Thursday, March 6, 2014

Is it Time to Pee On Something Yet?

I'm only on CD8 and yet I'm convinced that I should be peeing on things.

When does the peeing start?

I mean, I had my PERIOD for goodness sake CLEARBLUE EASY FERTILITY MONITOR, don't you UNDERSTAND?  Surely I should be peeing on ALL THE THINGS!

And monitor just sits there with it's stupid single line telling me to fucking relax and that I can start peeing on things in a few days.

What a bitch.  She doesn't understand the urgency.

And my thermometer.

She's a bitch too.

My temperature is still uber high, like if I hadn't just had my period it would convince me I'd already ovulated high.  98.1 is a post-ovulation temperature THERMOMETER.

She doesn't get it either.

And FertilityFriend...FertilityFriend...I hate to say it but she's no better, she's also a bitch.

Look at this:

What the fuck is this?  This is basically the worst chart I've ever seen.

The best she can do is tell me that I might ovulate in that green 2 week period and that my period might be like a thousand years long.

She hasn't told me to pee on anything either.

Bitches all of them.  All of my TOOLS aren't helping me, they're messing with me.

And since none of these bitches are being helpful, someone tell me WHEN DOES THE PEEING START?  Pretend I had a normal cycle, like a predictable 28 day cycle (hahahaha, I can hardly write that without laughing hysterically), when do I start peeing on things???

Clearly I'm obsessing, I GET IT, but I promise I'm not on the crazy train yet, I'm just REALLY REALLY EXCITED!

I'll start getting crazy and depressed somewhere around CD28 when I still haven't ovulated.



  1. #*#$0*!$@$()*# I FUCKING HATE BLOGGER.

    Okay, my 1st comment was eaten.

    Long story short - I laughed at your chart b/c it looks JUST LIKE MINE always did (I O'd between CD19-30 if I was going to, otherwise it was anovulatory). Upside is that I peed on things from CD12 and on... and the cycle that somehow miraculously conceived Harvey sans fertility treatments I had totally given up on my body already - yet was still peeing on ALL THE THINGS when I realized I was going to O on CD37 and talked my husband into a quickie... and here he is.

    Hoping and praying all the time that you get a similar result from all of your peeing efforts!

  2. Considering the fact that I'm on CD47, I pee on something almost daily! Depends on my mood. Some days, I'm convinced I'm pregnant, while others I swear I'm about to ovulate. After far too many positive OPKs with no AF or BFP I have had to retire them. I think peeing on a stick is therapeutic. So I say, pee away!

  3. Pee as much as you want, just don't forget to bone! ;)