I Thought This Would be Easy

I'm not gonna lie, I thought Baby #2 would be easy.

I QUITE MISTAKENLY thought that the hard part would be getting my period to start (which it was) but once that happened, I thought I would ovulate once and TADA we would be pregnant.

Really...I thought that's how it would go.

I did not think I would be sitting here 6 months after my period started, with only 3 cycles behind me, another miscarriage and still not pregnant.

What the fuck universe?  What. The. Fuck.

If you couldn't guess, I got my period again.  

40 day cycle, 12 day luteal phase.

Things are normalizing...I get it.  Hormones are regulating, ovulation is coming sooner, cycle is shortening and luteal phase is lengthening.

All that is great.

What's not great is that my body decided to wait until 19 months postpartum to start sorting it's shit out and thus giving me no time to sit back, relax and let my hormones do their thing before getting on with Baby #2.

Dear Body, if you needed some time to regulate and you weren't gonna let me make more babies during that time then couldn't you have started earlier, say 15 or 16 months after I had the baby?  No?

Because really, Jett's getting older and older and the age gap is getting wider and wider.

I realize that's a silly, petty concern but it's always been one of my huge beefs with infertility.  No choice in how old you will be when you have your baby(ies), no choice how far apart in age they will be etc etc.

I want to choose how far apart my children are in age.  And with each passing month I'm very very aware that Jett is getting closer and closer to being 3 by the time the next kiddo arrives.

As with everything surrounding the building of my family...this is not how I imagined things would be.  After such a struggle for Jett...I really really thought things would be easier this time around.

And I'm pissed that I have once again passed the 6 month mark...but onwards we march.

Still Here, Still Ovulating

I ovulated again.

I would like my medal please.

That's 3 cycles in a row!!!

And this time...CD28!

Still a disgustingly long cycle, but I will take 28 over 33.

So, I'm just over here, being all fertile and shit.

Feels kind of awesome, but also not sustainable.  Like, how many more times can I do this before the oves crap out?

As always, our timing was impeccable.  I don't know how we do it since my husband is a traveling fool, but each and every ovulation he just happens to be here.

And now we wait some more.

I feel slightly less crazy than I did the last 2 cycles.  Could be because we have guests coming tomorrow, staying for a week, which means I won't have a chance to sit around peeing on things.

Could be that the early miscarriage last cycle has made me oh so unexcited to pee on things.  Both positive and negative pee sticks are equally as scary post miscarriage...I remember that clearly from the first time around.

Could be that this cycle doesn't feel like THE ONE and I'm uninterested in getting my hopes up.

In other terrifying news, we've put our house up for sale, we're moving to the 'burbs and my husband is quitting his job.

Life is so up in the air right now.

But here we are, still here, still ovulating...and still waiting.