehow cover my geyser with a towel (without pushing on my nipple because I WANT the geyser to gush out into the towel to get rid of the excess milk and pushing on the nipple will staunch the flow) and soothe and burp the crying coughing gagging baby.

Really it requires 3 hands...at least

After the geyser is down to a trickle it's back to latching and sucking for awhile and then OH RIGHT THERE'S ANOTHER LETDOWN and we do it all over again.

Everyone INSISTS that around the 3 month mark the excess milk will start to calm down and my body will adjust the milk according to what baby actually NEEDS...and not try to feed all the babies in San Francisco.

I'm waiting patiently.   But in the meantime...

There are several "remedies" to this oversupply, all of which we've tried, but we're still drowning.

I feed on only one boob for 3-4 hour blocks of time, once we get close to that 4th hour the boob FINALLY feels like it's emptying and baby can nurse calmly without coughing and gagging.  But then the next feed is onto the heavy full boob and we start the routine all over again.  

I feed in positions in which gravity is NOT helping the milk flow.  Lots of getting baby latched and then leaning back so that the milk has to flow UPHILL.  We also do a lot of baby in sitting positions rather than laying positions so that he can better deal with all the milk.

Sidelying also works really well as the excess milk just flows out the side of his mouth and he doesn't have to try to gulp it down.  We both end up in a puddle of milk when sidelying but nighttime feeds are actually the easiest!

I'm also drinking peppermint tea everyday as peppermint is supposed to naturally help lower one's milk supply...so far nothing, but we're only 1 week in to Operation Peppermint.

Anyone else out there dealing with an OVERSUPPLY issue?  And if so, what did you or are you doing about it?  Anything work?  Or do I just have to give it more time?

And please no one tell me to try pumping as I do pump occasionally but anymore and it is only going to increase my supply!

Oh, and look who smiles finally!

Wherein Another Anonymous Comment Makes For a Very Good Blog Post

The Anonymous Commenter says:

Your posts make me so sad. Not once have you talked about how precious you think your baby is or how blessed you are to have him after considering yourself to be "infertile". All of your posts have been about how boring you baby is or how much he cramps your style or how he won't "shut the fuck up". What did you honestly expect from a newborn? I hope for your baby's sake that you can stop being so selfish and thinking about yourself and figure out that it isn't all about you anymore.

You are correct Anonymous, I don't come into this space and write about how wonderful my child is and how blessed I am to have him.

I come here to vent.

What is the point of blogging if not to vent?  Am I right?

I don't come on here, into this space and start writing when life is great.  That's not why I started blogging, that's not why I blog now.  If I'm here it's because I need advice, or I need help or I need to get something off my chest.  Or I just need to know that there is someone else out there going through the same sort of hell that I am.  

I need to feel less alone.  

This is why infertility breeds so many bloggers, because we NEED a space to vent about how much life sucks while we're dealing with infertility and we need support.

This is also why infertility bloggers drop off the face of the blog planet when they finally get pregnant.

It's because they're happy.

Or because they fear comments like the above.  They don't want to be seen as complaining when they fought so hard to get there.

Well, I'm not gonna blog about how great it is to be a parent and how it's the most special thing in the universe and how I think my child is the most wonderful child on the planet.

That's not real.

I don't enjoy reading mommy bloggers who only have good things to say.  I don't believe women who say their first months of motherhood were the best months of their lives.  

If that's all you read about from other bloggers and then you get there, when you're the mommy and things aren't as great or as easy as all those other mommy bloggers led you to believe you start to think that something is wrong with you or your child.

BECAUSE IT'S NOT ALL GLITTER AND CUPCAKES.

Parenthood is fucking hard, whether you deal with infertility beforehand or not does not change the fact that sleep deprivation and a screaming child who won't sleep IS HARD.

I don't need support from others when Baby Jett and I have an amazing day together.  I don't need to tell you about the nights when he sleeps well and when I feel like a rockstar parent.

Again, I don't come here to gloat or for you to tell me how special and gorgeous my baby is.  I come here for help.

IRL this is also what we. as women, do with our girlfriends.  We get together to bitch about one thing or another.   We bitch about our husbands, we bitch about our babies, we bitch about our weight, we bitch about our jobs.

Rarely do I get together with my friends and we all start chatting about how wonderful life is.

Maybe me and all of my friends are bitchy?  Do others sit around with their friends and declare how much they love their husbands?

You'll notice Anonymous that I don't write much about marriage or my husband on here.  This is because marriage and my relationship with my husband are pretty great and I don't find myself needing advice or seeking help in those areas of my life.  But you also won't find me saying how wonderful I think my husband is and how great our marriage is.

For me, this is not what this space is for.

So, while I may post pictures of my son from time to time (I know my family reads this and wants to see piccies!) the majority of the time that I mention Baby Jett it is to "bitch" about something and seek advice or I just want to know that someone else has gone through the same thing and that what I'm dealing with or feeling is "normal".

If you're a parent and you've never thought to yourself OMG MY KID IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE, CAN I TRADE HIM IN FOR A DIFFERENT QUIETER ONE then you either have the best baby in the whole damn world or you're lying to yourself.

You and me Anonymous would not be friends in real life (thus you don't need to read my blog if it makes you so sad) because in real life my friends all understand when I say my kid is being an ASS that it's because KIDS ARE LITTLE SHITHEADS...especially at night...and that I still love him more than I've ever loved anything else in the world.

I'm also preparing all of my pregnant readers for the wonderful world of parenthood that is before them...because as I've discovered, NO ONE TELLS YOU THESE THINGS BEFOREHAND.  So maybe, just maybe, if one of you lovely ladies who hasn't had your baby yet hits 6 weeks with your little one and he turns into little Screamy McScreamerson and you want to kill yourself as you hit the 4th hour of Screamfest 2012 you'll remember how that blogger once wrote about how her baby turned from a great sleeper to a sleep boycotter overnight and instead of thinking OMG MY KID HATES ME , I'M THE WORST MOTHER IN THE WORLD you'll think HOLY SHIT NOW I KNOW WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT and you'll feel just a tiny bit less alone and a tiny bit less like everyone else has the best babies in the world and yours is the only asshole.

But now I'd like to know, why do the rest of you blog?  Do you blog to vent?  Do you blog to share the "good" with your family and friends and keep the "bad" out of it?  Or for some other reason?  And does anyone else actually get the feeling that I'm not eternally grateful for my son and think that all I do is bitch about how hard parenthood is?

Maternity For Sale

You guys know I struggled with maternity wear.

I bought SO many things that did not fit, most of which I was able to return but there were a few things that I was either too lazy to return or was convinced that they would fit me at some point later in my pregnancy.

Well later came and went and there are a few items I have that were never worn and I wanted to see if anyone else who is still preggers and with a different body/bump shape than myself might be interested in buying said items?

For reference so you know if something might fit you or not: I am 5'5", weigh 125 lbs and have a "slim" build.

While pregnant I gained 23 lbs., and had a small ball shaped bump right out in front that never exceeded 35 cm.

So, if your pregnant with the same body/build you don't want any of this stuff!

Up for grabs we have:

Gap Maternity Size XS, new with tags!  - $30

This dress needs a pretty big bump to be able to fit right.  It has a cowl neck and an empire waist that ties in the back.  It fit me right around 38 weeks...but of course I didn't need a fancy dress at that point because I had the baby!  This is the dress with it tied loosely in the back.

This is the dress without it being tied.

Old Navy Maternity Size XS - $5  

This one fit great earlier in my pregnancy when I bought it but by the time summer rolled around and I needed it my boobs were too big!  This one is definitely for someone with a smaller chest, my D's wouldn't fit into it when I wanted to wear it, thus I never did!

Liz Lange Maternity for Target  - Size XS - $20

This dress is such a pretty color!  This dress is like my signature purple color that is dotted all over my house and my wardrobe and I really wanted this dress to fit me better, I kept waiting for the bump to be just the right size for it to work...but it never did.  It's a bit long on me, sort of hits me at a funny length so it would probably work best on someone taller and needs a good size bump because it has a lot of fabric to accommodate said bump.

Glamourmom Nursing Tank new with tags- Size M - $30

I bought this while still pregnant, it was the one nursing item I had the forethought to purchase and it turns out that YOU SHOULD BUY NURSING CLOTHES IN THE SAME SIZE YOU WOULD WEAR PRE-PREGNANCY.  So, I needed it to be a size S or XS and it's just too damn big at a size M.  Again, my favorite color purple!

Tank with the boob down!

If anyone is interested please include your email so I can get into contact with you!  Also if anyone would like to see more piccies please let me know!

The Post In Which All Hell Has Broken Loose and I Am Carrying My Baby Everywhere Because It's the Only Way to Make Him Shut Up

It was like a fucking light switch.

One minute I'm concerned because my baby sleeps SO MUCH...like all day and then all night.  Meaning no he does not sleep all the way through, but he would sleep, wake up and fuss, get a diaper change or nurse and then back to sleep...repeated every 2-3 hours all day and all night.  And no this does not mean I have a lot of free time on my hands because he only sleeps in his crib for like a half hour at a time!  The rest of the time he is in someone's arms, except at night where he is in the bed with us.  The only AWAKE time he really had was 2 hours before bed when he was REALLY fussy and I was getting concerned that he wasn't awake enough for like proper interaction time.  Because ALL the websites and books (too much fucking information out there!) keep telling me he should start to be more awake these days.

And the next minute I have little Screamy McScremerson for a baby who REFUSES to sleep.

Today I have my 6 week postpartum appt and I was all set to ask about all the sleeping and see if it was normal to be sleeping so much.  I should also mention the husband is away!  Well last night he decided to just boycott sleep altogether.

This is form a torture.

He slept ALL damn day.  Woke up at 8pm, right on schedule AND THEN WOULD NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP.

I tried EVERYTHING.  And I mean EVERYTHING!  Swaddling, shushing, swaying, pacifiers, shower noise, taking a bath, baby Mozart, nursing, burping, baby massage, baby wearing.  He kept at it until MIDNIGHT.  That's 4 hours of baby fussing, crying, screaming, grunting, spitting up, screaming at my breast and trying to wiggle out of my arms.  He just would NOT settle!

Finally at midnight I retried swaddling, as in 2 hours earlier the swaddle was a no-go, he HATED it and started screaming even louder.  Well, suddenly the swaddle was all he needed.  I wrapped him up, picked him up and OUT.

I couldn't fucking believe it.

Unfortunately he then woke up at 2:20 and at 4:30 for the grunting and then up for the day at 7am.  

It was a fun night last night guys, a really fun night.

I am now scared to take the baby off of me.  Seriously.  I've been wearing him all day because the second I take him off he starts screaming.

My husband is gone for one more night and I am DREADING the night more than I've ever dreaded anything ever before.

How, just HOW do single mamas do this?!  I've never been more happy to be married...and never been more upset that my husband travels so much.

Wish us luck that tonight is better!

The 4am Grunting - Advice Needed!

There are many many many of you who have just had your babes in the last weeks or months...and I need your advice!

Baby Jett has this new thing that he does and it makes me want to die.

Generally he's a good sleeper, he naps plenty during the day and then he gets fussy for 2 hours before bedtime, but we nurse and burp and fuss and nurse and burp and fuss until he finally goes down sometime around 10-11pm.

Then he sleeps for 3-4 hours, change, feed, back to sleep.

He used to then go back to sleep for another 3-4 hours and lather rinse repeat.

BUT NOW, now he has this thing that he does. 

At 4am, give or take an hour, after the change, feed and burp routine HE STARTS GRUNTING and straining and wiggling AND HE KEEPS IT UP FOR 3-4 HOURS or until I give up on sleeping and just get up for the day having really only slept the original 3-4 hours that he allowed.

It's as though he is constipated and he's straining straining straining to have a bowel movement.

But breastfed babies don't get constipated!

Conveniently he started this just before his 1 month appt with the pediatrician and I asked her about it.  She said it's VERY COMMON and a complaint she hears from new parents a lot.

In a nutshell, he's learning how to actually control his bowel movements, learning how to push BUT HE  ISN'T RELAXING HIS BUM so he's pushing and straining and grunting.  AND HE WILL GROW OUT OF IT.

I accept this explanation.

BUT OMG I WANT TO DIE.

He's been doing this for almost a week now AND I AM SO TIRED.

So, new mamas, DOES YOUR BABY DO THIS AT 4AM?  And if so, IS THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT?

Or is this one of those cases of "this too shall pass".

The damn baby is absolutely fine the rest of the day, not gassy or fussy...generally a good baby, so I don't believe this is a diet issue or a reflux issue but I'm having trouble functioning on 4 hours of sleep.

CAN ANYONE HELP ME?!

How Nursing is Cramping My Style

Advice to preggos everywhere:

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE CLOTHES THAT YOU CAN NURSE IN WHILE YOU CAN STILL GO SHOPPING SANS BABY.

It turns out my wardrobe is really really not nursing friendly.  So, even though I can fit into all of my old clothes, I really can't wear much of it because I CAN'T NURSE IN ANYTHING I OWN.

I have exactly one dress that has a neckline that can be pulled down enough to nurse in.  

ONE DRESS.

Are you freaking kidding me?!?

My wardrobe consists of like 85% dresses.

SHIT.

This conundrum has forced me to dig through all my clothes in search of low necklines and stretchy materials.  I've found 4 or 5 tops that work, but do you know what the problem with tops are?  It means  I have to wear pants!

Ugh, I hate pants.

Seriously, I would rather wear a dress any day of the week over pants.

But until I find some cute dresses with low necklines...I'm stuck in pants.

Boo.

Also, I CAN'T GO SHOPPING WITH BABY.

I mean, theoretically I could...but not really, not here, not in SF.

This is one of those things that I just haven't figured out how to do yet.  I mean, of course it's possible, women don't just NOT go shopping after they have babies right?

But...it's just not as simple as it used to be and I'm having trouble adjusting.

It would require me to either wear baby downtown and take public transport, which...how do you try on clothes while wearing baby?

OR

Drive downtown and take the stroller.

I shudder at the thought.  

You see...I don't drive downtown.  I'm anti downtown driving.  ANTI DOWNTOWN DRIVING.  

My other option?

Go to the local boutiques with baby in a stroller.  

This is obviously the best option, but...I haven't done it yet.

I know I just need to suck it up and GO rather than whine about my lack of wardrobe, but to be honest baby is still a bit too new for me to set out on such grand adventures with him.

Maybe next week.

So for now I'm stuck walking around in my stupid pants, or...wearing my one dress several days in a row until it gets so covered in spitup that I am required to wash it.

To all you other ladies nearing the end of your pregnancies who are finishing up buying all your baby essentials, DON'T FORGET ABOUT YOURSELVES!  And make sure you buy some nursing friendly clothing before baby arrives!

Also, are there any other style of dress besides wrap dresses that work to nurse in?

Baby Jett - 1 Month

One month down.

Some days all I can think is...why did we want kids so bad again?

And other days I think...wow, what a cute kid we made!

This month has been one of the most challenging of my life and I have trouble understanding those who have nothing but good things to say about the first few weeks of their kid's life.  The good is of course the healthy baby, but OMG the whole experience of a newborn is nothing like I imagined.

I know there's a learning curve involved but one month in I'm still having trouble figuring out how to "do" things around the house, as well as all the other errands I used to do like grocery shop etc etc.

It's absolutely exhausting getting absolutely nothing done everyday.

Everyone says that you should really soak up and enjoy these early newborn days because they change so fast and that you'll never get that time back again.  And just like I'm not supposed to be doing I spend a lot of time wishing away these early days and waiting for the day when baby is a bit more...interesting.

I can't help it guys, I know it's so close.  I have friends with 3 month olds and they are doing SO much more than Baby Jett...I can't wait.

All that being said Baby Jett has GROWN.  He's like a giant baby now.  He weighed in at a whopping 9 lbs. 3 oz today at his one month appt!

I can't believe that some people give birth to babies this big...he seems so huge to me.

My little newborn baby on Day 2 weighing in at 5 lbs. 6 oz. 

My giant one month old weighing in at a whopping 9 lbs. 3 oz. 

At one month...

...I'm still busy drowning my baby in my oversupply of milk at each and every feeding...the pediatrician insists this will calm down in another few months but in the meantime I can spray milk across the room, or more importantly ALL OVER THE BABY.  He gets a milk shower at least once a day.  Did you guys know your boob could literally SPRAY milk?  It's fascinating.

...Baby Jett is getting better at dealing with the milk drowning...I mean FEEDING.  He takes more breaks for burping rather than gulping furiously to try to swallow it all as quickly as he can and that seems to make the whole ordeal more manageable.  We still have some exorcist style spit ups...but thankfully they are down to once every few days.

During the day he feeds quite a bit, usually once every 1-2 hours and most nights he's really good about sleeping for 3 hour stretches with a 4 hour thrown in every once in awhile...those nights are heavenly.  But some nights he sticks to his daytime routine of feeding every 1.5-2 hours...those nights are hell.

...Baby Jett will not take a pacifier.  We didn't introduce one until this past week and he was really uninterested in it.  He's not much of a comfort sucker, if he starts sucking on his hand it's because he's hungry and that paci just isn't gonna cut it!

We also introduced a bottle this week, which means I attempted pumping this week.  He accepted the bottle just fine which made daddy happy but mommy really hates the pump and with the oversupply issues I've already got going on pumping is only going to be happening once every other day or so...and still only to appease daddy.

...Jett LOVES baths.  He gets very chill and mellow and just seems to really enjoy the sensation of the warm water.  We take baths together once every 2 or 3 days.

...he's a grunter.  Oh my how he grunts!  It's particularly annoying at 3am...so much grunting!

...has become a bit of a barnacle.  He used to let us put him down to sleep...now it's hit or miss. Sometimes you can put him down and sometimes he won't sleep unless someone is holding him or laying with him on their chest.  I ALWAYS attempt to put him down and even let him fuss for a bit before I go pick him up because I don't want him to never sleep on his own, but sometimes the only thing that works is to hold him...and I must admit when I'm exhausted and can't get the baby to sleep on his own, it's a great excuse to lay down with him and take a nap with him on my chest.

Overall I have to say that we've been blessed with a pretty easy baby...but I'm still looking forward to the days when he can actually interact with us!